Harry Potter: Remixed
by bob-the-blue
Summary: WiP. AU. DBZ xover. Harry is taken by the Guardian of Earth instead of Hagrid as a baby and raised with the family no one knew he had. Ten years later, a trained, quarter Sayian Harry comes to Hogwarts. Manipulative Dumbledore, Independent Harry
1. Prologe

Prologe

The house at Godric's Hallow was in ruins. Not a sound could be heard. Espcially not from the owners of said house. Their lifeless bodies lay on the floor. Their baby however, was much alive. But not making any sound either. Young Harry Potter was sound asleep. Not aware that he was now an orphan. Not aware that he was responsible for the fall of the greatest Dark Lord in the Wizarding world. Not aware that he wasn't alone anymore.

A green man stood in front of Harry, looking down at the sleeping boy. He reached down and picked Harry up. The young boy stirred, he opened his little eyes and looked up at the man holding him. Many would mistake him, with his green skin and antenae, for a demon. Most other children would start crying. But Harry Potter wasn't most children. He giggled softly, then fell back asleep. The green man swiftly carried Harry out of the house.

The sound of an engine could be heard, as a flying motor cycle desended down onto the ground. It carried one very large person, Rubues Hagrid, keeper of the keys and grounds keeper at Hogwarts school of witchraft and wizardry. Hagrid got off the motor cycle and rushed in the house. He didn't see the other man standing in trees with young Harry. Hagrid searched the house all over. He came out and checked outside. He looked worried and confused. He got back on his flying motor cycle, and took off.

The green man looked down at the sleeping child. "I think its about time we got you to your family. What do you think?" The sleeping child didn't respond.

Number 4 Privet Drive.

Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall stood on the steet outdie of Number 4. The street lamps were dark.

"I don't know about this Albus. I've been watching these Muggles, and they're the worst kind. They hate magic."

"Don't worry Minerva. I am sure that this is the best place for young Harry to be."

"If you're so sure Albus. But I still have reservations. Where is the child anyway?"

"Hagrid is fetchiing him. He should be along shortly."

"You trusted Hagrid with this?"

"I trust Hagrid with my life."

A moment later, the same flying motor cyle landed next to the two professors.

"Evening Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall."

"Hagrid." replied Professor McGongall.

"Did everything go ok Hagrid?" asked Professor Dumbledore.

"Er...not exactly Professor. 'arry wasn't there you see...I looked all over, and I couldn't find him."

"Really now? This is most distressing." Dumbledore looked reflective. _And this also disrupts my plans for the boy. _Even though he reassured Professor McGonagall about the muggles, he knew perfectly well that they would be very abusive of the boy. He needed to place the boy in the worst, yet most plausable situation possible. And that was with his aunt and uncle. So that way, in ten years time, when Harry was 'rescued' to the wizarding world, he would be more...malliable. It did not sit well with Dumbledore that the boy was missing. He was the centerpiece.

"I think we need to find him, don't you Professor Dumbledore?" asked Professor McGonagall.

"Yes, quite right Minerva. I'll get as many member from the Order as I can on this right away. The boy is very important to our world." _More important then you can ever imagine._

**A/N: **Ok, I know I haven't really finished any of my other stories, but I got inspired to write this one. Hopefully I'll update Chasing Dawn in the near future, but if i don't, oh well. My muses are like the voices in my head...they come and go at their leasure. That, and I'm a lazy son of a bitch. Also, can anyone guess what this is going to cross over with? If you can, i'll give you a lollypop... or hooker coupons, whichever is easier.

Also, this is AU (obviously) and I'm doing the quote from memory, so if they aren't exactly right...its on purpose...yeah, on purpose. So if you have a problem with it, i don't care.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" screamed a black haired woman as she chased after an 11 year old child. The child in question had black hair as well. But his was a bit messy. They were running down the platforms, towards 9 3/4. They passed a family of red heads along the way. All the family could do was stare in confusion as the two passed by them.

"I told you I was sorry." Yelled back the kid. "Besides, you will be turning 30 in 4 years anyway." This caused the woman to scream out in anger yet again. She picked up her pace. The young boy however, ran directly into the wall between platforms 9 and 10. He didn't even slow down. The woman giving chase hit the wall, hard. She fell back on her ass. A moment later, the family of red heads made their way up to where she was.

"What happened?" the eldest female of the family asked.

"The little smart ass got away." replied the woman, rubbing her soar ass.

"Why didn't you just go through the barrier?" asked one of the children.

"Cause I'm not magical. Are you all headed on the train?" four of the children nodded their heads. "Good, would one of you do me a favor and smack that little shit upside the head for me? Please?" A pair of red headed twins smiled at the girl.

"It would be our pleasure." and with that, the two of them pushed their carts through the barrier.

As it was every year, there was chaos surrounding the Hogwarts express. Kids trying to find their way, telling their families goodbye. Losing their toads. The young man who hit the barrier at record speeds didn't even slow down after he passed through. He kept running to the train. He jumped on and looked for a seat right away.

He found an empty compartment and sat down. He looked out the window, and didn't see the woman who was chasing him. He sighed in relief and sat back.

A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door, and two red heads pooked themselves in.

"Excuse us." said one of the boys.

"But we were wondering if you would mind answering us a question?" continued his twin.

"Um...sure, why not?" replied the younger boy.

"Why was that woman chasing you?"

"And why did she ask us to smack you upside the head?"

"Oh...that was my cousin. She was a bit mad at me for a comment I made when one of the conductors asked us a question."

"What did you say?" asked one of the twins. Their curiousity had been peeked, and they moved themselves into the compartment, taking a seat.

"Well, I kind of made the impression that my cousin was actually my mother. And you know how women are about their ages." the boy smirked. The twins thought about it for half a second and laughed.

"I'm Fred. And this is my brother Geoge."

"I thought I was Fred and you were George?"  
"By gads, I think you're right. You must be George, and I must be Fred."

"Glad we got that straightened out." The boy chuckled at their antics. "And you our young friend, do you happen to have a name?"

"Sure. Buck. Buck Nasty." The twins just looked at each other for a second.

"Really? Your parents actually named you that?"

"Let's just say that my name is a source of a joke." The twins grinned at the boy.

"We like jokes."

"You do, do you?" They both nodded. "Interesting. I'm very fond of jokes. Espcially the practical kind." The twins grins grew even more.

"Buck my boy, I think we're going to get along smashingly." The three of them talked for a moment, comparing past pranks. The twins were very impressed in some of Buck's stories. It filled their hearts with joy that they found themselves a kindrid expierence in a slightly younger generation."I hope you don't finid us rude, but we have to go find our friend Lee Jordan. We have things to...plan." They got up. "See you at the feast." They left Buck all alone in the compartment.

Buck sat back in his seat. He closed his eyes. Appearing to be asleep, but looks can be deceiving. The train was chugging along the tracks. There was a knock at the door again. And again, another red head poked in.

"Any room in here? The rest are full." Without even opening an eye Buck replied.

"There's plenty of room. Make your self comfortable." The other boy entered and took a seat. Buck opened his eyes and examined his new companion.

"I'm Ron Weasley."

"Buck Nasty." Buck smirked. "You wouldn't happened to be related to Fred and George, would you?"

"Yeah, they're my brothers." Ron looked a little defeated at this.

"They seem like nice guys. Can't wait till I get the chance to prank their pants off." Buck pauses for a second. "I wonder if I should make that literal someday..." The two of them start laughing.

There was yet another knock at the door. A bushy haired girl entered this time.

"Excuse me, but have either of you seen a toad? A boy named Neville lost his."

"Sorry, haven't seen any toad. At least not any literal. When I came aboard, there was a couple girls I saw in a compartment that might be questionable though." said Buck. He and Ron laughed at it. The girl just frowned.

"That wasn't very nice."

"I apologize if my comment upset you. I didn't mean you. But you didn't see these girls. In fact, i'm not even sure if they were girls."

"I'm Hermione Granger."

"Ron Weasley."

"Buck Nasty." Hermione gave him a weird look.

"Is that your real name?" Buck just smirked at her.

"Its the name I used when I was working in L.A." Hermione thought about this for a second, blushed then hurried out.

"What was that all about?" asked Ron.

"Muggle joke. Though, the fact that she got it makes me wonder about her." Buck looks reflective for a moment. But that moment is broken when the door is once again opened. This time there is no polite knock. Its just opened. And in walk a blonde child followed by a pair of apes...er, other students.

"There's a rumor going around that Harry Potter is suposed to come to Hogwarts this year. I'm going around the train looking for him." the blonde says. He glances at Ron. "I can tell you're not him. Red hair, ratty clothing, stupid expression on your face. You must be a Weasley." Before Ron could say anything, or the blonde could continue, Buck interupted him.

"Who's Harry Potter?" Everyone in the room gaped at him. They couldn't believe what they were hearing. But the blonde was a quick thinker.

"You must be muggle born. Not even worth my time talking to. Come on guys, lets get out of here. A blood traitor and a mudblood, might be contagious." The three of them turned to leave. But before they were out of earshot, Buck turns to Ron and asks.

"Inbred?" indicating the blonde. Ron falls off his chair laughing. The blonde turns around right away. His face red.

"Listen up mudblood. My name's Malfoy, Draco Malfoy. You'd do well to remember it. Respect your betters."

"Oh, I do respect my betters. Its a shame neither of them are here." This comment infuriates Draco.

"Crabbe, Goyle, I think you should teach our new friend here some manners. Filthy mudblood." As the two apes advance on him, Buck turns to Ron.

"I'm thinking mudblood must be an insult of some kind?"

"It means dirty blood. Its one of the worst insults in the wizarding world."

"Well, I am only a quarter blood, but that's irrelevent. And I don't much care for being insulted. I think perhaps I'm not the one who needs to be taught a lesson." Buck gets up and meets the two apes with two quick blows to their heads. Faster then anyone else in the compartment can see. They hit the floor, out cold. Draco appears to shit his pants, then turns and runs out of the compartment as fast as possible. Buck looks down at the two boys he knocked out, shakes his head, and picks them up. He effortlessly throughs them out of the compartment and closes the door.

"Bloody hell! That was bloody brilliant!" Ron exclaimed. _But what did he mean by quarter blood?_ He wondered in the back of his mind. It wasn't a term he had ever heard in the wizarding world. But the excitement of seeing a Malfoy humiliated like that took precident over his thoughts.

"Thank you.

XOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXOXOXXOOXOXOXOXOXOX

Meanwhile, at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the Headmaster was having a conversation with his deputy Headmistress.

"Are you sure I should leave him on the list Albus? No one has seen hide nor hair of the boy in ten years. Many think he's dead."

"I'm sure Minerva. I'm confident that Harry Potter will be showing up today." _At least he had better be _thought Albus.

"I talked to Ollivander earlier, and he said that Mr. Potter never came in to get his wand. I still think he won't be coming."

"His name has been in our books since the day he was born. He'll be here. Have faith my dear. Lemon drop?" he asked, holding out a small box.

"No thank you. I had better be going now." Minerva McGonagall turned and left the Headmaster.

_That boy had better show up. I don't know how, but he had better. I sent enough owls out all over the world. One, if not more of them should have found the boy. If he isn't here under my control, all my plans will fall apart. Its bad enough I have had no clue where he's been. He should have been left with his muggle aunt and uncle. Dam whoever had the gaul to mess with my best laid plans._

Little did Albus Dumbledore know, in a place considered Heaven, a man considered God by some was laughing at him.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Back to the train.

The same bushy haired girl made an appearance into Buck and Ron's compartment. The two of them were endulging themselves in chocolate.

"I've heard we're almost there. You two should get yourselves ready." said Hermione. Ron reached up and pulled his trunk down. Hermione looked over at Buck. "Where's your trunk?"

"Oh yeah." Buck snapped his fingers and pulled out a small metal pack from his pocket. He opened it to reveal several cylinder objects. He pulled one out and pressed the botton on it and tossed it on the floor. There was a small pop, and his trunk was sitting there. Ron and Hermione stared at him, doing pretty good impressions of goldfish. Buck didn't take any notice of them, and pulled his robes out. "Would you give us a little privacy please Hermione?" The girl couldn't responde, but did turn around and walked out the door. The two boys took a few minutes to change their cloths. When they finished, Buck pressed a button on the side of his trunk and it reverted back into the small cylinder. He then put it back into the pack, and that into a pocket.

"What the bloody hell was that? I've heard of some magical trunks similar to that..."

"Oh, that? It was nothing magical. A muggle invention actually."

"You're yanking me. Muggles can't do anything like that."

"Well, maybe not in Europe perhaps, but an ancestor of mine came up with this technology many years ago. From what I gather, it really hasn't picked up in Europe. Don't know why, usefull little fuckers if you ask me." Ron was shocked, again, but just nodded his head.

The train slowed down, and came to a stop. All the students started exiting the train. A very large man started yelling out "First years. First years over here." Buck and Ron headed towards the voice.

All the first years were herded into boats like cattle. Or sheep, depending on how you looked at it. But for purposes best left unsaid, sheep jokes will be refrained from being used here...for the time being anyway. As the boats crossed the lake, all the first years got their first look at Hogwarts. Almost all of them were impressed beyond reason. Buck was only slightly impressed. He'd seen better before. He'd lived in better.

Buck shared a boat with Ron, and another boy, Blaise Zibini. Blaise seemed to be an ok guy. They all got along well enough. Making small talk and whatnot while they could. Their conversation was continued as all the students were herded once again through the halls. They came apon a set of large doors. An elderly woman stood before them.

"In a moment, you all are going to enter the Great Hall and be sorted. Into one of our four houses you will go. The houses are Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin." The woman turned and left for the time being. Blaise turned to Ron and Buck.

"I wonder how they're going to sort us." he asked.

"My brother Fred told me that you have to wrestle a troll." answered Ron. Buck smirked at this. He'd never wrestled a troll. Sounded like it could be fun. The old woman came back, and led them into the Great Hall.

All the first year students noticed the ceiling. It was an amazing sight to see. One of the students were heard saying "Its enchanted to look like the sky outside. I read about it in Hogwarts: A History." All of the sudden, there was an unexpected crack of lightning, and it appeared that many fireworks were set off in the sky. Word started to form.

_WELCOME TO HOGWARTS _

_PRINCE OF SAYIANS_

Nobody was expecting this. Espcially the headmaster. Very few things took the old man by surprise these days. But this did. Normally mysteries excited him. But the castle doing something like this was a bit annoying. All of its secrets were supposed to be at his disposal. So either someone else did this, or else he would have to get really mad. But not in front of the students. That would upset the image he had to keep up for them.

The fireworks took all the students by surprise. The first years stopped in their tracks. It took Professor McGonagall a moment to get them to continue back up to the front of the Hall.

"When I call your name, you are to put the hat on your head, and it will sort you into your house."

"Wrestle a troll my ass." exclaimed Ron. He didn't hear a pair of twins snickering at him in the backround.

The sorting started, sending students off to their new houses. When it got to Malfoy's turn, he was instantly placed in Slytherin. Ron and his brothers were expecting Buck to be next, his name starting with an 'N' afterall. There were a little confused when Pansy Parkinson was called up next. After she was placed into Slytherin, Professor McGonagall called out "Harry Potter." The Hall went dead silent. You could hear a pin drop on the other side of the room. Buck smirked evily to himself and stepped up to the sorting hat.

Fred and George fell out of their seats in shock. Hermione had a look on her face that was a slight mixure of surprise and 'hah, called him on that one.' Ron was shocked beyond reason. Draco Malfoy looked really pissed off. _Father's going to kill me_ he thought. Crabbe and Goyle looked confused, as usual. Professor Dumbledore smiled slightly, but inside he was doing cartwheels. Professor McGonagall placed the hat on Harry's head.

_"Hmmm...what do we have here? Interesting. I've only seen one other like you, and that was your mother. But she certainly didn't have your backround. There's lots about you that your mother didn't have."_

"Like a penis?" replied Harry.

_"I guess we can add a sense of humor to that. You are a hard one to place. You'd do pretty well in either Gryffindor or Ravenclaw. But with what i'm seeing, I think the place for you is...SLYTHERIN"_

The hat was taken off his head, and Harry got down. He started walking towards teh Slytherin table. The hall was full of cheers, more so then any other student. As Harry passed Fred and George, one of them yelled to him.

"Buck Nasty, huh?"

Harry just shrugged, smirked and said "Eh." He took his seat at the table, then turned back to the twins at the other table. "Told you it was a joke." The two red heads thought about it for a second then started laughing. Another red head sitting near them just looked at the two like they were something extremely undiserable.

The last person to be sorted was Blaise, and he ended up in Slytherin as well. He took a seat next to Harry. "Glad you could join me Blaise."

"Thank you Harry." He said. The two of them just shared smirks.

"At least there's one person at this table I don't feel like bitch slapping. Its a shame Ron didn't get sorted in here. He seemed pretty cool."

"That's alright." Blaise noticed the looks Harry was getting from Draco and his apes. "Your fan club I take it?" Indicating the three boys.

"Not exactly. Couple bitches if you asked me. But I guess we'll get to know them real good, won't we?" Harry had the most fake cheesey smile on his face. Blaise laughed at this.

"Yeah, I've heard of Malfoy. A complete git from what I gather, but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt."

"Trust me, there's plenty of doubt. I met him and his two goons on the train. To say the least, this is going to be an interesting year. And on another note, would you pass the potatos?"

Dinner continued on after that without much more talking. Introductions were of course made between all the first years and the older students. Towards the end of the meal, Harry noticed glares coming at him from the head table. He turned to one of the older students. "Hey Marcus, who's the greasy son of a bitch? He looks like he either hates me or wants to make me his gay lover. I can never tell, I have no gaydar at all." Everyone around him stopped talking at once. Markus got a bit nervous.

"That's professor Snape. He teaches Potions, and is the head of our house."

"Well...shit."

**A/N:** Well, I hope you enjoyed that. I hope i've made it evident what this crosses over with. But for those of you that don't know, you are sad and pathetic. I would like to thank the two people that have reviewed my story so far; gaul1 and Taeniaea. It really warms your heart to get review. But i'm not going to become a review whore. I hate writers that put "you'll get the next chapter when i get 15 reviews". Fuck that. I write my chapters when I get inspired, and want to get them out as soon as possible, its good to entertain the masses.

Also, I'm taking any recomendations for insults for Draco. Don't care much for the twit, so if you have a good one, the more the merrier. No, this doesn't mean that i have no imagination, just thought the readers would like to feel important and have some say.


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: So it has been recomended to me that i put up a warning about eating and drinking while reading my story. So this is it:**

**WARNING: EATING AND/OR DRINKING WHILE READING THIS STORY MAY YIELD NEGATIVE RESULTS.**

**thank you. and now on with the story.**

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

_Dear Dende,_

_First off, I need you to go to the afterlife, find my father and plant your foot between the old bastard's legs. No, wait, get Granpa Vegeta to do it. He kicks a lot harder then you do. I know dad told me that Snape was a git, but the fucker's out to get me just cause of what dad used to do to him. Its not fair that he hates me cause he hated my dad. You know me though, I'm not one to bend over and take it like that. If Snape's going to hate me, he should hate me for me. _

**FLASHBACK:**

It was the second day of classes. Potions first thing with the Gryffindors. Harry came running into the class a few minutes late. He took his seat next to Blaise. Professor Snape took notice of this.

"Mr. Potter, so nice of you to join us."

"Sorry I'm late sir."

"And what pray tell was the reason behind your tartiness? Got lost perhaps?" Snape said to the boy, with a slight smirk, and just a little bit of venom in his voice.

"No sir, I was distracted by something I saw in the bathroom. Someone calling themselvs 'Prong's Ghost' wrote an interesting poem on the wall in the stall."

"I'm almost afraid to ask what this poem was about."

"Well, it was about some guy named 'Snivilus', and his love for his niffler, and something called 'analingus'. But I wasn't sure what 'analingus' is, perhaps you know sir?" An interesting look crossed Professor Snape's face. It was a combination of extreme hate, fury and annoyance, all at once. He starred at Harry for a moment, who just so happened to look as innocent as the day he was born.

"Ok students, I need to check on Mr. Potter's story. As you are all first years, and don't know the difference between newt's eyes and your own, class is going to be cancelled today." Professor Snape headed for the door. But was stopped when the voice of one Hermione Granger spoke up.

"But Professor, this is our first class. You can't just cancel it five minutes into it."

"10 points from Gryffindor for speaking out of turn Ms. Granger. And another 25 points for questioning a teacher. But since you're so disapointed about the lack of knowledge, I want everyone to read the first three chapters in their book, and write four feet on the uses of beetle snuff." The class let out a collective groan as the Professor headed out the door.

"Thanks alot mudblood." Draco Malfoy yelled at Hermione. There were gasps from the Gryffindor side of the room. Nobody saw as Harry appeared right behind Draco.

"You know Draco, the last time you called someone that, you ended up having to change your shorts. I think perhaps you owe Hermione an apology?" Draco paled at hearing this. He hadn't forgotten what happened on the train. But he wasn't going to apologize to the girl. He was Draco Malfoy, heir of the Malfoy family. She was just some muggle born bookworm. But instead of facing either of them, Malfoy ran out of the classroom. Followed by his two goons.

Harry smirked at the retreating forms.

**END FLASHBACK**

_Thank god for handwriting and permancy charms. Actually, I should be thanking mom. But I'm sure dad's doing that for me. Espcially after all the head aches Snape got from trying to remove that poem. Of course, the best part of the whole thing is that he can't blame any of it on me. I'm just a lowly first year. I've had one charms class, where we floated a feather. There's no way I could be able to do something like that. Ha Ha Ha Ha. Its too bad that he's my head of house. _

_Speaking of practical jokes, I take it you're responsible for what happened with McGonagall and Dumbledore the other day? You know, there are just some lines that shouldn't be crossed, and with that you crossed it. I so did not need to see old lady McGonagall using that paddle on Dumbledore while he was wearing those leather chaps and ball gag. Thanks to that, the seventh years that are able to cast the obliterate charm are making a bundle. No one wants to remember that. I'm only going to so I have something to pay you back for. I know it was you oh Guardian of the Earth. _

_Anyway, i've digressed. School's going alright. I've made a few friends. Blaise Zabini is about the only Slytherin that talks to me that I would want to talk back with. Ron Weasley seemed like a good enough guy, that is, until I got sorted into Slytherin. Talk about stupid prejudices. And then there's Hermione Granger._

**FLASHBACK:**

Harry was walking in the halls with Blaise Zibini shortly after their first potion's class. Hermione came running up to Harry. She was holding back tears.

"Hey, Harry, wait up." Harry and Blaise stopped and turned to the bushy haired girl. "I just wanted to thank you for that back there. Standing up to Malfoy and all. WIth him being your house mate..."

"Malfoy's a git. And there's no need to thank me. I was just trying to do the right thing. I don't think it was very nice of him to insult you like that." Hermione blushed at this. She had never been one to have a whole lot of friends. And a boy sticking up for her was unheard of.

"Besides," Harry continued. "I think he's just jealous of you." Both Blaise and Hermione gave Harry a strange look.

"What?" asked Hermione.

"Ok, from what I've gathered about Mr. Draco Malfoy, and this is after knowing him a whole three days, is that he's a spoiled, pampered daddy's boy. You have no idea how much he talks about his dad. Only thing more scary then that about him is how much hair products he has in our bathroom. But anyway, I think he's jealous of you cause you're smart. You're smarter then him, better then him, and that's just not something his ego can deal with." The amount of maturity Harry was showing was freaky. Bother Blaise and Hermione looked inflective and surprised at the same. time.

"Harry my friend, I have to say I never pegged you one for being able to read people like that." Harry jus shrugged.

"Come on, I'm hungry, lets see about a late breakfeast."

"You're always hungry. I think you eat more then Crabbe and Goyle combined." The three of them just laughed, and walked off together.

**END FLASHBACK:  
**

_I get the impression that she's never had a whole lot of friends. It didn't take much for her and I to become friends. I just had to stick up for her, and show some sort of loyalty. I bet it freaked a few people out that someone from Slytherin would do something like that. Of course, if I was more of a bastard then I am, I might say something to the effect that I was just acting to spite the Gryffindors in the long run. Showing that I could be more couragious and loyal to one of their own then any of them. But I'm not that spiteful. Ok, you can quit laughing... but they haven't done anything to bring on the pain yet._

_Blaise and Hermione have become the friends that are my age, but the two that aren't would have to be Fred and George Weasley. If these two were warriors at heart, I would have found two completly kindred spirits. But as it is, they rival you and I when it comes to pranking. And they don't even have some of our 'benefits'. They're good guys I get along with well, and know how to take a joke, so I don't feel bad about pranking them. And I expect something in return when I prank them. That is, if they ever figure me out._

**FLASHBACK:**

The first day of classes had been brutal. All the returning students had to get back into the swing of things. The first years adapting to a whole new world. Harry, and the other first year Slytherins had Charms and History of Magic on their first day.

Come night time, there were a few back to school celebrations. Eventually, however, everyone hit the beds pretty hard. That is, except for a certain boy who lived.

Earlier that day, someone had charmed the back of his robe to read 'Buck Nasty'. As Harry had only introduced himself as that to a hand full of people, and the majority of them first years, he was pretty certain who the guilty parties were.

So, at two o'clock in the morning found Harry Potter floating outside of the third year Gryffindor dorm room. Just about any normal Slytherin would promise up their first born child at the knowledge and access to the Gryffindor dorm rooms. Nobody in Slytherin knew where the Gryffindors slept. But luckily Harry wasn't normal. All he had to do was locate the specific chi coming off of two red headed twins and find the closest window.

Harry couldn't actually get into the dorm room. He'd have to break the window, and that would defeat his whole purpose. He was however, able to cast spells through the window. Now, normally students wouldn't be able to attempt something like this. Most would assume if a student was going to fly up to Gryffindor tower, they would use a broom, or some other magical device. There was even a slight magical dampening field around the windows. Again though, Harry wasn't normal. And wasn't using any magical means to fly.

He peered in through the window and spotted his prey. Fred and George were sleeping like babies. Harry pointed his wand towards something beyond through the window and starting casting spells.

The following morning found Fred and George Weasley entering the Great Hall wearing nothing but pink. Their pants, shirts, socks, shoes, underwear, everything was pink. Even their robes. However, the robes weren't completely pink. There was black writing on the back of each of their robes. Each one said the same thing: 'Bad Man'.

**END FLASHBACK:**

_Fred and George are going to have a part in our prank on Halloween. And unknowing part, but a part none the less. _

_Anyway, how are things at the look out? Mr. Popo still fussing over every little thing? I hope he's keeping you on your toes. _

_I need to ask you two favors. One; could you see about either getting or making another copy of Granpa and Uncle Trunk's book for me? I think I know someone that might enjoy it a bit. And two; make sure someone lets me know when Videl has her baby. I don't want to get left out. And 'The art of Flank Pranking' is the book I was talking about. I don't even want to know about anything else those two wrote back in their glory days as pranksters and womanizers. How granpa and grandma ever got together is beyond me. Even though I never met them and all._

_Ok, starting to get depressing, I think I need to go plot another prank after I finish this to liven my mood._

_Oh, that reminds me, I may have found a partner in crime yesterday. A ghost by the name of Myrtle. I'm not going to say anything yet, but she did ask me to ask you about ghosts having sex. I don't know wy exactly, I think it has something to do with her becoming as ghost as a teenager, and she's stuck in hermonal overdrive. And dam is she ever hermonal. _

_Well, I gotta go, gotta get to class._

_Sincerly,_

_Harry James Potter_

_Prince of Sayians_

_Junior Marauder_

**A/N: Ok, I think perhaps I should reveal a little backstory. Just enough to answer a couple questions, but not give too much away. This story takes place post GT, how long, not sure exactly. Goten and Bra had a daughter, Lily, that they had to give up for adoption. She was adopted by the Evans family. I think you can figure out the rest of that.**

**Also, the part about him knowing his parents, yeah, that'll be explained in the somewhat near future, but for those of you that know enough about the dragonball world could probably make a couple educated gueses. **


	4. Chapter 3

_Harry thought_

_**Dumbledore thought**_

"Ok. You remember all the words, right?"

"Yes Harry."

"Good. Let's get this over with."  
"This is all your fault you know. We never should have lost this bet."

"I know Blaise." Pause. "I honestly thought Mrs. Noris would have bounced higher then she did."

"What are we going to do to get back at the twins for this one?"

"I"m not sure yet, but I have a few ideas. Ready?"

"I guess."

Harry Potter and Blaise Zabini, dressed in blue suits with matching hats, and black sunglasses, entered the great hall. Harry carried a black leather bag, which was handcuffed to his arm.They ignored the looks, and walked directly to the head of the hall. Stopping just short of the teacher's table, they turned and looked back out. They stood there looking calm and collected, and looked out over all the students as they had everyone's attention.

Harry raised his hand up and snapped his fingers. An unknown and unseen banjo started playing. More instruments joined in as Harry and Blaise broke out into song.

Come on, oh baby don't you want to go

Oh come on, oh baby don't you want to go

Back to that same old place

Sweet home Chicago

Come on, baby don't you want to go

Hida-hey, baby don't you want to go

Back to that same old place

Oh sweet home Chicago

Well one and one is two

Six and two is eight

Come on baby don't you make me late

Hida-hey, baby don't you want to go

Back to that same old place

Sweet home Chicago

Come on, baby don't you want to go

Oh come on, baby don't you want to go

Back to that same old place

Sweet home Chicago

Six and three is nine

Nine and nine is eighteen

Look there brother baby and

you'll see what I've seen

Hida-hey, baby don't you want to go

Back to that same old place

Sweet home Chicago

Oh come on, baby don't you want to go-oh-ooh

Come on, baby don't you want to go

Back to that same old place

My sweet home Chicago

Harry and Blaise finished their song to a silenced crowd. A few of the muggle borns broke out into applause as the two took their seats at the Slytherin table. Most people in the room weren't quite sure what just happened. Fred and George stood and made a bow to the two first years. Harry and Blaise didn't look to happy about what was going on.

"I've been meaning to ask, where the bloody hell is Chicago anyway?"Blaise asked Harry.

"America."

"Ah."

Professor Snape walked down from the head table. He beelined for Harry.

"Potter, as soon as you finished eating, the Headmaster would like to see you in his office."

"Yes sir." _I wondered when the old goat would get to interigating me._

"And what are you doing out of your robes? A point from Slytherin."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Twenty minutes late Harry, without his partner in crime, was standing before a stone gargoyle.

"I know the password is a sweet. It's always a sweet. As no one took it upon themselves to tell me, I'll just wait. I don't have anything better to do." Harry leaned up against the wall accross from the statue with his arms folded. Much how his grandfather would wait.

After 5 minutes the gargoyle moved, and a stair case apeared. Professor Dumbledore walked out.

"Harry my dear boy, I was wondering if you were coming? Professor Snape told you I wanted to talk to you, correct?"

"He did sir. And if this is about that crate of laxative lemon drops that got 'left' by the kitchens, I'll save us both some time and admit the Weasly twins were behind it."

"What laxative lemon drops?" Dumbledore motioned for Harry to follow him up the stairs.

"Oh, you don't know what I'm talking about? Nevermind then." Harry said as they entered through the door to the Headmaster's office. Dumbledore takes a seat behind his dest. "What can I do for you headmaster?"

"Just a chance to get to know you my boy. Men of my age can become rather curious at times." **_And there are many unknowns about your, and that won't do. I need to know everything so my plans will work._** "Speaking of which, whom am I to thank for performance at Lunch today?"

"That would be the twins Weasly. Why and how I really shouldn't say. Self incriminating and all."

"Ah, I understand. The custume was for that?" **_My legilimency can't get through your sunglasses. _**

"Yes sir, one of the...conditions...to how I came into today's events required these clothes."_ I wonder how annoyed you are you can't see my eyes? I hope Blaise can forgive me for setting this all up._

"Interesting."

"Blaise and I aren't in trouble for that, are we?" _Cause we didn't actually break any rules...this time. _

"Not at all, I rather enjoyed the performance. Though, I wonder where you came accross that particular song? Its foreign and muggle." _I wonder how you know that?_

"And as the other three involved are pureblood wizards with little expierence with the muggle world, I'm the logical guess at who knew it?"

"Logic can be such a tool, don't you think?"

"I agree."

"Using logic, I can assume you grew up in the muggle world?" **_I have to know about your childhood. _**

"Not really." _This isn't going to work oldman._

"The wizard world then?" **_It has to be one or the other._**

"Not really." _You can fish all you want._

"Care to elaborate?"

"I grew up in a few different places. Some, pretty unique."

"May I ask where you all grew up?"

"Here and there."

"That's not very helpfull. Who raised you?"

"My family."  
"Harry, I know your only blood relative is your mother's sister. And you didn't grow up with her."

"Sir, for such a casual reason for meeting, you seem pretty agressive with the questions."

"You'll have to fogive an oldman. I'm just curious as to where you've been. Nobody's heard from you in 10 years." **_Even though I've been looking for you most of that time. _**

"You mean nobody around here? Because I've obviously been somewhere, and there were people there." _Ha! Eat it. _"Sir, you seem to be taking quite an interest in my affairs growing up. May I ask you something?"

"Of course my boy."

"Have you ever met my mother's 'sister'?"

"I believe I had the pleasure, once." **_And what a horrid woman. She would have been the perfect person to raise you. I need to get you to live with them. But how..._**

"Then you know how lucky I am?"

"Lucky?"

"For not having to grow up with such a terrible woman. And her husband is worse."

"Have you met them?" **_Just have to sell him on the idea of a loving family..._**

"Unfortainatly, I have. Not a very good expierence, let me tell you." _Vernon should be very thankfull he lived that day. I know Gramps has a short temper...but daaaaam that was bad. _

"They are your family you know. Have you thought about living with them?" Harry shuddered at the headmaster's words.

"That is not going to happen. I'm perfectly happy with my current situation."

"And what is your current situation?"

"Actually, its late for class. I really need to get going. Have a good day headmaster." Harry got up and rushed out the door. _Ha! Outsmarted again oldman. How said that I can play you like this._

"But..." Albus wasn't able to stop the boy from leaving. **_Dammit! That didn't go as well as I was planning. He should be looking to me as his hero. I MUST have control of the boy. Its only a matter of time._**

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOOXOXO

Harry was on a mission. While he had been sitting in with the headmaster, he had started for form a plan of revenge against Fred and George. He walked up to Blaise, who was also heading to their next class, which just happened to be charms.

"I have a plan. And I'm going to need your help."

"I'm in. I don't care what you want me to do, I'm in."

"Good. I'm going to need you to either be or create a distraction."

"From what?"

"Flitwick. I need to get in and out of his office without his knowing."

"Ok, why? I thought we were getting revenge against the twins?"

"We are, but I need a copy of their handwriting. Trust me, this is going to be sweet.

"Let's go then."

It was almost scary how well Harry and Blaise worked together. Harry seemed to have the brains and talent, and while Blaise wasn't without talent, he was no where near Harry's level. This didn't make him feel useless, Harry always had something for him to do to contribute. They were partners in crime. Take their charms class that day, Blaise did his part, and yet kept up appearances as a Slytherin. It was Draco's text book that burst into multi colored flames, not his.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

A week later found the Weasly twins sitting down to breakfeast in the great hall. The owl post started swooping in. An old looking owl landed next to George, it was carrying a smoking red envelope.

"Oh, look. Mum's sent another howler." George said as he relieved the owl of its load (the letter...pervs). He handed it to Fred.

"Wonder what she had to say this time?" Fred said, casting a spell at the letter. The howler stopped smoking. "Usefull spell that one."

"Bloody usefull." his brother concured.

A few minutes later, Lavender Brown, a first year approached the twins.

"Um...excuse me, Fred, George?"

"Yes?" They both said at the same time.

"I was um...wondering how acurate the article was?" she asked.

"What article?" again, in unison.

"The article about you two that appeared in _Witch Weekly_."

"We have..." Fred started.

"...no idea what you're talking about." George finished.

Lavender handed over her copy of the magazine. In large letters was the tittle of the article.

_"TWINSEST: WHY SOCIETY REFUSES TO ACCEPT OUR LOVE" _

There were pictures of the twins, along with an article that just made their mouths hang open in shock. They were recieving numerous odd looks from fellow students.

They looked around, noticing the odd looks. But what got them out of their seats, was when they looked over at the Slytherin table and saw Harry. He just winked at them. They rushed over to the raven haired first year.

"Harry dear boy..."

"...that was just low."

"How could you..."

"...do something so distastefull?"

"Wait? You two actually found a prank distastefull?" Harry asked. They nodded to him.

"We just think..."

"...that you crossed a line."

"Blaise, please record today's date and time right now."

"Sure Harry." Blaise pulled out a piece of parchment. Harry jumped up on his seat and yelled out to the whole hall.

"ATTENTION EVERYONE! I would just like to call attention to the fact the Fred and George Weasley have found a prank to be distastefull and claim that it went to far. My friend here has recorded the date and time. Headmaster, do you think this will be needed for the next revision of '_Hogwarts: A History'_?" The great hall errupted into applause and laughter.

"Well..."

"...played Harry. You do..."

"...know this means..."

"...payback..."

"...don't you?"

"But of course, what's the point of a prank if the target is just going to wine like a little bitch and not do anything about it?" Harry sat back down, grabbed his goblet and raised it to the twins.

"Cheers boys."

**A/N: Ok, sorry for the delay in updated. Real life you know? This story isn't going anywhere, so don't worry people (this story has had more reviews and people reading it then just about all my other stories put together.) Can anybody figure out the movie tribute in this chapter? Brownie points to those that do (and brownies for the hot females that send pictures...smacks self down boy...)**


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: I apologize to all my fans for the wait on this chapter. Its been a combination of real life taking presidence, and getting other things written. For those of you who haven't noticed, i started another story entitled 'Temperal Karma' and its first part is longer then this whole story so far. I'm trying to get them both written as fast as I can, but i have other writing responsibilities as well. (school and screenplays)**

**Also, I would like it noted that I write using wordpad, and don't have spell check. So if you see any spelling errors, its cause I'm a terrible speller, and have no fast way of checking.**

**Ok. On with the story. Hope you like it. If you don't, don't lynch me...please.**

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

The month of October started with a bang. Literally. The prank war between the twins Weasly and the dynamic duo of Harry and Blaise. Harry of course being like Batman, and Blaise like Robin. Though, Blaise didn't get the reference. Espcially when Harry would say "Quick Blaise, to the Batcave."

This was a prank war to remember. Shortly after the article about the brotherly love between the twins, they retaliated with a charm that had Harry constantly proclaiming loudly his undieing love for one Severus Snape. Harry got down on one knee every time he saw him.

This lead to an anonomous tip to McGonagall that she needed to search the twins room. There, she found under Fred's bead a ten pound bag of catnip, and the password and location to McGonagall's personal quarters. Molly Weasly wasn't a happy camper at all after the arival of the owl she received the following day.

The twins weren't able to prank back right away. They were kept busy with plenty of detentions. They didn't mind, it gave them time to plan their next move. That move of course, was to spike their drinks with a special potion that made it so they could only talk backwards for two whole days. This hurt their grades a bit. But on the upside, they were able to make fun of people without them knowing.

Harry then upped the stakes slightly with the cruelest prank to date, he slipped the twins a whole lot of caffiene at lunch, right before they had History of Magic. Neither of the twins had ever had caffiene before, so it was a new expierence. New, and not so good. Normally, they slept through that class, but that day, they were not able to. They were so full of energy, they were practically bouncing off the walls.

The next day, found Harry walking into the Great Hall. As soon as he walked through the doors, all of his clothing disapeared. While most people, having a bit of modesty, would freak out and try and cover themselves, Harry just strode on like nothing was wrong. He took his seat, and ate his breakfeast. All eyes in the hall were on him, or more accurately, they were on his rather large...member. Harry had nothing to be ashamed of at all, in fact, quite the opposite, he had something to show off. He put most of the seventh years to shame, and he was only 11 years old. If any of the teachers had been able to compose themselves, Slytherin probably would have lost a great deal of points. Harry was just glad he had the forethought to hide his tail with a glamour.

The turning point in the war came when Harry snuck into the twin's room, and super glued their organs to their legs, with muggle super glue. They woke up the next morning screaming. They didn't know how to fix the problem themselves. They had never encountered muggle super glue. Eventually, they went to the hospital wing. The other students noted on how funny they were walking. They had trouble looking Madame Pomfry in the eyes the rest of the year after that.

Shortly after that, the twins called a parlay. They weren't very happy with the way the war was going, so they came up with a better idea.

"Harry old chap..."

"...so glad you could make it."

"How could I resist? Your invitation was so...unique. Yeah, that's the word I'll go with...my other thought was 'short bus material'.

"Short bus?" asked George.

"Nevermind." replied Harry.

"Anyway, the reason we asked you here..."

"...was to hopefully make a change to this prank war."

"Oh? What kind of change? Are you guys tired of getting your arses kicked by a first year?"

"Too right we are."

"Its down right sad. So we've..."

"...come up with an alternative. How about..."

"...Instead of pranking each other directly, we prank the students at large..."

"...and decide who's the better prankster. How does..."

"...that sound?"

"Interesting. You do know you'll be even farther behind now, right?"

"What do..."

"...you mean?"

"You guys haven't noticed a patern to my pranks?"

"Other then being..."

"...absolutly devastating, no."

"I have yet to even use magic." Two mouths dropped at this.

"What?"

"How?"

"You had to have," Harry just smirked.

"Sorry to dispoint. I have not used my wand, or any magic potion in any prank since the first week."

"My dear brother..."

"...I do believe we have..."

"...been quite humbled."

"Let us ally ourselves with this great prankster."

"Indeed."

"You guys still want to compete with the school at large as the target?" Harry asked.

"We admit defeat right now."

"We know we can't defeat you. But as the old muggle saying goes..."

"...'if you can't beat them, join them'."

"Too true gentlemen. I do have something I've had cooking for awhile now, that I could use your help on. I was going to get your help without you knowing...but I think you may want to be on it."

"Do tell."

And with that, the three greatest pranksters at Hogwarts started discussing Harry's big plan. It should be noted that Blaise really isn't much of a prankster, he's just Harry's friend and sidekick. Blaise is usually the one keeping lookout, or being a distraction. Like when Harry put Malfoy's hand in warm water every night for a week. It was Blaise who made sure no one walked in or woke up.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Harry sat at the Slytherin table, awaiting the Halloween feast to begin. Everything was in place. The schoolwide prank was going to activate in 20 minutes. Just as long as everyone ate. And this was a feast, so of course they were going to eat. Harry looked around, making sure everything was in place. He looked over to the Griffindor table, and noticed that Hermione wasn't there.

_That's odd _Harry thought to himself. He got up and walked over to the other table. He gave a nod to Fred and George as he approached a group of first years.

"Excuse me, but do any of you know where Hermione Granger is?" Harry asked.

"_Someone _said something rude to her," said Lavender Brown, indicating Ron "and now she's in the girl's loo crying her eyes out."

"I see. Thank you." Harry turned and headed from the table. He didn't need them to tell him which loo. He could sense her energy. He knew where she was, he just didn't know why she was there.

_"I honestly don't know how Ron is related to Fred and George. They're cool. But he's such a little bitch. I don't think he has brain one in that head of his. His older brother Percy seems like he has a whole tree up his ass, but at least he has some intelligence. Note to self: do something bad to Ron Weasly soon." _Harry thought to himself as he headed to the girl's loo. "_And I'm not going to be there when the prank goes off. That's so not going to bite me in the ass. I really hope Hermione appriciates this."_

He reached the girl's restroom. Harry knocked and went in. He could here sobbing coming from one of the stalls.

"Hermione?"

"Go away!" she cried.

"Um, no." Harry opened the stall. Sitting there, was a teary eyed, bushy haired witch. "I don't think I could do that. We're friends after all."

"But I don't have any friends. I'm such a know it all."

"What are you talking about?"

"That's what Ron said. He was I was so terrible, it was no wonder I had no friends."

"Then what do you call me?"

"What?"

"Aren't I your friend?"

"I guess. But we don't hang out that much."  
"I'm sorry about that. There's pretty much two reasons for that. We're in different houses, which really shouldn't affect things. But also, lately, I've been engaged in a sort of prank war with the Weasly twins."

"That's YOU?" Hermione half asked, half yelled.

"Um...yeah."

"I was wondering who was getting them so riled up. They've been spending a lot of time plotting in our common room. And no one seems to have been the victim. Plus, the trouble they've been getting into."

"Yeah, but we've sort of ended hostilities."

"That's good to hear."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Meanwhile, in the Great Hall, Harry's prank was going off. Well, actually, it was mostly his and Dende's prank, but that'll be explained later. Every student was transformed into a copy of either Fred or George.(It doesn't really matter, as most think they both look the same) The only person who wasn't affected was Percy. Everyone changed at the same time, and light chaos broke out. The teachers would be trying to calm the students down, except they all themselves where changed. Instead of a copy of a twin, they all looked like Severus Snape. Well, except the real Snape, he just looked like himself.

Dumbledore just sat in his chair, slightly amused at the prank. He knew he could fix it, but he wanted to see where things went. Some of the students didn't really mind the change. There were mixed emotions in the hall. Almost all the Slytherins found it to be offensive. They didn't have much of a sense of humor in the Headmaster's opinion.

All of the sudden the doors flew open, and Professor Quirrel came running in yelling.

"Troll! In the dungeon, thought you ought to know." and he passed out. The students all started screaming.

"Quiet!" Yelled Dumbledore. They all knew it was Dumbledore because of the authority in his voice. He waves his wand over the crowd, thinking he'd dispell the prank. It wouldn't do to have everyone looking the same. Nothing happened.

He tried again.

Nothing.

_"What's going on? I should easily be able to fix this. What the bloody hell?" _Dumbledore thought to himself. He didn't let his inner worry show though.

"Will all the prefects please lead their houses back to the...ah...perhaps everyone should just head back to their common rooms in a calmly fasion?" the Headmaster knew they wouldn't really be able to tell each other apart. Of course, calmly manner happened to mean everyone run like hell.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"Are you already to come out of there now?" asked Harry.

Hermione wiped her eyes and gave a sigh.

"Yes I am."

"And?"

"And I'm not going to take any grief from stupid redheads."

"That's my girl." Harry gave Hermione a big hug as she exited the stall. As soon as he grabbed her, the door to the bathroom came crashing in. A large drooling mountain troll entered.  
Hermione let out a girlish scream. Good thing for her, that she's a girl.

Harry just sighed and said "Fuck me, what next?" He put himself between Hermione and the troll. "I'm sorry you have to see this."

Harry got into a stance, he brought both of his arms at his sides. A ball of energy formed between his hands. He then brought both hads towards the lumbering troll, who was now coming at the two with its club.

"GALIC GUN FIRE!" Harry roared. A large green ball of energy shot out of Harry's hands and engulfed the troll. The troll was completely atomized. Nothing remained.

An oddity about Harry Potter his family noticed early on: almost all of his chi attacks came out green. Most of the chi attacks used by the rest of Earth's Special Forces always came out either red, yellow, blue or white. Harry was the only one who could produce green colored attacks. Well, if Vegeta or Dende really worked at it, they probably could. But with Harry, that's how most of his attacks came out naturally. Gohan oftened joked that if Harry ever achieved Super Saiyan status, he'd have green hair.

"What the bloody hell was that!" asked Hermione after a second's shock. Harry grabbed her and rushed her out the smashed and smoldering entrance.

"I'll explain once we get somewhere more private. There are people on their way, and we really shouldn't be here when they get here." Hermione just nodded and followed Harry.

Harry quickly led her up to the seventh floor. He stopped and started pacing along the wall across from a painting. Suddenly a door appeared, they both headed in. The room appeared a bastardized cross of the Slytherin and Griffindor common rooms.

"What is this room? And what happened back there? You have a lot of explaining to do Harry Potter." Hermione said, as she took a seat next to the fire. She was still slightly fazed at seeing the troll vaporized.

"First, this is the Room of Requirement. It can be anything you want it to be, and right now, I want it to be somewhere we can talk without having anyone over hear us."

"Aren't you being a little paranoid?"

"Well, there are many things about me that I really don't want becoming common knowledge yet. I haven't been in the wizarding world long, but I know of some of its dangers."

"What are you talking about?"

"I should probably start from the beggining, shouldn't I?" Hermione nodded her head at this. "Ok, so I imagine you've read most of the history books that involve Halloween 1981?" Again, another nod. "I've read a few of those books too. From what I've been know and have been told, most of what's been written is bullshit." Hermione gasped, not at the language, but at Harry's insinuation that books could be wrong.

"About all they got right was the Voldemort attacked, killed my parents and attempted to kill me, finding his downfall. The killing curse did reflect off of me, and distroyed his body. I know that's a point some argue over. What happened next has been a topic of many different kinds of theories, none of which were even close. Well, except that one about me being abducted by aliens, that one was actually pretty close." Hermione raised an eyebrow. "After Voldemort lost his body and fled. That's right, fled. Bastard is still out there somewhere. Anyway, let me ask you something; have you ever heard of the Kame Sama? Guardian of the Earth?"

"I think I've read about him. Isn't Kame suposed to be god? One being who over looks the world? From an eastern religion?" said Hermione.

"That's pretty accurate. The Guardian of the Earth came to Godric's Hollow that night, and rescued me before anyone else had a chance to steal me. He delivered me to my family to be raised. Now, what very few people know, is that my mother was actually adopted. The number of people alive in Britian that know that are in this room. I was given to my real family."

"This is all very interesting, but what does that have to do with what you did to that troll?"

"I'm getting to that. Be patient." Hermione sent Harry the evil eye. "My mother, and myself logically thinking, wasn't entirerly human."

"What was she? Elf? Sprite? Nymph? Veela? Vampire?" Hermione asked.

"Saiyan."

"What's a Saiyan?"

"Ok, here's another bed time story. Once upon a time, there lived on a planet far far away a race of ruthless warriors. They were the most powerfull warriors in the galaxy some argued. They were incredably strong, so much in fact, that they were able to manipulate their chi, or life energy, and use it as a weapon. They could also use it to fly. They were not a good people. They used their great power to destroy worlds, and reshape them so they could sell them on the black market. The Saiyans worked for a tyrant by the name of Frieza. One day Frieza, fearing a revolt, decided to elimate all the Saiyans. So he destroyed their home world. Millions died that day." Harry paused as Hermione gasped. "However, four Saiyans happened to not be on the planet when it was destroyed. To make a long story short, two of those four died, and the other two ended up living on Earth. Making families and settling down. I happen to be descended from both of those warriors."

"Wow, that's quite a story. And that's how you were able to do that? You used your chi to kill the troll? It was some weird alien power?"

"Sort of. Just about anyone can train to do that. Its a matter of martial arts training. The thing is, Saiyans are vastly physically supierior to humans. I've know humans who could fly and use chi attacks."

"Could you teach someone? Say, me?"

"I probably could. But I'm not going to." Hermione gave Harry her puppy dog look. Unfortainately, Harry had a few female cousins, so he knew all about the puppy dog eyes.

"Why not?"

"Because I know you well enough that it wouldn't work. Most humans, to get to any kind of super human level, require years of focused training. You're a very intelligent girl Hermione. Your arena is acadamia. What I'm talking about is about as far from it in practise as you can get. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure you'd understand the theory alright after not too long. But I don't think you could handle the physical aspects. I'm going out on a limb here, but you weren't one for gym class were you?" Hermione made a face at that.

"No. I always hated gym. It was the only class I didn't get an A in."

"There you go then. The kind of training that it takes to become strong enough would make the hardest gym class look like a day at the spa, with a happy ending."

"Happy ending?"

"Er...nevermind."

"I know what a happy ending is." This caught Harry a little by surprise.

"And how would you know that?"

"Changing the subject, why don't you want anyone to know about this? Are you afraid the ministry will take you away?"

"Actually, I'm not worried about your Ministry at all. They can't really do much to me."

"What do you mean? And why did you call them 'my' Ministry? They're your Ministry too."

"Actually, they're not."

"They're not? How is that possible?"

"I'm not a citizen of the United Kingdom. I'm not even a citizen of any European country. I fall under the jurisdiction of the Asian Ministry of Martial and Mystical Arts. In other words, the magical government that governs most of Asia. Oh, and part of North America. But why that is, is a really long story."

"How are you under their jurisdiction? You're in Scottland right now, attending Hogwarts."

"Everything said in here stays between the two of us, right?" Hermione nodded her head. "The British Ministry of Magic is currently unawair that Harry Potter is a citizen under teh Asian Ministry of Martial and Mystical Arts. They won't be too happy when they find out. You see, there are several treaties between the two, and one of which has some interesting affects on extradition laws. The short end of it, is that I follow the laws from where I'm from, and am accountable by them. If I ever get into trouble, I will go to court over there. The Ministry here can't hold me for any trial."

"I didn't know any of that was possible."

"Very few do. From what I've been told, very few wizards and witches in Britian even know about the Asian Ministry."

"Why isn't it called the Ministry of Magic? Why is it Martial and Mystic arts?"

"The Asian government doesn't follow the same political borders that the muggle governments do. It covers most of Asia under one goverment. What they don't cover is most of Russia, a few of the areas around it, and parts of the middle east. And the reason for the different name, is that the government is responsible for not only magical people, but those that are true martial artists. The martial artists that are a lot more powerfull then the normal person."

"I'm not sure I follow."

"If a person could use their abilities to wipe out a whole village, shouldn't there be a government set up to be responsible for people like that? Its kind of like how the Ministry of Magic here's job is SUPPOSED to be keeping the muggles from learning about wizards and witches, and keeping said magic users safe. So, back home, they just combined the two. One government that governs the mystic arts as well as the martial arts."

"This has been an overload of information tonight?" Harry just dropped his mouth at Hermione's statement.

"I never, ever thought I'd hear you say those words. You're all about learning things. And here I am, telling you things only a hanfull of people on this continent even know."

"Oh, you will tell me everything. But the events of tonight are catching up with me. I really think I need some sleep."

"I'll take you back to your tower then."

"You don't need to do that."

"Sure I do. I have to keep you safe. Make sure there aren't any more trolls out there that want to harm my friend."

Hermione smiled as the two of them left the Room of Requirement. Neither of them knowing the messed up condition the rest of the student body was in.

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The long story being that which makes up Dragonball, Dragonball Z, and Dragonball GT.

**A/N: First off, props to all those that figured out the song from the last chapter came from the Blues Brothers. My all time favorite musical. And yes, it is a musical, I'll argue that with anyone.**

**I thought I'd take a minute to answer a couple questions from some of my adoring fans. (Ok, I'll admit it, 3/4 of my reviews, I either paid people to write, or I wrote them myself using different names...kidding)**

**Korrd: **Harry can't go Super. Yet. I do have it planned when and how he does. Anyone familiar with the books might be able to take a guess at when this might happen.

**theDragonBard: **Maybe. Or he could just be fucking with the oldman. That's something he would do. Either way, neither Dumbledore nor us know if he would or not.

**Wiseman: **Genetics can be a tricky thing. If you've noticed, as I have, there are a lot of cartoon characters that have a hair color that neither of their parents do. I'll admit this is a really weak, extremely weak, excuse. Lily is their child for plot purposes. I try to keep my plot purposes realistic. Instead of having some god like being show up and fuck with the world to make it how I want it. That's Dende's job.

**PhoenixdorDragonclaw: **It was Dende. Piccolo is in hell, and will not be appearing in this story. At least, I don't think he will. But you know how the Demon King is, he's a tricky guy. You never know. Maybe we'll see him in a dream or something, or a flashback. Either of which would show you what a lazy writer I am.

**Like I said earlier, I'm doing this without spell check. So I apologize for any spelling errors. Such as the word 'Saiyan', as so many people pointed that one out...you should read some of the comments on my other story. I spelled all kinds of words wrong, and got reamed for it. I should just start saying that I never learned to read or write...see what happens then...**

**Stay tuned. Hopefully more on the way. Not making any promises though. Thank you for reading. **


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N: sorry for the delay in updating. It's been an interesting summer to say the least. **

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With as tired and exhausted as Hermione was, it didn't take her long to fall asleep. It had been a long day.

As soon as she fell asleep, she found herself in an unfamiliar location. There was open air around her. She was standing on giant white tiles, there were a couple of palm trees to the sides, and up ahead of her was what looked like a palace from India.

She walked up to the palace.

"_This is a weird dream." _Hermione thought to herself. Unlike a lot of people her age, Hermione was usually able to tell when she was dreaming. This was a very realistic dream though, so it didn't click right away.

As she approached the palace, a green man walked out of it.  
"Welcome." Said the green man.

"Uh…hello." Replied Hermione. "Not to sound rude, but who are you? And where am I?"

"That's not rude, just curious. My name is Dende, and this is the lookout. Oh, and by the way, this isn't really a dream." Hermione raised an eyebrow at him.

"Oh?"

"This is more of a…vision. I'm not a figment of your subconscious or anything."

"Yeah? Anyway you can prove it?"

"Ask Harry about me tomorrow. Ask him about the time he discovered pixie sticks and jumped off the Lookout. Actually, he probably won't tell you about that one. Just ask him to describe this place."

"That sounds reasonable. But if you're real, why send me a vision? And how do you know Harry?"

"I'm a friend of his family. I've known him since he was a baby. And as to why I'm here, I'm here to offer you a choice."

"What choice? If this involves 'artistic pictures', the answer is going to be no." Dende laughed at that.

"You have an…adult sense of humor. Not something I see in kids your age."

"What can I say, I'm mature for your age. Just not physically." They shared a laugh. "So, what's this choice?"

"Harry trusts you. From what I've seen, you're his best friend."

"What about Blaise? He's like his shadow."

"He trusts him, but I'm not completely sure I do at this point. Blaise is in the shadows, but he's making his way out."

"I see."

"The choice I present for you, is to know everything that's going on. I can catch you up on everything. There's a lot going on you don't know about."

"That's not much of a choice."

"If I indulge you, you have to keep it all a secret. And there are those out there, that can get secrets from you without your knowledge. If you choose to know, I will make it so no one can read that part of your memory. You also, will not be able to discuss it with anyone else. My magic will prevent it."

"And if I don't want that?"

"You will have no memory of this 'dream'."

"I think I can handle it Dende."

"Very well then."

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As Hermione slept, Harry made his way back to the dungeons. He avoided a Snape looking Dumbledore. The old man had his suspicions about who was responsible for turning just about the entire student body into Fred and George Weasleys. But Harry being able to move quickly, and keep a lookout via sensing chi, he was able to avoid the elderly wizard.

When he got back to his dorm, he found a group of not so happy Slytherins.

"What the bloody hell. Where have you been Potter? And why don't you look like the rest of us?"

"Cause I'm special? I don't know. Seems to me that I was able to avoid someone's prank."

"Or, you were the one who comited the prank. Wait till my father hears about this. This is an outrage." One of the boys yelled, obviously the ponce Malfoy.

"I think someone needs a nap." Said Harry. One of the other Weasleys laughed. "Blaise?"

"Who else laughs at your stupid jokes?" Blaise replied.

"Hermione laughs at my jokes."

"No she doesn't, she laughs at you, not your jokes."

"Liar."

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The prank wore off after only two days. Everyone was glad to be back to normal. Classes had been very confusing. Espcially with the real Weasley twins acting not like themselves. In their potions class, they acted like they knew what they were doing (which they actually do all the time, but only act like they don't). It was unfortinate that one of the Slytherin's cauldrons blew up.

Severus Snape was not a happy man those two days. But then, when is he a happy man. But having the entire staff look like him really made his ass chap. The students were able to tell who the real Snape was be the one who looked like he was about to kill someone, all the time. Even the Slytherins suffered at his anger and displeasure.

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George and Fred Weasley approached Harry in the Library the day after the prank wore off.

"Ah, gentlemen, thank you for joining me."

"How could we not."

"After that display of masterful school wide pranking."

"Our hats are off to you good sir."

"Now, what is it we can do for you"

"A challenge my friends." Said Harry.

"What kind of challenge?" asked one of the twins.

"All the teachers, within 24 hours. And they have to be good pranks."

"Interesting idea. I take it you against the two of us?"

"That is what I was thinking. I believe I can do it. If you don't mind, I'll go first, and you and if I cannot do it, you have a try at it. If I do succeed, you have to do it, but with better pranks. Also, I'll give you a slight handicap, I'll go before the week is out, then you two can pick any day before we leave for Christmas."

"We're in, but what are the steaks?" asked Fred.

"Loser has to give the winner complete access to their house common room for pranking purposes after the break?" Both the twins grinned at Harry.

"Deal." They said in unison.

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The fifth of November was a Guy Fawkes day that the teachers of Hogwarts would remember with a shudder the rest of their lives. Harry pranked them all.

Professor Sprout was forced to sing the song "What if God smoked Cannibus?" during all her classes.

Professor McGonagall was stuck in Nun's outfit. Every time she'd transfigure her clothes, the nun outfit would return. (**A/N: movie reference)**

Even though Hagrid really wasn't a teacher, all his hair fell out, and he was turned green.

Snape's voice was that of Daffy Duck. The muggle borns and half bloods thought this was funny, and couldn't stop laughing during class.

Another pop culture prank, was having Professor Sinestra, the Astromony teacher act like Captain Kirk.

Professor Vector's chalk was charmed to write dirty limericks whenever he tried writing out an equation on the board.

Trelawny was visited by the ghost of Christmas past and present. When she asked when the ghost of Christmas yet to come was going to show up, she was told that the future wasn't something anyone could predict. That didn't go over to well with her. Needless to say, there wasn't divination for two weeks after that.

Professor Flitwick's classroom was charmed to look like Munchkin village from the Wizard of Oz. The tiny professor found it so amusing, and good use of charms and transfiguration, that he left it like that for a week.

Professor Grubleyplank spent the day convinced that Mrs. Norris was a man eating lion. It didn't help that he had, unknowing, catnip in his pocket.

Professor Quirrell had a silencing spell on him all day, and no one really noticed.

Madame Pince and Pomfry were left alone, because it was agreed that nothing good would come of pranking either woman.

The Headmaster, however, was not safe.

He had found a new set of robes in his closet that morning. They had pictures of little green army men on them. He thought they were amusing. Even when at dinner, the army men jumped up off his robes, and re-enacted a battle on the head table.

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The following day, the twins came up to Harry to congradulate him on a job well done.

"Harry old chap…."

"…that may have been the most entertaining day of classes we've seen in awhile."

"At least, since the last time we pranked the teachers, that is."

"I'm glad you gentlemen enjoyed that. Now, the question is, can you top it? Remember, you have to get them all." Said harry.

"Mr. Potter, it is a challenge we intend to take very seriously."

"Not too seriously though." Said the other.

"We have a reputation to uphold. Which we will…."

"….by pranking every teacher twice on the last day before we leave."

"Wow, good luck with that. If you succeed, it'll be a good way to start off the vacation."

"Too true."

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Hermione had a lot to think over after Dende told her everything. Her perception of the wizarding world had be ratically changed. As had her opinion of the Headmaster. In fact, if what Dende said was true, she really had no reason to trust or believe in any wizarding authority figure. At least, in Britain, and probably Europe as well.

Dende had to split up their conversation into three nights. He would have been able to tell her everything in one night, but Hermione had questions for him.

It was while Harry was preparing for his prankfeast in the Library that she was able to confirm she wasn't going crazy.

"Hey Harry."

"Hey Hermione. How are you doing?"

"I'm doing ok. But I need to talk to you about a few things."

"Is this about getting the rest of that story out of me? I'm kind of busy, and there's a lot to tell."

"I know. In fact, I think I might already know it all. I just need something confirmed."

"You do? What's that?"

"What does Dende look like? And where does he live?" she asked. Harry's eyebrow raised.

"He lives in the Lookout, which is this large platform high in the sky. It has white tiles, a couple palm trees, and a palace looking place that belongs in India. Dende himself is green and usually wears white robes."

"Then it was all real."

"What was all real?"

"Dende has been visiting in my dreams lately."

"Oh, he has, has he?"

"Yes, he's been telling me all about your life, and what's going on. He had a lot to explain. Your history, and your family history, is a bit complicated, and really far out there if I do say so myself."

"Yeah, well, I've always thought myself unique."

"That's one way of putting it. By the way, Dende told me to ask you about the time you discovered pixie sticks and jumped off the Lookout."

"Oh no sister, you are not getting that story. Dende has been sworn to secrecy. It was shady just mentioning it. I'm going to have to have words with that boy when I get home over vacation."

"You do that. Also, Dende said you're the only person I can talk to about this."

"He probably put some pretty strong secrecy spells on you. Neither of us really want those in charge around here to know much about me. Yet."

"After what I heard, I don't blame you for not trusting the Headmaster, but he's a very strong wizard, don't you think he might be able to get around Dende's magic?"

"Nope. If there's one thing I'm sure about, is that if Dumbledore went up against Dende's magic, he'd lose. Horribly. They each use different kinds of magic, and Dende's is exponetionally stronger. Its on a whole other level. Trust me."

"Ok." They both just sat there for a minute. "What you working on Harry?"

"Oh nothing. Just a little side project." Hermione raised her eyebrow. "Just something to keep me and Blaise busy."

"Isn't your homework keeping you busy? I know mine sure likes to pile up."

"Nah, not really. I have that covered."  
"Are you planning another big prank? Like the one on Halloween?"

"You have no proof that was me. And I am slightly insulted that you would accuse me of such an act."

"Dende told me of his part in it."

"That back stabbing Namek. Just for that, his underwear is sooo going to be red."

"Red? Why not pink?"

"He normally wears pink underwear. Don't ask how I know this, I just do. I also know he hates red underwear. It makes him look weird when he dances around in nothing but his boxers. Mr. Popo makes sure there is Christmas music playing when he has on red underwear."

"That is a mental image I so didn't need."

"Speaking of, it was Dende who was responsible for the mental image you have from the beginning of the year of the headmaster getting spanked."

"Oh, prank him good for me. Please?"

"Yes Hermione."

"Thank you."

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**A/N: **Now I'll take a minute to answer some of the questions that have been asked that were not answered in the chapter I just wrote.

**Thealphamale: **As far as this being a Harry/Hermione ship, I'm going to say probably not. In fact, it kind of erks me slightly when writers have Harry getting with his 'soul mate' at the age of 12 or 13. Come on, how realistic is it for a kid that young, or even as old as 16-17, to find the one woman for them? I'll have Harry date when he's the right age, and he won't find 'the one' till I think he's old enough for that too. Any girl he's with at least till his forth year, maybe even fifth, is just going to be a friend. Then he'll start dating, and when he dates someone, that does not mean that's who he's going to date.

Sorry, had to rant slightly.

**ThePhantomHokage: **That also means no harem. Sorry.

**Jabarber69: **Sorry, all those hooker coupons got used up by my friends. I hear that the clinic made some money not to long after that…..

**FictionFighter22: **Nope. It'll be later then that.

Ok, I think that covers the basics. Props to anyone who can guess the movie I made the reference to above.

**A raise of hands for those that want something bad to happen to Ron in the next chapter?**


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N: Just because you're all so special, here's another update so fast. I hope you like what I do to Ron. I'm getting the feeling people don't like him either. grins evily Oh, and if you are disappointed, he'll get more later. **

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Ron Weasley was not a stupid person. Oblivious, thick head and often had a one track mind, but he was not stupid. He knew someone was upset with him. Ever since Halloween, he'd constantly been the victim of many pranks. At first, he thought it was the twins. Ever since they had turned him into a smaller version of them, something that really upset him since he'd always felt he had been in their shadows, they'd be merciless in their pranks on him.

He no idea what caused this new malice. He cornered them after the first day. He wanted to know why his clothes were to small, why his shampoo smelled like something a dead skunk would be offended by, why whenever he was not in the presence of teachers the word 'bitch' appeared on his forehead, and most importantly, why it burned when he peed.

The twins swore up and down they had nothing to do with anything that had happened to him. They still laughed at him none the less.

"Well, if you didn't do it, who did?" They just looked at him for a second, then broke out laughing.

"Who have you pissed off lately?" asked George.

"No one." Said Ron.

"You really are clueless, aren't you baby brother?" said Fred. They continued to laugh as they walked away.

The pranks didn't stop there. They only grew in malice.

One evening, Ron got confused/lost in the dungeons. He had no idea how that happened. Or how he kept running into Professor Snape every 15 minutes, and losing house points. It took him three hours, and one pissed off Potions Master before he got back to his dorm.

A week after the pranks started, Ron got a letter at Breakfeast. It was a simple letter, it only said:

_You owe someone an apology._

Ron had no clue to whom he owed an apology. In his mind, he hadn't done anything wrong lately. It baffled the red head. But then, a lot had been baffling him lately. He really wasn't doing that well in his school work. He didn't have anyone to study with. Seamus and Dean never studied, and he really didn't want to spend anytime with Neville. It was a real shame Harry Potter had ended up in Slytherin, he seemed like such a nice guy. Ron figured it must have just been an act. He knew that ALL Slytherins were snakes in the grass. They were all evil, and out to get you. He didn't go anywhere near Potter.

His sister Ginny was in love with The-Boy-Who-Lived. He'd have to warn her that Harry Potter was not a hero. He was pure evil, and his sister would have nothing to do with him. Not if he had anything to do with it. It confused him why his brothers hung out with him like they did. They must not have known what an evil git Potter was.

Ron crumpled up the letter and tossed it. He turned to tackle his breakfast. As soon as he tried to take a bit of his sausage, it jumped off his fork and back onto his plate. None of his food would let him eat it. After 20 minutes of trying, he gave up and started crying.

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The end of term finals were coming up really soon. Most students could be found in the library. Those in the library were studying, obviously. Except for a pair of Gryffindors who had a different project they were researching. Hermione and Neville were searching for reference of Nicholas Flamel. They had a mystery on their hands, and they planned on solving it.

Hermione was trying to solve it, because she was the kind of person who couldn't let something like this go. Neville was there because to him it seemed like the right thing to do. Neville may have been the quiet, shy type, but he knew what was right and what was wrong. Besides, it seemed like him and Hermione were the outcasts of their house. No one wanted anything to do with them. They didn't really warm up to each other right away. But once they did, they became good friends.

Harry entered the library and found them surrounded by a mountain of books.

"Hey Hermione, Neville. How go things?"

"Not so well. We're trying to find something, and we're not having much luck."

"Oh? Would you care for some help?" said Harry.

"Sure, that would be nice. We're trying to find a wizard by the name of Nicholas Flamel."

"I've heard that name before. Baba mentioned him once. From what she said, I'd imagine he's pretty old."

"What did she say?"

"I'd rather not talk about it." Harry said, motioning towards Neville with his eyes. Hermione got what he meant. He didn't want to talk about things in front of Neville.

"Why not?" asked Neville.

"It's rather personal. Not something to be talked about in public."

"Oh, ok then. Whatever you say Harry."

Harry and Neville really weren't that close. They were just both friends with Hermione. Harry had nothing against Neville, and treated him well. Which is a lot better then his housemates. They all thought of him as a joke.

The three of them continued to search. Eventually they found something. Of course, it was Harry.

"Son of a bitch!" he yelled.

"You found something?" asked Hermione.

"Yeah, listen to this: '_Nicholas Flamel is the creator of the Philosopher's stone. The legendary stone has the ability to turn lead into gold, and produces the Elixir of Life. Flamel and his wife are celebrated their 650th birthday recently._ This book is a couple years old." Harry tossed the book to Hermione and stormed out of the library. Hermione set the book down and ran after her friend.

Hermione caught up to him in an empty hall.

"Harry, wait up. What was that all about?" she asked.

"Remember how I said Baba mentioned him?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, she mentioned him when I asked her about how old I could get last year."

"What?"

"You know how wizards have a longer life span then normal people? By almost three times?"

"Yeah."

"Well, Saiyans also have a longer then human life span. I'm only the second wizard Saiyan. And we both know my mother died early. So I asked Baba what kind of lifespan I would be looking at. She said, and I quote: '_If you die of old age, knowing your kind, that may or may not happen. But if it does, you'll give old Nicholas Flamel a run for his money in the age department."_ Until today, I didn't know exactly what she meant. For me, this really isn't that good of news."

"I would think that finding out you could live for 600 years would be a good thing. Why does it have you so pissed?"

"In all honesty, I really have no desire to outlive my friends. Its bad enough most of my friends growing up had at least 20 years on me. I've always known I was going to outlive them, that's just how it is with grown ups. But finding out I have the potential to outlive people my age, and even younger."

"Bit depressing."

"Yup. But you know what that means, right?"

"What?"

"Just means I'm going to have to live fast, die hard, really hard, and leave a kick ass looking corpse." Harry laughed as Hermione punched him in the shoulder.

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End of term tests came and went. It was pretty harmless to those that were prepared. That'd be less them half, if anyone was keeping track.

The last day before vacation came, and true to their word, Fred and George pranked all the teachers twice. Some of them were excellent pranks, others seemed phoned in.

Several students got a kick out of seeing Professor Flitwick looking like a house elf. The flock of bats following Snape was another mentionable prank.

In all the chaos of the twins pranks, Harry snuck in a few of his own. At the suggestion of Blaise, he turned Ron into a girl via a potion in his drink.

"He really should learn to check his food and drinks." Harry said to Blaise as they laughed at the new Ron along with the rest of the school.

"With as many pranks that get played on him, you would think. Oh well." Replied Blaise. The two of them finished their own meals and headed back to their dorms to make sure they had everything packed.

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The train ride back to King's Cross was uneventfull. This may or may not have been in part to Malfoy getting super glued to the toilet seat. And the silencing spell on the loo. It was not a fun ride for him, but no one honestly cared.

When Harry and his friends got off the train, Harry looked over and saw a short spiked haired individual leaning up against the wall. Harry turned to his friends.

"This should be interesting." Hermione raised an eyebrow. They made their way over to the Saiyan prince.

"Its about time boy. You're wasting precious training time." Vegeta growled.

"Yes Grandfather. I'd like to introduce you to my friends. This is Hermione and Blaise. The twins are Fred and George." Vegeta nodded to them then turned to leave.

"Wow, he must like you guys. No insult or anything."

"That was your grandfather Harry?" asked Blaise.

"Actually, great grandfather. But yeah, he is."

"Seems like a nice guy." Said Fred. They all laughed at that.

"Alright guys, I gotta get going. I'll see you all after break. That is, if I'm still in one piece myself."

Harry ran off to catch up to Vegeta. The rest of them turned and went their separate ways.

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Harry and Vegeta walked out of the train station, and then down a couple blocks. Vegeta stopped Harry.

"We're flying home. You are to keep up with me. If you can't even do that, I'll know you've really been slacking off at that school of yours."

"I'll show you slacking off." Said Harry as he took off into the air. Vegeta smirked at Harry's retreating form.

"That's my boy." And then the Prince of All Saiyans took to the air himself.

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Harry spent about 95 of his waking time in the Gravity Gym over his Christmas vacation. And even some of his not awake time. Vegeta kept claiming that Harry had gotten soft at Hogwarts. In reality, that really wasn't the case. Harry had kept up in his training in secret. No one ever saw him when he went to the Room of Requirement to train. He'd actually gotten a bit stronger while he was away.

Not that Vegeta would ever admit that. He would also never admit that he really did love Harry. He was a much better Saiyan then most of his other decedents. Trunks' kids were a disgrace in his eyes. They were not fighters at all. They were the decedents of Bulma, not him. Harry on the other hand, he considered his heir. What was mind boggling to him, was that Harry was also the decedent of that clown Kakarot.

Harry was allowed a break Christmas morning so he could open his presents from friends and family. The big family Christmas dinner wasn't so much a break, but the required time allowed for a proper meal. A proper Saiyan meal itself, usually lasted at least an hour.

Before he knew it, Harry was back on the train headed towards Hogwarts. He was a little tired from the early morning flight. But after all the hard work he had to do over the break, the flight wasn't that bad.

Harry fell asleep in his seat with a grin on his face. He was thinking about all the surprises he left Vegeta before he left. Potions had their uses afterall

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A/N: Holly F---ing Ass crackers, two updates in one day. The world is going to end, I swear.

Right now, I'm working as a counsler, so I'm using most of my down time to write. That means you may be seeing more updates in the days to come. Yay.

**Also, this was the first chapter that addressed the Philosopher's stone. **.**I bet you all were thinking I forgot about it, didn't you? Admit it.**


	8. Chapter 7

Christmas at the Burrow was the same as any other holiday celebrated there; chaotic, to say the least. Or course, tensions ran a little high.

Molly Weasley almost cancelled Christmas on Ron's account. He was still a she. No one had been able to reverse the gender switching spells. Since it had happened so close to the holiday, most of the professors really didn't feel like dealing with it, so they left him like that. Molly instantly blamed the twins, but they said it wasn't one of theirs. They had numerous other pranks that day, but not Ron. They swore on their magic they hadn't played to many pranks on him the last semester.

Ron told his mother that he suspected he was the target of some mean spirited prankster. He must have done something wrong he was unaware of, he told her.

Molly Flooed Dumbledore. After yelling at him for 20 minutes, he agreed to come out to the Burrow on Boxing day to see if he could fix the problem. Being the important man that he is and all, he can't just drop everything and run off to fix a small problem like that.

Ginny Weasley enjoyed having a sister. And she never let her forget it. Being really nice and all into it was the meanest thing Ginny could have done. She really did take after the twins.

Speaking of the twins, of all the gifts they received for Christmas, the one that had them hiding out in their room laughing evily was the book from Harry. He sent them _"The Art of Flank Pranking". _The book was written by a pair of muggles, but the principals transitioned easily enough. It gave them all kinds of wicked ideas.

The day after Christmas, Dumbledore showed up. He asked to examine Ron privately.

"I really hope you can help me Headmaster." Said Ron.

"Actually, Professor McGonagal received a note yesterday. It said that your situation will fix itself a couple days after school starts back up. So, there's really no need for me to try anything." Replied Dumbledore.

"What? Then why are you here?"

"I'm here to recruit you."

"Recruit me?"

"That's what I said. I need someone to keep an eye on Harry Potter."

"I'm not sure sir. Harry and I aren't exactly friends."

"That's easily remedied. You can make friends with him easily enough."

"Do I have to?" Ron wined.

"Yes."

"Ok, I'll do it. But if you want to find out about Harry, why don't you ask his friends."

"Such as Hermione Granger?"

"Yeah, that know it all hangs out with Potter a lot. What a traitor to Gryffindor."

"If you say so Mr. Weasley. When the term starts back up, I want you to be Mr. Potter's new best friend. Whatever he does, you do. Where ever he goes, you go. And you let me know every detail. In return, you'll be handsomely rewarded."

"Wicked."

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Hermione had thought about staying at the castle over the break, but since all two of her friends were going to leave, and they somewhat solved the mystery of Nicholas Flamel, she really had no reason to stay. Her parents wanted to spend Christmas on the Spanish Coast. Being dentists, they really weren't hurting for money.

It was a quiet holiday, just the three of them. They exchanged presents and drank hot chocolate.

Hermione received a number of books from Harry. He knew exactly what to get her. Most of them were books she wouldn't find at Hogwarts, or perhaps even in Britain. Harry sent them in a Capsule, so that was also a part of her gifts. A storage Capsule was very convenient. I

Three days after Christmas, there was a knock at the Granger's door. Not expecting anyone, Mr. Granger answered it. Standing in the door way, was the visual embodiment of Merlin. At least, the popular version of what he looked like.

"Mr. Granger?"

"Yes?"

"I'm Albus Dumbledore, I'm the Headmaster at your daughter's school."

"Oh. Welcome, come on in Headmaster. It's pleasure to meet you." Dumbledore entered, and the went into the living room. "My daughter has had plenty of good things to say about your school since she got back. Though, I don't think she mentioned you at all."

Dumbledore was struck odd at that. Just about all the muggle born children praised him to an almost religious extent. He had built up his reputation for years. Most of the Wizarding world looked at him like their wise old grandfather. Not many could master the eye twinkle after all.

"With all that young Ms. Granger has learned, school can be a bit over bearing. I'm just sure she forgot to mention me. Is your daughter here by any chance? There is something I wished to discuss with her."

"Sure. One moment and I'll go get her.' Mr. Granger ran off to get his daughter. Dumbledore took a moment to view his surroundings.

"_Muggles really are simple creatures." _He thought to himself. They would have to be, since he manipulated their children so well.

After a couple of minutes, Hermione entered the room.

"Good day Headmaster." She said.

"Ah, Ms. Granger. I hope the Holidays are treating you well?"

"They are. What can I do for you sir? I was not aware the Headmaster made visits to the homes of his children over the winter break."

"Normally, we do not. But I have come hoping to find answers."

"What about?"

"Your young friend Mr. Potter."

"What about Harry? Is he alright? Has something happened to him?"

"No, no, nothing of that sort. You see, the thing is, I don't know where Mr. Potter is. He left for home, but we have no record of where his home is, or who he's even living with. As a school, this is unacceptable. We must have a way of contacting him." Dumbledore really wasn't lying to the girl, but he was twisting the truth enough that he sounded completely innocent, and just doing his job.

"I'm not exactly sure where he lives sir. He's mentioned staying in different places all over the world. I don't know where he calls home. He told me that if I needed to get ahold of him, I could just owl him."

"Ms. Granger, I find it a little hard to believe that he hasn't told you where he lives."

"But its the truth sir."

"No, I'm not sure that it is." With that, Dumbledore looked into Hermione's eyes, and by doing so, entered her mind.

What he found, he was not expecting. There was a large door, with a sign that read "Do not enter. Especially if you're a goat fucking old bastard who's in for some real disappointment in the next world" Albus thought that it must not have meant him. So he preceded though the door anyway.

He was expecting to find her memories, instead, he found himself in an immense white void. He floated in the void for a few moments before a loud thundering voice was heard.

"ALBUS DUMBLEDORE, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE IN THIS GIRL'S MIND. YOU DID NOT HEED MY WARNING. THEREFORE, YOU SHALL BE PUNISHED. YOU SHALL LOSE YOUR ABILITY TO READ MINDS UNTIL A POINT WHERE I HAVE DECIDED YOU HAVE EARNED THAT RIGHT. EVEN TRYING TO USE IT ON AN INNOCENT, AND YOUR TIME WITHOUT IT SHALL INCREASE. HEED MY WORDS DUMBLEDORE, AND DON'T FUCK WITH POWERS GREATER THEN YOURSELF."

Dumbledore was ejected from Hermione's mind with such a force, that he was thrown across the room. He landed in a heap on the Granger's couch. Hermione wasn't sure what was going on.

"Sir, are you all right? What just happened?" Dumbledore got up and looked Hermione in the eyes again, nothing happened this time.

"I'm not sure. I do believe its getting late, and I really must get back to the school. I shall see you back at Hogwarts Ms. Granger." With a pop, Albus Dumbledore aparated out of the Granger's home.

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Albus Dumbdledore sat in his office. The students would be returning the next day. He was thinking about the events at the Granger home.

"How dare whoever that was take away my Legilimens skills. I need that ability to check up on my students." Dumbledore was pissed. Not drunk, really mad. "I am the great Albus Dumbledore, what I do, I do for the greater good. Its not for some voice to come along, and scold me like I'm some child. When I find out who was responsible for this, they are going to pay dearly. Obviously, it wasn't Ms. Granger, she had no idea what was going on. Silly little girl, thinking herself so smart."

Albus didn't care that he was talking to himself out loud. The only beings that heard him were the sorting hat, and his phoenix companion, Fawkes. Both of which, had a pretty good idea of what happened. They both felt ashamed that the Headmaster didn't see what was going on. When a higher being says not to do something, you don't do it. They both knew that things were not going to end well for one Albus Dumbledore.

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The train ride back to Hogwarts started out uneventfull. Harry found a compartment with his friends. He, Hermione, Neville and Blaise all sat together. They chit chatted about what they did over the break. Harry mentioned how sore he was from all the training he did.

Hermione didn't talk about the visit she received from their headmaster, but made a point to talk to Harry about it later.

After about an hour, there was a knock at the door. A female Ron Weasley entered their compartment.

"You guys mind if I join you?" He/She asked.

"I don't know, what do you think Hermione, should we let him join us?" Harry asked with an innocent look in his eyes.

"Um….sure, why not? Anyone else object?" Neville was about to, but Blaise elbowed him before he could. One thing Blaise had learned over the last couple of months, besides 'don't fuck with Harry Potter', was when Harry had something planned. He had a certain innocent look to him that was deceiving to those that didn't know him. God help his enemies.

Ron took a seat next to Harry. "So, Harry, how was your Christmas?" Harry raised an eyebrow.

"It was alright. Not as eventful as Halloween. You remember Halloween, don't you Ron?" Harry was going to give Ron one last chance to apologize to Hermione.

"Yeah, with that troll, and everyone turning into the twins, it was a wild night." Harry and Hermione both looked at each other and sighed. Ron was a lost cause.

"Right, just the troll and prank. That was a pretty good prank. If I knew who did it, I'd have to congratulate them." Said Harry.

"It was a pretty good prank." Said Ron.

"Wait, Ron, you're saying that was a pretty good one, yet the one you're currently a victim of isn't?" Said Neville. "They seem pretty close. I wouldn't be surprised if they were done by the same person. Or at least, knew who did the other one." This got Ron a little angry. And it also provided a cover for Harry to start casting some spells on Ron without him knowing. Harry couldn't quite do silent spells, but he could whisper.

"They really aren't the same. I'm not all me anymore. At least, with the other one, I still had all my bits and pieces. But then, you really wouldn't know anything about that, now would you Longbottom?" yelled Ron. Not only was he loud, but he was rude as well. Lucky enough for Harry, he finished his spell work while Ron was doing all his yelling.

"Hey now, that's not very nice Ron. I think you should apologize for that."

"Why the bloody hell should I? Its not like the poofter has a pair." If Ron was trying to make friends with Harry, he was doing EVERY thing wrong. Harry just looked at Ron for a moment, then said one word.

"Leave."

"What?"

"I said leave. Before we have to throw you out. And that won't be pretty." Having already lost his temper somewhat, Going for the Coup De Gras seemed like the logical thing for Ron.

"I'd like to see you try Potter. You act all big and bad, but you're just a silly little ophan who hangs around even bigger losers then you." That really was not the right thing to say.

Before he could even blink, Ron was picked up, drug out the door, and hurled like a rag doll down the hall of the car. He hit the wall with a loud thud, and he was out cold. Harry was back in his seat before anyone realized he got up.

"Someone want to lock the door? Not to bad mouth your house, but we really don't need any Gryffindor trash in here mucking the place up." Said Blaise. But before anyone could lock the door, Malfoy and his goons entered. "Or Slytherin." He added under his breath.

"Potter. I have come to let you know that this term is going to be different."

"You're leaving the school?" Harry asked. Hermione and Neville let out a cheer.

"No, don't be daft. This semester is going to be different, because our house is going to get itself in order. You and your sidekick are going to step in line, or else. That means no more hanging around mudbloods and squibs. You're going to get in place, under me. I'm the prince of Slytherin."

"First off Malfoy, the only way I'd be under you, is if you slipped me a really strong Rufee. And that's just not going to happen. And second, my friends are my friends. If they happened to be the smartest and bravest in our year, who are you to tell me not to hang out with them?"

"I'm Draco Malfoy, that's who. And you'll remember you place Potter. You're nothing but a lucky little half blood. The Dark Lord should have killed you that night you know. You got really lucky."

"And you're really lucky to still be standing there. Get out of my presence Malfoy, are you're going to find youself a permanent guest of the hospital wing." Harry glared at Malfoy in such a way, that the blonde pissed his pants. Everyone saw. Needless to say, it was going to be school gossip very soon.

Malfoy and his goons left in a hurry.

"What's with idiots and not being able to leave us alone?" Harry asked his friends. The all just shrugged their shoulders.

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Harry and Blaise sat by themselves at dinner that night. None of the other Slytherins wanted anything to do with them. Obviously Draco had gotten his way. Rumor had it, Malfoy Senior talked to all the parents of the rest of the house, and they were all started to act the way he thought they should. That is, all of them except for Harry and Blaise. But in all honesty, they really didn't give a flying fuck.

Their meal was interrupted when a large buzzard flew in and landed in front of Harry. Most of the students gave him an odd look. They had never seen a buzzard deliver mail before. Harry just rolled his eyes. He took the paper from the bird, and it took back off into the air.

He unfolded the paper and read it over. It was written in a magical script that only allowed the intended person to read it. It would not be translated by any means. If someone tried to force it with magic, it was just insult them. The letter was from Baba.

"Well, ain't that some shit." Harry said after reading it.

"What is it Harry?" asked Blaise.

"I asked a friend to look into something for me. Research project Hermione roped me into helping with. I just got my answer, and it really isn't what I was expecting."

"Care to enlighten me?"

"Trust me Blaise, this is one of those things you're really better off not knowing."

"Oh, ok then." Harry usually shared things with him about what was going on. Or at least, that's what he thought. He felt that he should trust Harry when he said he didn't need to know. Blaise knew that Harry got involved in shit that was way over his level, so he just let his friend take care of what he needed to take care of.

Over at the Gryffindor table, Harry's spells from the train were taking affect. Now, Ron was not only a girl, but he was an even uglier girl. He smelled of rotten cheese. He had hair growing out of the back of his shirt. His forehead came forward a little, giving him that dumb cave girl look. He eyebrows came together to form a thick unibrow. And he started talking in either a lisp, or in grunts.

Also, his pumpkin juice tasted like piss, but that had nothing to do with anything Harry did. Ron was in the same house as a pair of prankster after all.

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The next day, Harry and Hermione met up in a deserted area of the Library.

"Hey Hermione."

"Hey Harry."

"I have something to talk about." They both said at the same time.

"You go ahead first." Said Harry.

"The headmaster visited me over the break."

"Oh?"

"He tried to read my mind."

"The bastard. I'll get him for you.

"No need. Dende put in a protection."

"He did?"

"Yup. He told me the details that night after Dumbledore left. Apparently, he can't read anyone's mind now. I imagine that will annoy him greatly, if even half the stories are true."

"Oh, they're true. I'm sure of it."

"Also, whenever he pees, its going to feel like he's peeing broken glass."

"Ouch."

"Yup. Now, what did you have to tell me?"

"I asked Baba about Nicholas Flamel over the holiday, explained what was going on. She said she'd talk to him, since they're old friends. And she'd send me a letter. I got it at dinner last night."

"I was wondering about that."

"What she had to say was very informative. It seems that old Nicky pulled a fast one on our esteemed Headmaster. He gave him a fake stone. He knew Dumbledore was full of shit when he talked about the greater good, and how they needed to use the stone to lure out Riddle. Flamel thinks that if he gave the stone to Dumbledore, he'd never see it again. And for someone of his age, he's not going to part with the one thing keeping him alive. He figures that what most likely would happen, is at some point, the stone would be 'destroyed', but in reality, would be in Dumbledore's person vault somewhere."

"That's messed up."

"Tell me about it."

"That means the school isn't safe, all because one old man is playing games?"

"Exactly. Makes you think about changing schools, doesn't it?"

"No kidding."

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**A/N: Hoped you enjoyed. I'm really trying to wrap up year one as soon as possible. **

**Ok, survey time.**

**I'm going to have Dende appear at Hogwarts in the near future, but in human form. Which Actor should play Dende's human form?**

**Jerry O'Connel**

**Frankie Muniz**

**Danny Masterson**

**Ben Aflick**

**Brandon Ruth**

**Other (write in vote)**

**I probably spelled half those names wrong. Sorry. Anyway, if there's a serious outcry for one, I'll go with that. If not, I'll choose.**

**Speaking of outcries, you guys really don't like Ron, huh?**

**Well, peace and love till the next update.**


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hi. I thought I'd take a minute before starting the next chapter to explain something. A couple of people have noted how out of character Ron seems. They have said that he's only 11 years old and that I'm misrepresenting him.**

**I'd like to point out something a few fan fiction writers seem to forget about, and that is causality. If you change something early on, it affects all the events to come. In this story, Ron did not become friends with Harry. He also did not become friends with Hermione. **

**Ron has a pre existing disposition against Slytherins. Harry was sorted into Slytherin in this AU. **

**Ron is dense. This is cannon fact. Also, he's jealous of those that have more then him. Cannon fact. **

**All of these elements have molded Ron into the character he is becoming. He doesn't have the same best friends in this world, which means he does not have the influences of those relationships. **

**I hope that clears some things up. Now, on with the story.**

**Wait, I need to restate something.**

**NO EATING OR DRINKING WHILE READING THIS STORY. (yet another person has had a soda related incident while reading it)**

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It was on the third day back from vacation, a Saturday, when the spells on Ron finally wore off. (though, he still found panties in his dresser.) It was also that day, that Harry received his first Howler.

Harry just sat down to eat his breakfeast, when an owl came swooping down to him. It held a smoking red envelope. Harry took the envelope from the owl. It immediately opened itself. A loud, gruff voice erupted from it.

"YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID. UP AGAINST THE WALL. 6 HOURS."

That's all it said. Harry hung his head, got up from the table and walked over to the wall. He flipped himself up onto one hand, then raised onto just one finger. He was holding himself upside down on one finger. Just about everyone in the hall was looking at him.

Professor Snape walked over to where Harry was positioned.

"Potter, what are you doing?"

"Apparently, my great grandfather didn't like the hair dye I left in his shower over the holidays. And now I'm being punished."

"What kind of hair dye to you leave him Harry?" asked Blaise, who was sitting at the table not too far from him.

"The kind that changes your hair color everyday." Laughter broke out amongst the students.

"Very well Potter. Obviously you have to stay like that for 6 hours?" said the Potions master.

"That's what he said."

"You know he's not here, correct?"

"This is true. But my great grandfather is like Santa or Jesus, he's always watching somehow. I don't know how he does it. But if I don't remain like this, he'll know. And the punishment I'll receive will be much much much worse."

"Its fortunate that today is Saturday, and you will not be missing any classes. Make sure you do all your homework."

"Yes sir." And with that, Severus Snape turned and left the hall, robes billowing in the nonexistent wind.

After a couple of minutes Blaise and Hermione both found themselves sitting by Harry.

"So Harry, how long are you going to be able to hold this up for? You going to be able to make it the whole 6 hours?" asked Hermione.

"This is nothing. I barely feel it. This really is on the light end of the punishment spectrum."

"You're kidding!" she exclaimed.

"Not at all. This will give me time to think though."

"About what?" asked Blaise.

"Who told my great grandfather how to make a howler? And what I'm going to do to cast my vengeance of them for doing so. Today just opened a whole can of worms. I'll probably get them daily now." Upside down, Harry just shook his head.

"Well, lets think about this logically, how many people know your him and know how to make a howler?" asked Hermione. She was going to avoid the topic of child abuse for now. Harry seemed fine. She'd bring it up another day.

"I can only think of two. And they both have messed up senses of humor. But the thing is, both of them would be suspect to the prank I pulled. So you'd think they would have been hiding soon after it went off."

By this point, most of the Great hall had cleared out.

"I'd love to keep you company all day Harry, but unlike you two brainiacs, I have homework to do. Have fun." Said Blaise as he got up and left.

"You really left Prince Vegeta magical hair dye?" said Hermione. She was able to ask a few things with no one else around.

"Yeah. I wish I could have seen the expression on his face when it turned pink. He really hates pink. With a passion. Perhaps it was best that I was on the other side of the world when that happened."

"Yeah, that probably was best for the Potter line." The two friends shared a laugh. Harry kept his balance the whole time.

"This really no problem for you?"

"Yeah. This is only in one G."

"G?"

"I train a lot in a gravity gym. That's a special room where the gravity is increased. I've had to do this in 150 Gs before, and for longer."

"That's inhuman."

"Well….yeah. He's not human, and I'm only three quarters human. Its how we work."

"I know Dende said Saiyans were a warrior race. But he didn't say how nuts you are."

"You really shouldn't say something like that."

"Why not?"

"You shouldn't call us nuts till you've seen us go all out in a fight. Then you can call us nuts."

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The early months of the year flew by like they normally do. The snow melted, and the students studied. The flowers came out, and the students studied. Ron Weasly opened his mouth, and he was pranked. As was the way of life at Hogwarts.

However, all was not going to plan at Hogwarts. At least, not to the Headmaster's plan. He had so masterfully set things in motion. The stone was in the school. Tom's spirit was in the school. Harry Potter was in the school. But by the looks of things, they weren't all going to come together in one big showdown like he had planned.

Dumbledore wasn't a fool. He knew that his Defense teacher was possessed. Any idiot who know him a couple years ago could tell that. It just went to show how oblivious some people really were. And they were better off that way in Dumbledore's opinion. It meant that they could leave the important things, like running the world, to people like him.

The way things were going now, would not do at all. Harry wasn't at school over the vacation, which meant Dumbledore wasn't able to give him his father's cloak. The cloak that had all kinds of tracking spells. Perhaps at the end of the year?

But what to do now? He had to get Harry together with Tom. He also needed a reason to 'destroy' the stone. It was for the greater good that the stone not be available for some mad man to use. He was Albus Dumbledore, he deserved the gifts the stone provided.

The Headmaster sat there and re evaluated his pawns. He needed to move them just right. And they had better move right, or else he'd get upset. And when Albus got upset, Mr. Twinkles got annoyed. And when Mr. Twinkles got annoyed, people died. Who is Mr. Twinkles one might wonder. Well, he could either be considered Albus' imaginary friend. Or the dark side of his personality.

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Harry was walking down the hallway, whistling. He seemed like he didn't have a care in the world. That was wrong. He had to pee. Really badly. But not badly enough that he would run. He walked casually.

What Harry really liked, was that he practically had his own personal bathroom. No one entered Myrtle's bathroom. No one willing anyway. So Harry used it himself. So what if it was a girl's room. No girls were in there. Well, other then Myrtle anyway. And she was perfectly willing to share her bathroom with Harry. Especially since he wasn't shy, and didn't mind when she watched him.

Myrtle was an interesting person to talk to in Harry's opinion. There were many mornings that would find Harry sitting on the toilet, chatting away with her. Myrtle probably told Harry more about herself then she did just about anyone when she was alive, let alone dead. Dead, no one wanted anything to do with her. Except for Harry. She even helped Harry out on the occasional prank, when she was able to. It felt so good to her to actively participate with the living. She hadn't had much of that in the last 50 years.

Harry entered Myrtle's bathroom, still whistling, and walked straight into on of the stalls. He unzipped his pants, hefted himself out of his pants, and let loose.

It wasn't long before he heard giggling. Harry didn't even physically react.

"Morning Myrtle. How are you doing today?" Harry asked.

"Hi Harry. I'm dong dreadfull, as usual."

"Why dreadful?"

"Peeves."

"Again?"

"Yeah."

"What did I tell you about Peeves?"

"That's he's just a mean spirited prick, and I shouldn't mind him any."

"Exactly. There's only one thing Peeves is good at, and even that, I'm better at." They both knew he was talking about pranking. It was also here, that Harry finished what he was doing.

"You know Harry, it still amazes me, how big you are for your age." Harry rolled his eyes. He knew what she was talking about, but decided to act innocent.

"I'm not that tall. There are a lot of guys my age that are taller then I am."

"That's not what I was talking about."

"Are you calling me fat then? Myrtle, I am shocked you would say something so hurtful. You know full well that I try to watch my girlish figure." Myrtle started giggling.

"You know what I'm talking about Harry. I know you see me watch you all the time."

"And there's nothing wrong with watching. I have nothing to be ashamed of. And you seem to like it. " Harry smirked at her. Which caused Myrtle to blush. "You don't blush too often you know."

"Only with you Harry."

"That makes me feel special then."

"As it should." Said Myrtle.

Harry considered Myrtle a really good friend. She didn't judge him and was always there to talk to him. The number of people at Hogwarts Harry considered a friend could be counted on his hands.

Myrtle on the other hand, was in love with Harry. Sure, she had had crushes on boys over the years. She would watch them in the bath. But none of them talked to her, or even acknowledged her existence. Harry was different. He seemed to really care about her, and wasn't using her for anything. He was honest with her, and cared about how she was doing. He didn't judge her based on what everyone said about her. Sure, she'd start crying on him, but he'd try to comfort her, not appease her like everyone else.

"Well, I gotta get going. I have class in a little bit. It was good talking to you Myrtle. Try not to let Peeves get to you. He's a shmuck." Harry waved at her as he left. Myrtle continued to blush. Even though he was only 11 years old, she was having very adult thoughts about him.

Then she remembered she was a ghost, and started crying again.

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Ron ran into the library. Or at least, did the best he could at running. It really is hard to run without any kneecaps. He was on a mission. He had to find Harry.

"Harry." Yelled Ron, as he found him and Hermione studying in a corner.

"Yes Ron?" asked Harry. He thought that the red head might have finally figured out that it was Harry that had been pranking him nearly daily.

"I just found out something. It turns out that the teachers are hiding the Philosopher's Stone here at school, and You-Know-Who is after it." Harry and Hermione both looked at each other and each raised an eyebrow.

"And how did you learn this?" asked Harry.

"Well….um…..I was trying to sneak around, you know, like the twins, and I overheard a private conversation between the Headmaster and that git Snape."

"Interesting. What do you suggest we do about this then?"

"I think we should go down and get the stone before He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named can."

"Ron, might I try a little logic with you? Or would that overload you?"

"Logic?"

"Follow me, if you can. The teachers are protecting the stone. You said that yourself. The Philosopher's stone is a very powerful and valuable object. They are probably using some very strong means of protection. Do you honestly think that three first years would be able to get through that?"

"But what about You-Know-Who?"

"_He _might be able to. But that's why Dumbledore is protecting the stone. He's supposed to be the most powerful wizard and all that. If old Voldie gets the Stone, then the blame rests with Dumbledore. Not with three first years that knew they were out of their league."

"I guess that makes some sense."

"Now, we're in the middle of studying. Would you kindly leave us in peace?"

"Yeah, you wouldn't catch me studying on a day like this." Ron turned and left. Hermione spoke up for the first time.

"I wonder what that was all about."

"Did you notice how full of shit he was?"

"It was a bit obvious. You think he was set up or fed the information?"

"I'm thinking he was fed it. Dumbledore might be 'crazy' enough to slip and talk about the stone like that, but not Snape. Snape's too smart for that."

"True enough. What does this mean then?"

"That the old man is still playing games. And we need to watch out for the red head. He's playing a game of chess he really shouldn't be." The two of them shared a look, then continued with their studying.

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The week going into the finals had Slytherin house in high spirits. They had cleaned up, and won the Quidditch Cup. They were also light years ahead of the other houses in points, so the House Cup was going to be theirs as well. Silly Weasly twins.

Harry and Blaise were probably the only two first years not worried finals in their house. Malfoy was all kinds of worried, but he tried to play it off. Not very well mind you. It was unclear if Crabbe and Goyle even knew that finals were coming up. It was unclear if Crabbe and Goyle even had thoughts going through their heads.

Over in Gryffindor, Hermione was the only first year not worrying. Neville had some nerves, but then, he almost always did. Dean and Seamus were cramming as hard as they could. Ron was borderline suicidal. He hadn't studied at all. All year. He was royally screwed, and everyone knew it. He was a complete mess. Harry was nice, and let up on the pranks. Of course, Hermione may have had something to do with that.

The finals started on a Monday, and went well. Or at least, well for those that were prepared. Harry had no trouble with his. He and Hermione had a wager on who would do better. Loser had to take the winner out for dinner over the break at some point. Harry intended to win. He had a secret competitive streak he didn't let out much.

Half ways through the finals, Dumbledore left on business in London. Harry and his friends really didn't pay attention to it. Later that day, their Defense teacher disappeared from the school. No one had any idea where they went. Well, most had no idea, there were a couple that did.

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Deep in the Forbidden Forrest, a cloaked figured raised up a red stone. An ethereal spirit left the figure and flew towards the stone. As soon as it left the body, the body fell over dead.

The spirit hit the stone and entered it. The stone lit up for a couple minutes, then the spirit left. Nothing had happened. The stone had been a fake.

Tome Riddle had lost his host, and more importantly, the he didn't have his body back. Needless to say, he was not a happy camper.

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On the last day of school, Dumbledore summoned Harry up to his office. This time, the password was given to him. Before he got there, Dumbledore was sitting there stewing in his anger about losing the Stone to Tom. Harry should have stopped him. He was mad at his pawns for not moving properly.

Harry entered.

"You wished to see me Headmaster?"

"Yes Harry. Please have a seat. Lemon drop?" the old man offered.

"No thank you." Harry knew they were drugged.

"I have good knews for you. I talked to your Aunt Petunia. She and her husband have agreed to take you in."

"But I have a home sir."

"Yes, you may think so. But family is important. I really feel that you should be living with your family Harry."

"But sir, I am living with my family."

"Pish posh Harry. The Dursleys will be at King's Cross to pick you up later today." Harry didn't feel like arguing with the senile old man.

"Is that all sir? I need to finish packing."

"One other thing. I wanted to say how disappointed I am in you inaction the other day Harry."

"Sir?"

"You knew that Voldemort was after the stone, and yet, you didn't do anything to stop him. That disappoints me greatly. Now, we have a Dark Lord out there with a new body. I think we are about to enter a new age of darkness."

"There are two things wrong with that sir. Why would it be the responsibility of an 11 year old child to protect the Wizarding World from a crazyman seeking immortality? You were trusted to protect the stone. And I guess it would probably be ok, if I told you that you weren't even protecting the real stone. So we don't have a Dark Lord to worry about. At least, not yet."

"What are you talking about?"

"I have a mutual friend with Nicholas Flamel, and I found out through them, that Flamel didn't trust you to give you the real stone. It would have been a bit gullible on his part if he had, don't you think?" Dumbledore was gobbed smacked. His jaw just hung there for a moment. "If that's all sir, I'll take my leave." With that, Harry left.

Dumbledore was able to recover himself. He was pissed. He was beyond pissed. How dare Flamel defy him like that. He was Albus Dumbledore, Flamel should feel honored to lay down his immortality for him. He was going to spend his summer planning revenge on all those that had defied him. He already had a start with the Potter boy. He was going to be miserable with the Dursleys. He had made sure of that. A few well placed charms. They would take him in, and treat him worse then a slave. At least there was that silver lining to all the shit that had gone down.

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Harry and his friends had found their own compartment. Sitting in there was Harry, Blaise, Hermione, Neville and the Twins Weaslys. They were reminiscing about their favorite pranks of the year. The twins yielded to Harry as the superior prankster. But they had no hard feelings, as they were friends after all. Harry had told them that they were going to have to keep in contact over the summer, so they could plan a big start of year prank for next year.

"So, Harry, what are your plans for the summer?" asked Neville.

"Actually, I'm heading to Australia in July."

"Vacation?"

"World Martial Arts Tournament."

"What?" asked everyone else in the compartment.

"Australia is hosting the World Martial Arts Tournament this year. There's only one every five years, and I wasn't allowed to enter last time. I'm really looking forward to it."

"That sounds….fun Harry." Said Blaise. All the pureblood wizards had no idea what he was talking about. Hermione on the other hand, did.

"You're entering the junior division, aren't you?"

"Yeah, they won't let me fight the adults. Which is a shame, cause I think I'd do pretty well."

"Well, they wouldn't do very well to get beaten by a child, now would they?"

"They added a new rule this year. After both tournaments end, the junior champion, and the world champ get to fight in an exhibition match. If the junior champion can win, he gets to enter the adult division next tournament, regardless of age." Harry grinned at that.

"Which means you'll get to fight in it 2 years early if you win it, huh"

"Yup."

"Good luck."

"Thanks."

"What the bloody hell are you two talking about?" asked Blaise.

"Don't worry about it Blaise. I'll show you pictures next train ride."

"Oh, ok then."

When they got to about three quarters of the way to London, Harry got up and made sure he had all of his things in their proper Capsules.

"Ok folks, this is where I get off." Said Harry.

"What? Why?" asked Hermione.

"It seems a certain goat loving Headmaster has contacted some very….unsavory….people to 'take care' of me for the summer. I'd rather not be at the station. So, I'm just going to get off here."

"But the train's still moving." Stated Neville.

"So?" Harry opened the window.

"You're nuts. You'll kill yourself."

"Well guys, I'll see you next year. Don't forget to write. Toddles" And with that, Harry dove out the window. As soon as he was out of the window, everyone gathered around it to see what happened.

They were all surprised to see Harry flying off into the horizon.

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**A/N: End year one. Yay. does a major happy dance The next chapter will be the summer, then on to year two.**

**A lot of people are saying Jerry O'Connel and Frankie Muniz. There have been a couple interesting ideas thrown out there.**

**Ben Afflick has been getting some votes, but no one has mentioned his counterpart Matt Damon. **

**I think I'll answer a few questions now.**

**Aliestrikehero - I agree that some Namekians come off as black. Piccolo for sure. Kami not so much. (as seen by his disguise at the end of Dragonball) In my opinion, Dende's always come off more as a white boy. Espcially when he was all whiny on Namek. I'm thinking a Caucasian male, in either late twenties or early thirties. (though, someone did point out Sean Connery, and that made me pause and think about it) As far as when this takes place, its around 30 years post GT. And as to who's alive, you'll just have to wait and find out.**

**New Dye – Some people will be pranked, others won't. However, those that deserve it shall have righteous saiyan anger/vengeance bestowed upon them. Everyone will get what they deserve in this story. Everyone. Well, maybe except for Percy, and that's only cause I don't feel much like writing a forced sodomy scene. **

**Natoz – I have one or two in my favorites. There really aren't that many out there. And those that are pretty good, really don't update that often. But then, who am I to say anything? I sometimes go a long time without doing it myself. **

**A Shadow Of Deus – I don't think I'm going to do any random impalings. Well, that aren't part of someone's drugged out hallucination anyway. winks And yes, I used your idea. Just for you. Feel special.**

**Burnunti – No, just no.**

**Regress13 – read the author's note at beginning of chapter. **

**After Harry finishes at Hogwarts, I'm thinking about possibly making this a multi crossover. What do you guys want to see this crossover with? What would be good? What would be bad and result in the burning of effigies of me? Let me know.**

**Spoiler alert:**

**I just thought I'd mention one thing to come. For those of you that don't like Ron. He may or may not be repeating his first year at Hogwarts. **

**grins evily**


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N: Here's the summer adventure. A challenge I present to you, name all the crossovers found in this chapter. Most of them are only going to appear here, but some might be significant later on. Which ones? You'll have to wait and see. And neither Harry Potter nor Dragonball count.**

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Two old men sat at a table, both sipping tea.

"Its good to see you again Master Roshi, its been a long time."

"That it has been Tien. Or is it Master Tien now?"

"You don't need to call me Master."

"But you've taken on students now, correct?"

"I have one now, Kim. Speaking of which, she's going to participate in the upcoming World Martial Arts Tournament."

"I have two boys I'm training as well. I wasn't going to let them go."

"But you are now? What changed your mind?"

"I had lunch with Gohan a few weeks ago. Something he said changed my mind."

"Don't keep me in suspense."

"You may remember when I was training Goku and Krillen all those years ago, I let them fight, but I dressed up as Jackie Chun?"

"How could I forget, that wig was so bad."

"It was not! Anyway, the reason I did that, was because I didn't want them to win at such a young age and get a big head. These kids have worked pretty hard and come a long way. I figured under normal circumstances, they'd clean up a junior tournament."

"Well, my girl could probably take your boys. I just realized, this will be the first time in about 75 years that our two schools have gone up against each other."

"That may be, but I doubt your girl has much of a chance either."

"Why's that?"

"Gohan told me Harry is competing."

"Harry who?"

"Goten and Bra's grandson. The boy's been raised mostly be Vegeta from what I hear."

"Shit. Our kids don't have much of a chance, do they?"

"The proverbial snowball in hell has a better chance in all honesty."

"This will be an interesting tournament, to say the least."

"Very true."

And the two old martial arts Masters continued to drink their tea.

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The World Martial Arts Tournament was held right outside of Sydney. They needed the space. To say that things were a circus was an understatement. There were those competing, their friends and families, the T.V people, the people running the show, and people selling just about anything you would want to buy. There were vendors all over the place. There were so many people, it would be easy to get lost.

It was a question of who would accompany Harry to the Tournament. None of the adults were competing, so whoever went, would be there to pretty much watch and babysit. Neither of which sounded all that fun.

Vegeta refused to go out of principal. He said he didn't need to go, and that Harry was going to win so easily, there was really no need to. This slightly disappointed Harry, until his great grandfather looked at him, smirked and said "You had better win boy, or else." Harry took it as a challenge.

Harry's cousin Bulma, the eldest daughter of Trunks and Pan, was busy with her newest baby. And her sister Videl refused to go after her and Harry's trip to the train the summer before.

For some reason, no one could find Pan or Trunks to ask either of them. So they weren't able to.

18 was busy running Capsule Corp. She had been given the job after Krillin died, as something to keep her mind off of things. That, and Trunks really didn't like the job. He preferred to play around with his wife.

Harry needed someone to go with him. His family wasn't about to let him go on his own. They knew what kind of trouble he could get into. So, Harry had to convince/blackmail Dende to go with him.

There was a little more then a month between when school let out, and when the tournament started. Harry spent almost all of that time training to get ready. Ok, he probably didn't need it. But Vegeta claimed that Hogwarts had been making Harry soft, and he needed to spend some time doing some serious training. That training of course involved 16 hours a day in the Gravity Gym.

Unlike a lot of tournaments in the past, this one was going to be a multi day event. The kids would have their preliminaries first thing. They would be whittled down to the top eight, and those would compete in the main arena in front of everyone. While the junior division fought, the adult had their own preliminaries. That would take up most of the first day. The second day, the top 16 adults would fight in the main arena. A winner would be crowned, and the final event would be an exhibition match between the junior champion and the world champion. If the junior champion won, he would be allowed to fight in the next tournament in the adult division, regardless of age. This rule was put in place to appease some of the promising young fighters who felt they were getting cheated out of their chance to win the championship. But with there being 5 years between tournaments, no one really figured someone 12 or under could beat the World Champion.

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Harry and Dende appeared right in the middle of a crowd of people the day of registration. Of course, no one really paid them any attention. They had their own things going on.

Harry was wearing all black. His outfit matching the one his great grandfather Vegeta wore the first time he competed in this tournament in style. Harry left out the gloves though. Just the pants and shirt for him.

Dende was wearing more then just clothes. He looked human. He didn't think it would be a good idea for him to look like his normal self. So, the Guardian of the Earth took on a human guise. He appeared to be in his 20s, Caucasian male, brown hair.

"Where did you come up with that?" asked Harry.

"I borrowed this appearance from an American Scientist by the name of Quinn Mallory."

"Don't you think this Mallory guy will get a little upset or confused if he sees you here on t.v or something?"

"I doubt it. Mr. Mallory is….a bit lost, as it were. He won't mind." Dende just smirked at Harry. Harry rolled his eyes. He just figured it was a good thing that Dende was able to fit into a crowd of people, never mind the Namek's odd sense of humor.

The two of them made their way over to the registration desk.

"Hello." Said the little man working the desk. "How can I help you?"

"I'm here to compete in the tournament." Said Harry.

"Fill this out and return it to me." The little man looked at Dende, "Are you his father?"

"Oh no. I'm not responsible for bringing this demon spawn into the world. I'm only responsible for him while he's here."

"That's nice. But we need a parent to sign the release form."

"I'm his Godfather. That close enough?" aksed Dende. Harry rolled his eyes at the pun. Or course, he was the only one there who knew it was a pun.

"That should be fine." Said the man. Harry and Dende moved away from the desk. Harry filled out the form, and had Dende sign where he needed to.

"Dende Shen?"

"What? I needed a last name. When the part of Piccolo that was Kami competed, he went by Shen. So why not?"

"Ok. Whatever." They turned in the paper work.

"The preliminaries for the junior division start in one hour. Parents and guardians are not permitted to attend. The Junior division will be have its quarter finals through finals in the main arena this evening. You need to go through the door over there." The man said to Harry, pointing to a door behind him.

Harry and Dende parted ways. Harry off to get the preliminaries out of the way. Dende to find a taco. For some reason, Dende really like tacos. No one could figure it out. Harry had his suspicions that Dende was the only reason Taco Bell made it through the 80s. Act of a God and all.

Harry found his way to where the preliminaries were being held. He entered a very large room. There were 8 mini arena set up. In the front of the room was a giant board that broke down the fighting brackets. There had to be a good 200 kids in there at least.

After a few minutes, a man with a microphone stood up where the giant board was.

"May I have your attention please." The man said. He was wearing a pair of sunglasses, even though he was inside. "I need each of the fighters in the room to find one of the attendants holding a box. In all the boxes are numbers. They will place you on the bracket, and tell you which arena you will be fighting on. Each arena will have 25 fighters. You go till there is just one fighter left from each arena. If you've noticed there are 8 arenas. Therefore we shall have our final 8. Good luck kids." The man got down.

Harry made his way over to a short bald man in some odd looking orange robes. He held a box with a hole in it. Harry reached in and pulled out a number. He looked at it, then at the board. He headed over to the arena he would be fighting at.

Since this is children we are talking about, not everyone was able to do it as quickly and easily has Harry. There were some organizational problems. Needless to say, it took a few minutes before things got underway.

Each arena had 5 rounds. That's how many it took to go from 25 to 1. For Harry, these matches were pretty uneventful. He tore through the preliminaries like VD through a Paris Hilton party. (Even though at this point in time, Paris Hilton is barely a teenager, if that, but still, you know what I mean)

In the end, there were of course 8 fighters left. They were gathered up, and told they had some time to relax in a special lounge. There would be food provided if they were hungry. This made Harry happy, he took them up on it.

Harry sat in the back of the lounge at the table eating. He wasn't oblivious to everyone around him. He watched the others interact.

There were two guys, probably about 14 or 15 years old, who were wearing the red uniform of the Turtle Hermit School of Martial Arts. Harry was familiar with the uniforms. He had seen numerous pictures of people wearing them. The two seemed liked like pretty close friends.

Standing not too far away from them, was a girl wearing a uniform of the Crane Hermit School of Martial Arts. Harry knew these schools were rivals. The girl was probably pretty close in age to the boys. She wasn't really talking to anyone else, but she was glaring at the boys. It was obvious she didn't have a very high opinion of the turtle boys.

Sitting over on the couches were three 'normal' looking boys. Two of them sounded American, and the third was Asian. The Asian spoke English, but not very well. They all seemed to be of a friendly competitive mood.

Lastly, sitting alone in the far corner, was a quiet little Asian girl. Too quiet, in Harry's opinion. He didn't think she ever spoke. She was probably the youngest person here. She couldn't have been older then ten. This spoke volumes to Harry. It meant one of two things, she was either very lucky, or very good. At least, very good by normal standards. Harry knew he didn't have a whole lot to worry about. But it was better to keep his eyes out, then to be surprised. Overconfidence can lead to disaster.

After about a half hour, the man in the sunglasses entered the room. He was followed by three attendants. Two of which were wheeling in a large white board, and the third was carrying a black box.

"Hey kids. Congratulations to all of you on making it past the preliminaries. Now, when I call your name, you're to come up here and draw a number. This will decide who you fight, and in what order. Ok, first up," he looked down at his clipboard. "Tommy Oliver."

One of the boys sitting on the couch got up. He was dressed in green and black gi. He walked over and pulled a number out of the box.

"Tommy is number 2." The man said. "Ok then. Rocky Douglas."

The other American boy from the couch got up. He didn't look out of place if he were in an American high school. No real martial arts uniform for him. He drew his number.

"Rocky is number 8. Leo Wolfe." The announcer said.

One of the boys from the turtle school walked over. He looked the more focused of the pair. The other boy, seemed 'cool'.

"Leo is number 1. That means Leo and Tommy will be fighting first. Wonderful. Kim Arim."

The girl from the Crane school walked up and drew a number. She glared at Leo as she walked by him.

"Kim is number 3. Cassandra Cain."

The quiet Asian girl got up from the corner and walked over. She drew her number.

"Cassandra is number 5. Harry Potter."

Harry got up from his food. He wasn't full, but not hungry either. Done with his meal either way, he was. He walked over and pulled a number.

"Harry is number 7. Isac Blaze."

The other student of the Turtle school walked over. Harry thought it was kind of funny that the boy would have a similar last name that his friend had as a first. Isac walked over and pulled his number.

"Isac is number 4. Last, but not least, Ranma Saotome."

The Asian boy who had been sitting on the couch walked over.

"Not too hard to guess that your number is going to be 6." Said the announcer. Sure enough, the last number was 6. "Ok then. We have our line up. In the first match, Leo and Tommy shall face each other. Second round its Kim and Isac. The third round is Cassandra and Ranma. And in the last round, we have Harry and Rocky. We'll be starting soon in the main arena. You'll be lead to it in a few minutes. Good luck fighters, I will see you in the ring." The announcer took his leave.

Each of the fighters sized up who they were facing. Kim looked a little happy that she would be facing Isac. Isac also looked happy. Not cause he was facing a rival fighter, but because he was facing a girl. He tried to be a ladies man. He thought that all girls loved him, so in his mind, this match was going to be no problem. She would just throw the match, and try and make him happy so he would go out with her.

Ranma had a determined look on his face. Cassandra looked impassive. She was studying the boy she was to fight. She was studying all the fighters in the room. As it stood, she didn't feel threatened by any of them. She believed she could take any of them out. It was a shame she was not allowed to kill any of them.

Leo and Tommy just nodded to each other. Harry and Rocky shared a grin. Everyone in the room thought they were going to have an easy time in the first round. A couple would. But most would not.

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"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the World Martial Arts Tournament. The finals for the junior division are about to begin. In the first match up, we have Leo and Tommy fighting. Give these boys a big round of applause." The announcer said into his microphone.

Leo and Tommy both made their way out to the giant arena. The took their places and bowed to each other.

"You both know the rules. Begin."

Both boys dropped into their stances. Tommy leapt to attack. He sent kicks and punches at Leo. Leo was able to block everyone with amazing speed. Tommy was a decent martial artist in his own right, but in this fight, he was way out of his league.

After a couple minutes of only blocking, Tommy was starting to get a little tired. Leo wasn't even close to winded. As Tommy started to slow up on his attacks, Leo decided to go on the offence. One kick to Tommy's gut completely winded him and he dropped to the ground. As he got up, Leo stuck him in the back of the head, knocking him out. Both strikes were fast, very fast.

Tommy dropped to the ground out cold. The announcer counted to 10, and Leo was declared the winner. He exited the arena with a calm and determined demeanor.

"What a fight. Next up, we have two fighters from rival schools. Kim comes from the Crane school and Isac from the turtle school. This should make for an interesting fight."

Kim and Isac both made their way out to the arena. Kim had a scowl on her face. Isac had a goofy grin. They took their places in the arena.

"Hey there cutie. How about afterwards, we go out on a date. Just the two of us?" Isac asked Kim. He flashed her his best pimp smile. Kim didn't go for it. She was determined, and found Isac to be too full of himself.

"Sorry, I don't date guys weaker then me. Especially weaklings from the turtle school." She replied.

"Begin!" the announcer shouted.

"Weak? I'll show you weak." Isac phased out of view of normal sight. He appeared right next to Kim. But instead of a successful attack, he was met with an elbow to his face. As soon as she struck, Kim grabbed Isac by his arm and flung him across the arena. He landed on his ass.

"Ow." He said. "How'd you do that? Must have been girl's luck. Oh well, time to get serious." Kim sent him an unnoticed glare. This guy was really full of himself. Sure, he had a little talent, but that was no excuse. Kim decided she needed to humiliate this guy. Normally, she wouldn't be so vindictive, but on occasion her feminazi side came out.

Isac charged Kim. As he reached her, she ducked down and slammed her fist into his crotch. He let out a very girlish scream. He bent over in pain. When he was bent over, Kim brought her knee up into his face, knocking him down. He was in pain. A lot of pain. She hit very hard. Harder then Leo when they fought. Isac then remembered that Leo won his fight, so it would be that much worse if he lost. He wouldn't lose, not to a girl.

Ignoring the pain, Isac leapt up and went on the offense. He sent strikes at her faster then most in the crowd could see. Isac wasn't as strong as his friend Leo, but he was faster. He figured he could use his great speed to his advantage. Unfortunately for him, Kim was able to keep up with him and blocked all his strikes.

Kim started to throw some of her own strikes. Hers were faster then Isac's, and he had a hard time keeping up with her. Some of hers made it through, and they hurt. But Isac ignored the pain. He had to.

Isac was starting to breath heavily, much more so then his opponent.

"_Time to bring out my secret weapon. I hoped I wouldn't have to use this so early on. It would have been cool to win with it as a surprise in the last match." _Isac thought to himself. He leapt back from Kim. He brought his arms together in a familiar posture.

"Ka. Me. Ha. Me. HA!" he said, releasing the blue wave from his hands. It went directly for his opponent. Isac grinned to himself as it got closer.

Instead of moving out of the way of the incoming energy wave, Kim just swatted it aside. She was much stronger then that.

Isac stared open mouthed at the shrug off of his secret weapon.

"Shit." He said to himself.

"Try mine." Kim said. She broughr one hand up and pointed it at Isac. "Dodon Pa!" she yelled. A yellow beam left her finger and hit Isac right in the shoulder. It went through. He yelled out in pain.

Before he could do anything, Kim charged him and kicked him out of the ring. He landed hard on the ground.

"We have a winner. But I think your opponent is going to need some medical attention." The crowd went crazy as Isac was lead away in a stretcher. None of them were expecting a match that good. Neither attack had been seen at a tournament in a very long time.

"Wow, what a match. I think we were lucky to see that one. Hopefully the next one will be just as exciting. Our next fighters are Cassandra and Ranma."

Cassandra and Ranma both came out of the building, and made their way to the arena. Ranma looked slightly nervous. He had never fought in front of a crowd before. Cassandra on the other hand was completely calm. The took their places in the arena.

"Begin."

Ranma leapt at Cassandra and attempted to kick her. She blocked his kick, and faster then he could react to, she completed two nerve strikes. She was fast, not as fast as the two fighters in the previous fight had been, but fast enough so that Ranma couldn't do anything.

He fell to the ground paralyzed. She had struck the right points, completely immobilizing him. The announcer counted to 10, and declared Cassandra the winner. She then bent down and pinched Ranma, releasing him of his paralysis. He got up and glared at her as she calmly walked back to the waiting area.

"Stupid girl." He said as he exited.

"That was quick. But exciting." The announcer said. "Ok, time for the last match of the quarter finals. Harry versus Rocky."

Harry and Rocky both walked out calm and collected. Harry because he honestly didn't have anything to worry about. Rocky had been trained by his grandfather with his two younger brothers and one thing he learned, was not to get nervous.

The two boys made it to the middle of the ring. They bowed to each other.

"Begin!" said the announcer.

Rocky and Harry just studied each other for a moment. Rocky was trying to figure out the best way to attack. He hadn't seen Harry fight during the preliminaries, so he had no idea what kind of fighter Harry was. He studied his opponent closely.

Harry on the other hand, was just waiting for Rocky to attack. He knew that the boy may be an all right fighter by normal standards, but he was no where near Harry. This was the most one sided fight to take place in the finals as of yet. Harry had considered blindfolding himself for the fight, but thought that would just be spiteful to beat the other kid like that.

Rocky slowly advanced on Harry, keeping his guard up. When he got within striking range, he threw out a couple of attacks. Harry effortlessly blocked them.

"I hope you don't mind if I end this quick." Said Harry. Rocky braced himself for an attack.

Faster then he could see, Harry's hand shot out and snatched Rocky by his shirt. Rocky tried to slip out of his grasp, but was unable to. Harry then drug him to the edge of the arena and tossed him to the ground.

"Ring out." The announcer said. Rocky looked up at Harry with an expression that clearly said 'what the fuck?'

"I think we're ready to start the semi finals now. Please welcome back out Leo and Kim. This should make for an interesting match. As just a little while ago, Kim put Leo's friend Isac in the hospital. I wonder if this will be a grudge match?"

Kim and Leo both made their way out to the ring. Neither one looking very happy with the other. Kim just despided Leo out of principal. Leo had revenge on his mind. Isac was seriously hurt because of this girl.

The announcer had barely told them to begin when they were at it. They flew at each other. Their attacks were fast and hard. The audience was in awe. They could barely see all the punches and kicks.

The two fighters exchanged blows for a good five minutes, neither one giving way. Kim struck more often, but Leo was a tough guy. They both knew that Kim was faster and stronger then Leo. But not by a whole lot.

Leo leapt back from the melee. He sized up his opponent. He had to go about this a little differently. He decided he would try an old trick, the after image. Leo left his image in front of Kim. He appeared behind her and successfully punched her in the back of the head. Kim flew forward and landed on her hands and knees. She slammed her fist on the ground and got back up.

"Nice trick. Won't work again."

"You sure about that?" Leo disappeared again. Kim turned around and struck him, but found it only to be another after image. She was kicked in the back of the knee and brought down. Leo then punched her in the head. She fell to the ground.

"Dammit!" She cursed. She leapt to her feet. "You're not the only one with a trick or two up their sleeve."

"Bring it on." Leo said.

Kim brought her hands together in front of her. She concentrated for a minute. A bright red light started eminated from the space between her hands. She then threw out her hands. Dozens of small red balls surrounded Leo.

"Touch one, and they all explode." This stopped Leo in his tracks. He was surrounded by them. He could hardly move. The small energy balls just hung in the air. He looked all around, trying to find a way out. He noticed that there weren't any above him. He jumped in the air, Kim followed him.

They both rose over a hundred feet into the air. Kim moved into attack him. They traded blows for a minute. Kim took the advantage and swung both her hands together and connected with Leo's head. The blow sent him flying down. He landed right in the small nest of energy balls. They exploded on impact. The explosion didn't kill him, but hurt like a son of a bitch. The explosion also sent Leo flying towards the edge of the ring, face first.

Thinking quick, Leo performed his own Kamehameha, using its momentum to stop him. Luckily for him, he was able to stop right on the edge of the arena. Unluckily for him, he didn't see Kim descend upon him, striking him a blow that would push him over the edge.

Leo landed outside the ring, and Kim was declared the winner.

"Kim goes onto the final match of the junior division."

Kim looked down at Leo and smirked. "History is just repeated itself turtle boy." Leo looked up at her and smirked himself.

"Well, then if that's the case, that just means next tournament I'm going to beat you like a drum." Kim gave him a slightly confused look. "I know my history well. You should too. Especially if you try using it as an insult." Leo picked himself up and hobbled back to the waiting area. The explosion had hurt like hell. Kim followed not to far behind.

"Wasn't that exciting folks? Now, lets move onto the last match of the semi finals. Cassandra versus Harry." The announcer said.

Cassandra and Harry both made their way out to the arena. They took their positions, and instead of bowing their whole bodies, they each just bowed their heads slightly.

"Begin!" the announcer yelled.

Cassandra had watched Harry's last match. She knew that he was strong. How strong, she didn't know. Unlike 99.9 of the people she had ever seen, Harry was difficult to read. She was very good at reading body language, but this boy was…odd. That was the only way to describe it. At times, he seemed like a complete fool. The way he ate all that food before the finals. The goofy grin he liked to wear. And yet, at other times, he held himself like a great warrior. His other match only told her he was strong, not what he could really do. She needed him to make the first move, so she could react to him. She assumed she was the faster of the two. He seemed quick, but Cassandra had been trained since she was a small child in the art of combat.

Harry himself sized up his opponent. They were easily the two youngest of the final 8. Everyone else seemed to be closer to 15 or 16. Harry was a week shy of 12, and he knew the girl in front of him could not have been older then 10. She may have been the youngest, but Harry saw something in her. She was a killer. The other kids fought because they wanted to. She looked like she did because she had to. Harry wasn't as good at reading body language as some, but he was able to look into a person very well. It was something he had picked up from Mr. Popo. The black genie was a master at reading a person's soul. He had to be good at it in his line of work.

"Shall we dance my lady?" Harry said with a grin. Cassandra only raised an eyebrow. "Ah, the quiet silent type. I can respect that. I've been told I don't know how to keep my mouth shut. Well, actually, I've only been told that at the dinner table." Harry was trying to lull Cassandra into a sense that he was an idiot, and that she should attack. He knew he'd be able to beat her. But he preferred if she made the first move.

Cassandra on the other hand wanted Harry to make the first move because she was unsure of her opponent. This was something she wasn't vert familiar with. If she wasn't fighting one of her parents, she almost always won. But there was something about this boy that just made her feel uneasy.

She decided she would try one of the hardest techniques she had been taught. It was called the 'hundred strikes of death'.

Cassandra moved in close to Harry. She winked at him, hoping to catch him slightly off guard. She then attacked. In under 5 seconds she had struck Harry one hundred times. Each strike aimed at a vital area, and with a speed and force that was deadly.

It was beyond belief that Harry had blocked each and every one of her strikes. Her mouth dropped open. No one was that fast. And he didn't even break a sweat doing it.

"You'll catch flies if you leave your mouth hanging open like that." Harry said.

Cassandra re evaluated her opponent. She knew he was strong. Now she knew he was ungodly fast. She needed to try one more thing.

She sprang into an all out attack. Punches and kicks were sent at him with deadly procession. He blocked or evaded each one. She wasn't able to land a single strike on him.

Sweat was starting to form on Cassandra's head. She came to a final conclusion. She could not beat this boy in a fair fight. She would do the honorable thing. She walked over to the edge of the arena and hopped off. She walked off towards the waiting area before anyone could say anything. Her father would probably be mad at her for losing. But if he had seen the fight, he would understand. Either way, the small girl would be punished for losing. He father had trained her to be the best. This boy, this Harry Potter had proved to be her better in just that short exchange. And he had not even worked himself up. She was afraid of what the boy was truly capable of.

"Um….ok. It appears that Cassandra has forfeited the match. Harry is the winner. Do you need a break before we start the finals?" Harry shook his head. "Ok then. We'll start as soon as Kim comes back here." It only took a moment for the Crane student to re enter the arena.

Kim had a different attitude then before. She didn't seem to be upset. She even had a smile to your face.

"Nice to see you smile. Something happen back there that I don't know about?" Harry asked.

"Oh, no. Nothing like that. I'm just happy I beat both of those turtle boys. I came here for two reasons. One, to win the tournament. Which I intend to do momentarily. And two, to beat the opposing school. As I took out both students, that makes me feal a bit happy."

"That's understandable. But I hate to disappoint you, but you aren't going to win today. Sorry." Harry said with a dopey grin on his face. Kim narrowed her eyes at him.

"I will win."

"Sure you will. And monkeys will fly out of my butt and do a little dance." Kim was starting to get a little upset. But she took a second, and calmed herself down. She had beaten her only real competition here. Everyone knew that the two most powerful schools in martial arts were the Crane school and the Turtle school.

"You two ready?" the announcer asked. The both nodded. "OK then. Begin!"

Harry and Kim locked eyes. This was it, the final match. They both wanted to win. Only one of them was going to. It was probably safe to say that the two of them were the strongest people under 18 in the world. At least, for the time being. One or two people weren't that far behind Kim.

Harry decided not to put his full strength into it right away. Make her think she has some sort of chance. He charged her and delivered a kick to her side. She blocked it. It felt like it was about to shatter the bone in her arm. She had only ever been hit that hard by her Master. And even then, it wasn't that often.

With him so close, she couldn't resist the chance to strike at him. She sent a number of punches in his direction. Each one faster then the normal eye could see. Even though her arm hurt, she was still incredibly fast. She was hoping her great speed would come in handy.

Like his last opponent, this one was slightly stunned when he blocked all her strikes.

"Ok, you're fast and strong, I'll give you that. It just means I'll have to use some special techniques." She said to him.

"Sounds like fun." He replied.

"I think it would be ironic if I used that turtle boy's move to win this." Kim brought her arms together at her side. "Ka. Me. Ha. Me. Ha!" she released her own Kamehameha wave at Harry. This one was much stronger then the one that Isac had shot at her. She simply had a lot more chi then him.

What was funny, was this wave, like the last one used in a match involving Kim, was had the same result. Harry just swatted it away like it was nothing.

"That's just spiteful right there. I'll give you points for the thought though." Harry said. "Now, what if I were to use one of your moves?" Harry brought his hand up, and pointed it toward Kim. "Dodon Pa!" he yelled. Instead of a yellow beam, a green beam came from his finger, and hit the ground in front of Kim.

"You missed." She said.

"Of course I missed. I didn't want to hit you with your own technique. How orginal would that be? I just wanted to try it."

"Well, it didn't work. Yours came out all funny looking."

"My dear, all my attacks come out green. Weirdest thing, but oh well." Harry then phased out of sight, and appeared behind Kim. Before she could react, he licked his finger and stuck it in her ear. "Wet willy!"

One thing that will almost always piss off a female is a wet willy. The only thing that would have been worse, is if he used something other then his finger. But luckily, he was only 11 and in public. That idea wouldn't have popped into his head.

And pissed off Kim was. She turned and tried to attack Harry, but he leapt back before she could do anything.

"Get back here!" she yelled.

"Aw, is someone mad at me? Do you need a hug?"

"No, what I need is to punch you in your face."

"Ok." Harry walked right up to a stunned Kim.

"What?"

"Punch me right in the face. Go ahead. If it'll make you feel better." Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Kim punched Harry as hard as she could in the face. Now, being trained by Tien, Kim realistically was in the top 100 for strongest people in the world. Her punch could break through steel. Unfortunately for her, Harry was in the top 10. And her punch hardly phased him.

"The hell?" she asked when nothing happened to him.

"My turn." Harry said. But instead of punching her, Harry leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.

This turned Kim's amazement into anger. She leapt after him, trying to strike him. He kept leaping back away from her. She chased him all the way over the edge of the arena. However, Harry remained level, and floated in the air. As did Kim. Harry stopped, looked at Kim, then pointed to the ground. She looked down.

"What?" she asked.

"Darn, I was hoping it'd be like one of those old cartoons, where once you realized you were in midair, you'd fall."

"Sorry to disappoint, but I know how to float. So there." Kim stuck her tongue out at Harry. Harry did a little princess clap for her.

"You know how to fly yet?"

"Almost."

"Pity." Said Harry as he rose into the air. He flew up over her, and landed in the middle of the arena. Kim made her way back onto the ring, and charged Harry. She put everything she had into her attacks, but they just weren't doing anything.

"We probably should get this over with soon, don't you think? We have drug it on for a bit already." Harry said.

"Sure, just take a long walk off the edge, and this time, don't float." Replied the female Crane student.

"Nope, sorry. I think its just time for me to win this one. I think I'll try our a new technique" Harry formed two energy balls. One in each hand. He threw the first one at Kim. She dodged out of the way. He threw the second one. She leapt out of the way.

As she leapt away from the second energy ball, she was caught in mid air by something. As she had jumped, Harry had phased over to her, and grabbed her by the arm. He flung her towards the nearest edge of the ring. Kim sailed through the air. She was able to stop herself in mid air, just barely.

Harry appeared behind her again, but this time, he didn't punch, kick or throw her. His hand was glowing, and he ran it down Kim's back. Kim felt something she had never felt before. A weird, yet pleasurable sensation exploded in her private area. The shock of the experience broke her concentration, and she fell to the ground. Unable to move.

Harry had won.

The crowd went nuts. This had been a great match. Most of them really hadn't been expecting much out of the junior division, but those that had shown u p early for it, were very glad they did.

"Ladys and Gentlemen, may I present the Junior World Martial Arts Champion, Harry Potter." The crowd continued to clap and cheer.

Harry hopped off the arena and walked over to Kim. He extended his hand, offering to help her up. She reluctantly accepted.

"Good match." He told her.

"What the hell was that?" she yelled at him.

"That was a new technique I came up with. It's meant to incapacitate someone without harming them." Harry said, that goofy grin back on his face. "Hey, I'm hungry. Want to go see if there's any food to eat?"

"Didn't you eat like an hour and a half ago or so?"

"Your point?"

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The next day, the adult division held its finals. Most agreed that overall, the junior division was much more exciting to watch. Sure, the adult division had more fights, there being 16 finalists and all. But they all seemed so….normal. The final match was between Johnny Cage, and Ken Masters. Ken came out victorious.

During the adult matches, Kim had been sitting with her master, watching.

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to win yesterday master." Kim had said. Not a lot of words had been exchanged between the two in the past 24 hours. Kim felt deeply embarrassed by her defeat, especially with how she had been defeated. Kim was only 15 years old. Sure, most girls her age had probably experienced at some point what happened to her. But yesterday had been her first orgasm. Not only had it happened in front of a large crowd, but it had cost her the championship. She was just lucky no one realized what happened to her.

Tien only knew after she had explained what happened. She didn't know at first that she had an orgasm. She explained what happened, which caused her Master to blush. He almost never blushed. Only in regards to 'female things' did he ever blush. He told her what happened, then went to his room for the rest of the night. The didn't speak till the next day during the adult matches.

"I wasn't' expecting you to win." Tien said.

"You weren't?"

"I knew Harry was going to win. I'll admit I didn't see how he did coming. That was new."

"How did you know Harry was going to win?"

"You remember all the stories I've told you about Goku? And the other protectors of the planet?" Kim had almost been raised on tales of great battles and magical adventures.

"Yes."

"Well, Harry is part Saiyan. Not only that, he is related to both Goku and Vegeta. He was raised mostly by Vegeta." Kim's mouth dropped. "From what I saw yesterday, he didn't display any of his power. He played with you, like you would a normal person. Actually, you're probably closer to a normal person then Harry is to you." Kim pondered her Master's words.

"I guess that just means I'll have to train really hard to defeat him next time." This caused Tien to start laughing.

"You don't see, do you?"

"See what master?"

"You'll never reach his level. If my guess is correct, Harry is already stronger then any human can ever become. I'm honest enough with myself to admit that the boy could beat me. If he takes after Vegeta enough, he could probably easily take care of me. I don't tell you this to hurt your feelings. I'm being honest. Harry will always be stronger then you."

This was shocking news to Kim. She had spent her whole life striving to be the strongest. That's what the Crane school was all about. Being the best. If she hadn't known the history of the Saiyans, she would think her Master crazy.

"Well, if I can't beat him. I'll just have to do the next best thing."

"And what's that?"

"Make him mine."

"_Uh, oh." _Tien thought to himself.

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It was in the evening after the adult division finished, that the special exhibition match was to take place. Normally, this was considered a PR ploy. But everyone knew that wasn't the case this year. A lot of people who had watched the junior division thought that Harry had a good chance of defeated the new champion. A lot of bets were even placed on this match.

"Ladies and gentlemen. Now is the time for the special exhibition match between our two champions. Because of his young age, it will be a treat for Harry in the next tournament. He will be allowed to fight in the adult division, regardless of the fact that he won't be 18 then. If he can win this exhibition match, he will automatically placed in the final 16 along with our World Champion Ken Masters. That's something worth fighting for in my opinion." The announcer said. "Please give a round of applause for our two champions, Ken Masters and Harry Potter."

Two figures exited the waiting area. The larger one wearing a red fighting gi. The smaller one wearing his black fighting clothes. The two of them entered the arena. The bowed to each other and took their respective stances.

"Begin!"

Being the older, more seasoned fighter, Ken figured he would let the kid get in the first hit. Boy, was that not the right thing to do. Harry flew at Ken faster then he could see. He kicked Ken in the head with a great force. Ken dropped to the ground out cold. He didn't even have time to try and block the kick.

Harry stood over the unconscious body of the World Champ.

"I guess that means I'll see you in 5 years." Harry told the announcer. He then walked off into the sunset.

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Shortly after Harry and Dende got back from Australia, a group of adults gathered to discuss his future. Unlike certain meddling old goat fuckers, these people actually had Harry's best interest at heart. Vegeta, Dende, Baba, Gohan, Pan, Trunks and Uub gathered at Pan and Trunsk home.

"Ok, we all know that Hogwarts really isn't the safest place for Harry." Said Dende.

"Safe? If anyone messes with the kid, he has my permission to blast them into the next dimension." Said Vegeta.

"I don't think he meant physical harm Vegeta. We know what kind of man Albus Dumbledore is, and what he is cabable of. We can blame him for none of us getting to know Goten and Bra's daughter." Gohan said. This shut up the Prince of all Saiyans.

"Then what do you sugest we do boy?" Vegeta growled at Gohan. It was kind of funny that Vegeta still called Gohan boy. Gohan had more gray hairs then Vegeta.

"Actually, I have an idea." Said Dende.

"Oh?" said Baba. "This one legal?"

"Actually, this one requires use of the law to help us." This raised a lot of eyebrows. Dende really wasn't known for being one to follow rules. He used them as guidelines more often.

Dende pulled out a book and tossed it to Gohan. Gohan opened it to where there was a book mark. He read the page, looked up and shared an evil smirk with Dende.

"This will be interesting." Said Gohan.

The book in question: "Waltzing with Werewolves" by Gilderoy Lockhart.

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**A/N: Holy fucking ass crackers, was that a hard chapter to write. If you've noticed from my writing style, I'm much more comfortable with dialogue. This was an extremely action heavy chapter. Not only that, but its twice as long as my longest chapter to date. **

**Ok, so I obviously chose who Dende is going to look like. Your votes counted. And I picked the best man. If you don't know who I'm talking about, its tied in with the challenge I made at the beginning of this chapter. Name all the crossovers. Oh, and so no one goes crazy, the three students from the Crane and Turtle schools are all OCs (even though one is a nod to TMNT, that doesn't count as a crossover)**

**Time to address things people have said in their reviews (this is always fun)**

**The-Resident – **yeah, you got it about right. And in case you were wondering, I have what happens to everyone planned out ((laughs evily))

**RexMeino – **sorry, decision got made. And Mr. Jeremy didn't make the cut. Funny thing though, I know someone who's met him before.

**SilverLight **– there is still hell to pay on that one. Just wait and see

**New Dye – **I'm not going to give away what happens. However, I will say this. I'm a believer in causality. Anything that happened in cannon, that Harry had no way of affecting, will probably happen in here. And I only say probably, because there are some things that I thought were either stupid, or done poorly, and Dende may step in (just shows you what a lazy ass writer I am) For example, I still plan on having Sirius escape during Harry's third year (if anyone thinks that's a major spoiler, they need to be smacked upside the head) However, as things become more AU, the less things will be recognizable. And they'll become more AU, because this Harry will act and react differently then cannon harry.

**Potterfanforever – **I'm sorry to inform you that sailor moon will not be something this will crossover with. Its not because I hate sailor moon or anything, but simply, I've never watched it, never read it, and know nothing about it. I'm only going to crossover with things I know enough about that it I can make it make some sense. Sorry.

**I know there are plenty of people who wanted to see Dumbledore's reaction to what Harry did at the end of the last chapter. But you'll just have to wait a little longer. The next chapter will have us back in the wizarding world. I promise. Also, in case anyone is wondering, I really hate Lockhart. That should give you some idea where the next chapter will go.**

**I think I've rambled on long enough tonight. Let me know what you think. Hope you enjoyed the fights (they were a bitch to write)**

**Till I update again (which will hopefully be soon, the next chapter is going to be fun)**


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N: Two updates in one day, whoo hoo! I am the man.**

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The Weasley temper was legendary. And when Molly Weasley got upset, things got ugly. And for once, that anger was not directed at Fred and George. It was directed at their younger brother Ron.

Ron was having the summer from hell. He had only wanted to relax and fly on his broom. No chores, no homework, none of that. The summer started out ok, he had to do some chores, but it wasn't that bad.

Then the letter from Hogwarts came.

It turned out Ron had flunked all of his classes. He got troll on just about everyone of his finals. All of the professors had signed the paper saying that he needed to repeat his first year. Ron wasn't very happy to find this out.

Molly was a bit more then unhappy, she went on a bloody rampage. Ron was constantly doing either chores or homework. She ran him ragged. And she kept saying how disappointed she was in Ron. She always thought he was a good kid. She didn't think any of her children would disappoint her more then the twins. (the twins would have gotten upset at this, but they were happy staying off her radar, and didn't want to do anything to change that)

Ron's situation wasn't helped by his younger sister teasing him that they were going to be in all the same classes together. Ginny thought it was so funny that Ron was being held back. When he had gotten home, he acted like he was hot shit in a champagne glass. Acting the hot shot since he had just finished his first year at Hogwarts, and he now knew magic. Turned out he was cold diarrhea in a Dixie cup.

Ron's letter came towards the beginning of the summer. Later on in the summer all the kids received their normal Hogwarts letters. Mrs. Weasley didn't find Fred's joke about Ron and Ginny being able to share their books funny. At least not on the outside, on the inside, she thought it was a silver lining to the shit cloud that was Ron being held back.

The day after they got their letters, Fred and George received a letter from Harry asking them when they were going to be going to Diagon Alley. He told them he was in staying in London till they left for school. They responded back right away, and plans were made to meet up.

It had caused a bit of a scene when Harry's letter came. He had gotten himself something to deliver letters finally. But it wasn't an owl. He had a small, Chinese looking dragon delivering letters for him. Scarred the shit out of Ron, who had been doing dishes, when it came flying into the Burrow. Molly wasn't happy at the dish Ron had dropped.

A couple days later saw the whole Weasley clan gather and floo to Diagon Ally.

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Hermione Granger had been enjoying her summer vacation. And by enjoying her summer vacation, I mean she was constantly reading and doing homework. Her parents had considered it a small victory when they got her on the beach. She still had her nose stuck in a book, but she was on the beach none the less.

Like the twins Weasley, Hermione had also received a letter from Harry. He told her he was staying in London, and asked if she wanted to go to Diagon Ally with him and his family. The offer to go was inticing, but what really got her attention was that Harry said his family was going.

She wrote back right away saying she would go. She then went on to ask him about his summer, had he been doing his homework? How was the tournament? Where did he get the dragon? Did he make any movies in L.A? The standard Hermione questions.

Hermione asked her parents if she could go to the Ally with Harry and his family. Her parents had been planning on taking her, but had felt a little odd about it. They agreed to letting her go, as long as they got to meet the adults who were supervising this visit.

In the morning of the day in question brought a knock to the Granger's door. Hermione rushed to the door and opened it. On the other side was Harry and a couple of adults. She invited them in.

"Its good to see you Hermione. I see you've grown some since I last saw you." Said Harry. Hermione blushed slightly.

"I did get a little taller." She replied.

"That's not what I was talking about." Harry winked at Hermione as her parents entered the room.

"Mom, Dad, this is my friend Harry." Hermione introduced Harry.

"Its good to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Granger. This is my family. The dork standing over there is my great uncle Gohan." Gohan waved hello. "The beautiful and quiet blonde in the corner is 18. She's a friend of the family. But acts like the big sister I never had, or wanted." 18 glared at Harry, but said hello none the less. "And this ray of sunshine is my cousin Videl." Harry said, indicated the other female in the room.

"It's a pleasure to meet you all. Thank you for offering to take our daughter with you today." Said Mr. Granger.

"Its no problem really. Keeping an eye on Harry alone is a handful. If we can get another set of eyes to help us out, great." Said Gohan. Most of the people in the room laughed at this.

"Come on gramps, we should get going." Videl said to Gohan. Harry snickered as they all turned to leave.

"You call him gramps?" Hermione asked Videl.

"Sure. He is my grandfather after all."

"He doesn't look old enough to be your grandfather."

"He's aged well."

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Harry, Hermione and their minders met the Weasleys outside of Flourish and Blotts. Actually, it was Harry, Hermione, 18 and Videl. Gohan left them to go take care of something. What, Harry wasn't sure of. Harry shock hands with the twins.

"Gred, Forge, how spiffy to see you two in such fine health." Harry said. This got a giggle from the youngest Weasley. "And who do we have here?" he asked.

"This Harry…"

"…is our younger sister Ginny."

"She doesn't bite, does she?" Harry asked.

"No, I don't bite." Ginny said.

"Pity." Was Harry's reply. Ginny blushed. It was a known fact in the family that Ginny had a crush on The Boy Who Lived, even though she had never met him. She had hounded Fred and George all summer to tell her about him. She didn't believe half their stories. No way could her crush be such a prankster.

"Harry old chap…"

"…How has your summer been going"

"No complaints."

"Did you win…"

"…that tournament thing you…

"…were talking about?"

"Of course. Like there was any doubt."

"Where's your…"

"…boy Blaise?"

"He couldn't make it. He said he parents were trying to fix him up with his third cousin or something. Poor bastard." The twins just cringed at the though.

The large group headed inside the bookstore. There was a long line for the appearance of Gilderoy Lockhart. It was obvious Molly Weasley was excited. She was practically jumping up and down. Hermione and Ginny were both excited as well. Not as much though.

As they were standing in line, a familiar blonde walked up to them.

"If it isn't Famous Harry Potter."

"Hello Draco. Fancing seeing you here. Having a good summer?"

"What's it to you scar head?" Draco said with a sneer. A taller version of Draco stepped up behind him.

"Draco. Manners." Said Lucius Malfoy said. "Mr. Potter, a pleasure to meet you. I am Lucius Malfoy." Malfoy senior extended his hand. Harry shock it.

"Mr. Malfoy. I've heard so much about you. Its an honor to meet you." Harry let go of his hand. "It's a shame, don't you think?" Lucius was a little confused.

"What's a shame?"

"That dear Draco here is going to be the last of the Malfoy line." Said Harry.

"Is that a threat Potter?" asked Lucius.

"Oh, heavens no. I was just commenting on the fact that Draco fancies the fellas. And won't be able to sire an heir." This got everyone's attention in the nearby area. Draco and Lucius were both turning red.

"WHAT!" Lucius practically yelled.

"Wait, I forgot all about artificial insemination. My mistake. I do apologize for my oversight Mr. Malfoy. I do hope you can forgive me?" Harry kept a very straight face. He was the poster child of innocence. Fred and George, however, were rolling on the ground laughing their asses off.

Lucius huffed in outrage. "Come Draco. We need not associate ourselves with these….people." and with that, the two blondes left the bookstore. As soon as they left, Hermione turned to Harry.

"Is Draco really gay?" she asked. Harry shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know. But in all honesty, it wouldn't surprise me one bit." At that moment, a pompous wind decided to enter…er, I mean, Lockhart came out from the back. A round of applause followed right away.

"Thank you, thank you." Said Lockhart. He looked out on the crowd. "Can that be? Harry Potter?" Harry turned his head and looked the other way.

"Where?" asked Harry. A couple of people laughed at Harry's reaction. Lockhard ran out from behind his signing desk and grabbed a hold of Harry.

"Hey, let go. Or I scream rape." This response startled Lockhart. He let go of Harry. No one had ever screamed rape on him before. Mostly cause they didn't remember it afterwards.

"Come Harry. The two of us will make the front page." Lockhart stood close to Harry as a flash went off.

Gohan entered the bookstore with two wizards in tow. One of the wizards walked up to Lockhart.

"Gilderoy Lockhart?" the wizard asked.

"Surely you're joking? Of course I'm Gilderoy Lockhart."

"Please come with us. You're under arrest." This caused many gasps in the room.

"This must be a mistake. Whatever are the charges?" asked a nervous Lockhart.

"Murder." Said Gohan.

"I haven't murdered anyone." Lockhart said. Sweat was starting to pour from his head. This was not how he had planned for the day to go.

"According to your own book, you have. Its not very smart to publish a confesion." Said Gohan.

"What are you talking about? I have never murdered anyone." Lockhard practically screamed. Gohan pulled out a book and tossed it to Lockhart. It was a copy of his own "Waltzing with Werewolves"

"In your book, you confess to killing a werewolf in Tibet. The details you wrote match an unsolved murder case from the same time period."

"That's ridiculous. Killing a werewolf is not murder."

"Perhaps not in Britain, where the laws are a little more barbaric. But it is a capital offense to kill a werewolf in Tibet. They are protected by law there. Tibet is a safe haven for werewolves. The man in question who was killed, was killed inside a reserve, a place where they can change every month and not be a threat to anyone. It's an even higher offense to kill one there. As an official for the Asian Ministry of Martial and Mystical Arts, I'm here to see you extradited." Gohan explained. Lockhart's eyes went wide. He knew he was in deep shit. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one hand, he was in trouble for murder. On the other, he could be exposed for being the fraud that he was. Neither was acceptable for him. His best bet was to try and worm his way out of the charges.

The Aurors escorted him out of Florish and Blotts to a silenced crowd. There were a lot of shocked people. Hermione was shocked, but on the other hand, was staring at Harry like he had all the answers.

"What was that all about Harry?" Hermione asked him as they left the bookstore a short while later.

"What ever do you mean?"

"Why did your uncle arrest Gilderoy Lockhart?" every eye in the group was on Harry.

"Come on everyone, lets go somewhere private, and I'll explain it. How about lunch?" the group made their way to the Leaky Cauldron. They got a private room since there were so many of them. Harry offered to buy everyone lunch. It took a few minutes to convince Mrs. Weasley to let him, but he finally did.

After they ordered, Harry decided to address Hermione's question.

"Hermione, have you read any of Lockhart's books?" he asked. She shook her head. "In his books, he claimed to do a lot of things. None of which he ever did. He's a fraud who took credit for a lot of other people's actions. Some how my uncle found out two pieces of information that made him a bit upset. One, Lockhart got the Defense position at Hogwarts this year. All on his so called heroic actions. He's known what a fool and fraud Lockhart is for a while, but Lockhart was never really harming anyone. Teachers kids however, is probably not something the man should be allowed to do. Lockhart made a huge mistake in taking credit for that werewolf in Tibet. The guy he go the story from should be the one who should be arrested, but we honestly don't know who did it. Lockhart took all the credit. Anyway, my uncle, with some help I imagine, came up with this plan. Lockhart is either going to be extradited for murder, or come clean about his books. Either way, he won't be teaching at Hogwarts."

The group was quiet for a few minutes after that. Molly was practically in tears. It was no secret she was a huge Lockhart fan, and to hear such things were a bit world shattering.

As soon as their food arrived, things picked back up. Many conversations were started on a large variety of subjects. Mr. Weasley interigated Videl and 18 about the muggle world. Fred, George, Harry and Hermione discussed the upcoming year. Ron and Ginny both stayed quiet out of embarrassment. Ron because of his school situation, and Ginney because of Harry.

It didn't take long for Harry to notice that Ginny was being quiet. He didn't give two shits about Ron.

"So Ginny, looking forward to starting at Hogwarts?" Harry said to her. She blushed, and nodded her head. "I find it hard to believe that you're the quiet type. Not with brothers like these two." Harry said pointing towards Fred and George.

"You'll have to…."

"….excuse her Harry. You see…"

"…Ginny happens to have a very large…"

"…crush on you."

"Really?" Harry asked. "I know I'm all kinds of sexy, but we just met today. How can you have a crush on me so soon?" Ginny's blush deepened.

"Oh, she's had…"

"…a crush on you…"

"…for ages."

"That's silly. How could she have a crush on someone she's never met?" Harry paused for a second. "Oh, I see. Is it cause I'm famous and all that? You have a crush on my fame." Ginny was finding her soup to be very interesting to look at. "I know how that is. I had a crush on a celebrity too once. I must have sent Bea Arthur a hundred love letters. Bitch never replied to a single one." This caused Hermione to spit her water out and across the table all over Percy.

"Who's…"

"…Bea Arthur?" the twins asked.

"Um…nevermind." Harry said.

After lunch, everyone decided to go their separate ways. Harry and Hermione promised to see the twins and Ginny on the train on the first of September.

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King's Cross was very chaotic on the first of September. Harry and 18 had picked up Hermione. Videl swore she would never take Harry to the train station again as long as she lived.

The three of them met the Weasley clan right outside the barrier to Platform 9 and 3/4.

"Everyone all set?" asked Mrs. Weasley. All the children nodded their heads except for Harry. "Harry, where's your trunk?"

"Where we going again?" he asked. This got a light smack in the back of the head from Hermione. "I have everything with me, so don't worry Mrs. Weasley."

"Behave." She said. Harry gave her his best puppy dog eyes. She just rolled her eyes, and pushed her cart through the barrier. Everyone started going through, one at a time. 18 told Harry she would see him over Christmas and left.

Harry and Ginny were the last two to go through the barrier. There wasn't a lot of time left. Ginny walked her trunk right into a solid wall.

"What the hell?" she said.

"Language Ginny. You are a young lady after all. And such language is unbecoming you." Harry teased her.

"Harry, we can't get through the barrier." Harry walked over to the barrier and examined it.

"Nope, I don't think we're going to get through this today." They heard a loud whistle.

"We missed the train." Ginny cried.

"Don't worry." Harry thought to himself for a second. "I have an idea."

"Uh oh. Any time a boy says they have an idea, nothing good comes of it."

"Oh shush you. Let me see your trunk." Harry pulled out a capsule from his pocket. He pressed the button and a large container appeared.

"Harry, we aren't supposed to magic in public. You're going to get in trouble."

"Its not magic, so no I won't." Harry placed Ginny's things in the container, and pressed another button on it. It reverted back into a capsule. "All ready?" he asked her.

"Um…sure. What's the plan?"

"Follow me." Harry led her outside. "Do you trust me?" Ginny slowly nodded her head.

Quickly Harry scooped Ginny up in his arms and took to the air. Ginny let out a yell.

"Don't worry. I have you."

"You have me? Who has you?" she asked. They flew in the clouds for a few moments. Ginny was nervous, but started to enjoy being in Harry's strong arms. Harry was looking down, trying to find something.

"Ah, there it is." He flew them down towards the Hogwarts express. He landed on the back of the caboose and knocked on the door. An elderly wizard opened it.

"What you two doing back here?" he asked.

"Um…making out?" said Harry. This caused Ginny to blush yet again.

"Well, enough of that. Get in here." The older wizard said.

Harry and Ginny hurried in and looked for a compartment. They found Fred and George in a compartment with their friend Lee. Hermione was also sitting with them. The two of them opened the compartment.

"Miss us?" Harry asked.

"And just where…"

"…have you two been?"

"Sorry guys, your sister and I eloped without telling anyone. Sorry you missed it." Harry said. Ginny's eyes went wide. Fred and George got the joke though.

"Good one…"

"…Harry. But I think…"

"…we're going to have…"

"….to have a private chat…."

"…about you and our sister…"

"…when we get to school."

"What? You guys don't trust me with your sister?"

"No." they answered in unison.

The next hour on the train was pretty uneventful. Blaise found them after a short while and joined them in their compartment.

The peace of course had to be broken by Malfoy.

"Well, if it isn't Potter and his gang of losers." Said Malfoy.

"Oh, Draco. Behave you scamp." Harry said, limping his wrist at Draco and talking in a slightly higher pitch then normal. Draco glared at Harry.

"You better watch your back this year Potter. I know where you sleep."

"Are you making threats or promises Draco? Cause even though we share a dorm, I should probably let you know, I don't swing like that. Unlike you, I happen to keep the company of find ladies." Harry said, indicating Hermione and Ginny. Both of whom blushed at this. Draco opened his mouth to respond, but Harry beat him to it. "Pansy doesn't count. You and I both know that." Harry said with a wink.

Draco left the compartment in a huff. He was getting tired of Potter making him a fool, and having others question his sexuality.

Harry and his friends decided to play the game 'I never' till they got to Hogwarts. Needless to say, the game got a little X rated at times. They all agreed never to repeat what was said during that train ride.

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**A/N: there you are, chapter 10. I hope you enjoyed it. This one was a lot more fun to write then the previous chapter, and easier too.**

**I hope people don't mind if year two has a lot more Draco bashing in it…. I have some fun stuff planned. Ron will still be a target too. **

**Yes, there was a homage to both the Venture Bros. and Superman in this chapter.**

**Some of you were able to identify most of the crossovers in chapter 9. But no body got them all. **

**Tommy Oliver is from Power Rangers.**

**Ranma Saotome is from Ranma ½. (some people complained about Ranma losing, I should mention that this was Ranma before the anime/manga, so he's not as strong.)**

**Quin Mallory is from Sliders. (this is also how I justified having Dende look like Jerry O'Connel)**

**Ken Masters is from Street Fighter.**

**Johnny Cage is from Mortal Combat.**

**Rocky Douglas is from 3 Ninjas. (this is one no one figured out, but I didn't think a lot of people would catch it. Yeah, I'm an evil prick like that)**

**Cassandra Cain is Batgirl (making this in the DCU, but you'll have to wait to see how that's going to work. The word "Elseworlds" is so nice, don't you think?)**

**Kim, Leo and Isac are all OCs, though Leo is a nod to TMNT.**

**Thanks to everyone who tried. **

**And just so we're clear, Lockhart will NOT be teaching Defense this year. "And the villagers rejoice." Yay. His fate will be revealed in the near future. **

**Any guesses on who's going to be teaching Defense? **

**((grins evily))**


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N: I own none of this. (ok, kind of sad I put a disclaimer up on chapter 11. Oh well.)**

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It was the night of the August the 31st. Albus Dumbledore was pacing his office. He was not in a good mood. The summer had been going terrible. First there was the mess with the Philosopher's Stone and his old friend Nicholas. Well, that is ex friend. Then there was finding out that Harry Potter had not gone home with the Dursleys.

Damn the boy. He was supposed to go home with those horrid people and be miserable so that when he came to Hogwarts the next term, he'd be very grateful. And controllable. Somehow he made it past the muggles. They hadn't seen him at the train station. The fat one would probably have had some strong words for Albus if he hadn't been keeping the whole family under his control. Potions and curses could be so useful when the need arose.

And now, to top it all off, his Defense teacher was arrested just days before the term started. There was no way he was going to find a replacement in time. Maybe in a couple weeks he'd be able to.

Albus sighed to himself as he looked out his window. He was going to have to step in and teach the course for the time being. No one would question that decision, he was Albus Dumbledore, Leader of the Light. No one knew more about defending against the dark arts then him.

Someone coughed behind Albus. He whirled around and saw a man sitting in the guest chair in front of his desk. No one had entered his office, he was sure of that.

"Who are you? How did you get in here?" Albus asked, wand raised.

"I'm here to apply for the Defense position. And as to how I got in here, magic." The man chuckled to himself. Albus wasn't ready to lower his wand. The man reached into his robes and pulled out a piece of paper. "My resume." Albus put his wand away, grabbed the paper and took a seat behind his desk. His seat was one of power. He always had control of the room when he sat there.

Albus looked the resume over, as well as the man sitting in front of him.

"You have a very impressive resume. May I ask why a man such as yourself wishes to teach here?" What Albus didn't know was that the resume in question was a complete work of fiction. If he checked into it however, the sources would check out. But this was something the headmaster was unaware of.

"I was in the area, and heard that you were in need of an experienced teacher, so I thought I'd apply."

"Just like that? On a whim? You won't be missed else where?"

"I'll be honest, I have other responsibilities, but they can either be put on hold, or taken care of from afar when need be."

The headmaster was a little weary of the man, but he was in a tight spot. He really needed a Defense teacher. And if even half the things on the resume were true, he was more then qualified.

"Alright, I'm going to go ahead and give you a try. The term starts tomorrow. Are you up to speed on the curriculum?"

"I was thinking first years get an introduction to the dark arts. Second years get an introduction to dueling. Third years get dark creatures. Fourth years are introduced to darker curses and hexes, and how to counter them. Fifth years get a general review for OWLs, plus an advanced look on everything they should have covered. Sixth years get silent casting and more advanced curses and hexes, along with some more dueling. And then seventh years get a hardcore review on top of more dueling and the most advanced curses and hexes along with making sure they can cast everything silently. That about cover it?"

"Yes, that is quite satisfactory. A good number of teachers tend to stick to what they're strong at. We haven't had a single professor stick around for more then one year at a time."

"Ah, yes, the DADA curse Riddle started back in the day. I'm familiar with it." Dumbledore was shocked that this man knew that. Almost no one knew that.

"How did you know Tom Riddle was the cause of the curse?"

"That's what makes me good at what I do Headmaster." The man winked at the elderly wizard. He got up from his chair. "If you'll excuse me, I have some unpacking to do."

"Of course, of course. I'll have a house elf show you your room."

"Thank you Headmaster."  
The man left the office. He left a somewhat happier Dumbledore.

'_That's one less thing to worry about. Now, if only the Potter boy would fall in line. Well, at least things are starting to turn around and look up." _Albus thought to himself.

Oh, how he was so wrong.

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The returning students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry filed into the Great Hall. Harry and Blaise took their places at the Slytherin table. Hermione, Neville and the Twins over at the Griffindor table.

Right as Professor McGonagall started leading the first years into the Great Hall, Harry looked up at the Head Table and saw a face he wasn't expecting. He recognized who he figured was the new Defense teacher. He turned to Blaise.

"We are in so much trouble." Blaise gave him a confused look. Right then, the first names of the sorting were called out. The boys had to quiet down.

When it got to be Ginny's turn, she walked up and had the hat placed on her head.

"_Another Weasley, huh? But what's this? A female? I haven't seen one of you in a very long time my dear. Now, where to put you?" that hat said._

"_Just put me in Griffindor with the rest of my family."_

"_I'm not so sure that's the best house for you. I think instead I'll place you in SLYTHERIN" _The hat yelled out.

This sorting surprised a number of people. All the Weasley boys were in shock. Everyone in their family for as long as they could remember were in Griffindor. Of course, Ginny was also the first female in their family in almost the same amount of time. Ron was shocked, he thought he knew his sister. He had no idea that she was evil. (which is what he now believed). Percy only hoped she stayed out of trouble. The twins thought it was funny and appropriate that she got into Slytherin. They knew better then to believe that all Slytherins were evil. They were friends with Harry and Blaise. It was kind of scary how much Ginny and Harry were really alike. Of course, Harry probably wouldn't see it right away, with Ginny being all shy.

Harry and Blaise were the first ones to start clapping for Ginny. A couple of others at the Slytherin table joined them. Malfoy and his boy bitches did not. In fact, the blonde brat looked very unhappy. He believed that his house was going to hell in a hand basket. Letting in blood traitor filth like that. He'd fix her good.

Ginny took a seat across from Harry and Blaise.

"Thanks a lot Ginny. You lost me 5 galleons." Blaise said.

"What?" Ginny asked as Blaise handed the money over the Harry. He tossed two of the coins to Ginny.

"Your cut. I knew you were Slytherin material." Harry winked at her, and she blushed.

"Welcome students, old and new." Dumbledore said to everyone. "A few words before we dig in. Narf. Gargle. And Tiddle. Thank you." Dumbledore clapped his hands and food appeared.

Harry didn't need to be told twice to start eating. He became a living vacuum. Most of the people around him were used to it. Ginny had never seen him eat before. Sure she had seen her brothers eat like pits, but they were nothing like this. Of course, it wasn't as bad as it was over at the Hufflepuff table. All the silverware had been stuck to the table. The kids had to eat everything with their hands. It was a bit messy.

After the food was eaten, and the bellies filled, Dumbledore once again got up to address the student body.

"Wasn't that a magnificent feast? Before you head off to slumber land, I have a few announcements to make. First, the Forbidden Forest is just that, forbidden. Mr. Filch has asked me to remind you that there is to be no magic in the corridors between classes. Also, there is a most impressive list of banned items hanging on the door to Mr. Filch's office. Sadly, we lost one of our own last year. Professor Quirrel disappeared most unexpectedly. We are most lucky to find a last minute replacement. He is a very experienced wizard when it comes to defending against the Dark Arts, joining us this year is Professor Dende Shen." Dende, in his human disguise, stood and received a moderate round of applause. Harry clapped, but he had a look shooting at Dende that obviously read 'what the fuck man?' "Classes begin bright and early in the morning. So off to bed with you. Prefects, please lead the way."

All the students rose from the tables, and started to make their way out of the hall. Harry found himself next to Fred and George. He motioned for them to come close. In a very quiet voice, he said to them "kitchens, midnight". The twins nodded at him in acknowledgment.

Before Harry got out of the Great Hall, he was stopped by Professor Snape.

"Potter. The headmaster would like to see you in his office right now. You're to come back to the dungeons after he has talked to you."

"Yes Professor." Harry said. He turned and headed off to the headmaster's office wondering what the old goat fucker wanted this time.

"_What can he want now? It can't be because of those pictures I doctored up of him and that midget. The Quibbler hasn't received them yet. He can't have linked me to the crate of butter beer the house elves received last week. I bet its because I didn't go live with my aunt like he wanted to. Silly old man. When is he going to learn he can't control me?" _Harr thought to himself.

He reached the entrance to the Headmaster's office. Again, no one had told him the password. So, instead of trying to guess some random candy, Harry took a seat next to the entrance, and fell asleep.

About an hour later, Harry was awoken by the Headmaster.

"Mr. Potter, I've been waiting over an hour for you to show up. I come down to look for you, and I find you asleep. Not very responsible my boy." Dumbledore said in a disapproving voice.

"Sorry sir. I got here on time. But I didn't know the password, so I sat down and must have been more tired then I thought." Harry looked innocently at Albus.

"Well, whatever the case, you're late. It's almost 11. You could have tried guessing the password."

"I would have no idea where to begin, sir." Harry said. It was a bold face lie, Harry knew Albus kept his password a sweet of some sort. But the old man didn't know he knew.

"Its usually a sweet." Albus said, a twinkle in his eye.

"Sir, I hope you don't mind me asking, but what's the point of having a password when someone can guess it so easily?" Harry asked.

"Well, people who mean me harm usually won't sit here and list off candies. They'd be to impatient to get to me." Dumbledore said. Harry thought to himself that if someone was going to off the oldman, listing sweets really wouldn't stop them. It would stop someone who never had a chance to begin with though.

The two of them made their way up the stairs, and into the Headmaster's office. Albus took his seat behind his desk. Harry sat in front of him.

"Now Harry, what's this I hear about you not going home with your relatives this summer?" Albus asked. He had an authorative tone.

"What are you talking about sir? I went home with my relatives. I met up with them after I got off the train, and we went home."

"You don't have to lie to me. I know for a fact that you didn't go home with your Aunt Petunia in June."

"No sir, I didn't."

"But you just said you went home with your relatives? I had told you before you got on the train that the Dursleys would be waiting to pick you up."

"Sir, the Dursleys are not my family. They never have been, they never will be."

"Harry, there's something you don't know. When your mother died to protect you, she created a special kind of protection. A protection of love. That protection can keep you safe as long as you reside with someone of your mother's blood."

"But sir, I do live with someone of my mother's blood."

"Oh?" asked Dumbledore. "And who would that be? The last I checked, Petunia Dursley was the last living relative of your mothers."

"I happen to live with my great grandfather. My mother's grandfather." This was news to the headmaster. He had checked into Lily's family, and as far as he knew, her parents were dead. And she had no cousins. He hadn't thought to look any farther back. This was an unseen monkey wrench in his plans. He had to figure some way of getting Harry to live with his aunt.

"I'm a little surprised your great grandfather is still alive. Muggles don't live that long." Said Dumbledore.

"He's nearing his 100th birthday. And I wouldn't exactly call him a muggle. Especially not to his face." Harry chuckled at the thought of someone calling Prince Vegeta a muggle. They'd last maybe a second after that.

"You must find it boring living with someone so old. Don't you think it would be a better idea to live with your aunt?" Dumbledore was getting desperate. Harry knew it.

"No sir. Boring is certainly not a word I would use to describe my home life. Sir, I must ask though, is it really any of your business where I live over the summer? You are only the headmaster of my school. You have no authority over me during the time I'm not hear." Harry decided it was time to call the oldman on his bullshit.

"That may be true. But as a concerned educator, I find myself compelled to make sure that you are safe and taken care of during the summer holidays. I am not convinced that you are safe when not at Hogwarts." Dumbledore said.

"Well, luckily for me, its not your decision to make sir."

"True. But I have many friends who can make that decision." The tension in the room was getting high.

"Sir, it's getting late. I really should be getting to bed."

"You're right. We'll finish this dicussion another time."

"You bet your ass we will." Harry mumbled to himself as he walked out the door. Albus heard him. Albus was also pissed that he was not able to read the boy's mind. The boy obviously knew more then he let on. He was able to go tic for tat there. Not good. And the bombshell about his great grandfather. If that was true, then Albus would have a shit load of trouble convincing anyone that Harry should live with his aunt.

Albus cursed whatever power had taken away his ability to read minds. He felt like he had lost one of his senses. He had depended on it over the years. Its why no one was ever able to get one over on him. He constantly read everyone's mind. It was sheer luck that no one had caught on to him since the previous term.

Of course, Albus would be extremely pissed if he ever realized that the same person he cursed nightly was also the same person he had just hired to teach Defense against the Dark Arts.

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Harry made his way down to the kitchens straight from Dumbledore's office. He got there the exact same time the twins did.

"Hey Harry…."

"…what's up?"

"We're in trouble. I thought I'd let you two know as soon as possible."

"Is this about the…."

"…..mail order husband…"

"…..we ordered for Snape?"

"No, even worse." The twins gave Harry an odd look.

"What is…."

"…it then?"

"The new Defense teacher. I happen to know him."

"Oh?" the twins asked in unison.

"Yeah. He's probably a bigger prankster then the three of us."

"How is that…"

"…a bad thing?"

"A couple reasons. First, as a professor, he's above suspicion. Any prank he pulls, the blame will probably go to us first." The twins paled slightly at this. "Second, he's very good. I'm pretty sure he was responsible for the Puffs at dinner. Also, you remember that prank involving Dumbles and Minnie last year with the spanking?"

"THANKS A LOT HARRY! I JUST GOT THAT IMAGINE OUT OF MY HEAD LAST WEEK THANK YOU VERY MUCH!" and angry Fred yelled.

"Settle down Fred." Harry said. The twins were a little surprised he could tell them apart. "My point is, he pulled that off. From America." The twins let out a whistle . "Yeah, I know. He's like that. And also, he'll see just about anything coming. He's really wise like that. Though, I'd say more like a wise ass. But that's beside the point. So we need to keep our eyes out for pranks, and be ready to take blame for a lot of shit that isn't our fault."

"This is indeed…."

"…bad news."

"One good thing we have going for us though. I know him well enough to know most of his weaknesses. And thank god he has some." The three of them shared a grin.

"It looks dear brother…."

"….that we're in store for a prank war with a professor."

"Glad to see you guys are excited. We're going to need all the help we can get. You think Ginny will want to help us."

"Probably. But speaking of Ginny…."

"…what are your intentions towards…"

"….our youngest, and only sister?"

"What do you guys mean? I only met her the other day. I think we could be good friends."

"Friends? Is…"

"…that all?"

"Listen guys, you don't have too much to worry about yet. I know Ginny has a crush on me. But in all honesty, the puberty fairy hasn't hit me upside the head yet. Hormones aren't controlling my decisions yet. For the time being, all my female friends are just that, friends."

"All right…"

"…we believe you."

"But we will…."

"…be having this…

"…talk again in…"

"…the future."

"Fair enough. I know if at some point in the distant future, if Ginny and I decide to date, I'll have to deal with you two."

"You have less to…"

"…fear from us, and more…."

"….to fear from Bill."

"Who's Bill?"

"Our oldest brother…"

"…he's the one who really…."

"….looks out for Ginny."

"I see. Good to know. Well, I really think I should be getting to bed. Its late. And we have classes in the morning. Hey, I bet you money I have a class with your dumbass brother in the morning."

"You'd lose that…"

"…bet mate. Our dear…"

"…brother Ron has…."

"….been held back a year."

"He's a first year…."

"…again."

Harry almost fell over laughing.

"You're kidding? Oh, that is just too priceless. If only they had done that for dear old Malfoy. Wait, if they held back Ron, why not Crabbe or Goyle?" the twins shrugged.

"Our guess is…"

"…that Snape watches…"

"….out for his kis."

"And McGonagall…."

"….not so much."

"In other words, Snape probably pushed for Crabbe and Goyle to pass, while no one spoke up for Ron?"

"That's what we figure." The twins said in unison.

"That's a little messed up. Funny, but messed up." The three of them split up. Harry heading back to his dorm, the twins headed back towards theirs.

The next day, was after all a new day. A day fresh for pranks and all kinds of fun.

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**A/N: 40,000 words. Who's the man? This guy.**

**So, who saw Dende coming? A lot of people were thinking Lupin. I like Remus, I really do. And I plan on having him show up at the right time. Second year just wasn't the right time.**

**I'm sure some people may be disappointed I didn't reveal Lockhart's fate in this chapter. Soon my children, Soon. ((cackles evily))**

**Ok, responses to some questions. **

**AnimeFlunky –** Nope, Harry has not gone super. Yet. He will. Don't worry. And as far as the color, the clues are there. In big neon signs.

**Paledragon – **Ok, in all honesty, Vegeta really shouldn't be allowed to be around children. How he got to primarily raise Harry is anyone's guess. (which is fucked up coming from the author) Maybe I should write an insert story where Vegeta gets bored while Harry is at Hogwarts so he opens a pre school…..oh, the possibilities for that one….

**GrantLarceny – **and according to the roast of Pamela Anderson last year, Bea has a penis. Who knew?

**I don't know if anyone noticed, but there wasn't a lot of Draco bashing in the fist year. This is going to change. There will be much Draco bashing from here on out. Harry's main targets are going to be Draco and Ron. Dumbledore however, will most likely fall victim to a certain green guy. (I can't say for sure, because no one controls Dende)**

**Here's a silly question, but who wants to see Luna appear early? Like, within the next couple chapters early? (none of that 'wait till 5th year' shit)**


	13. Chapter 12

**A/N: sorry about the delay in updating. School has started, and its going to affect the rate in which I update this story. I hope you enjoy.**

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Harry Potter realized something very important the first morning of classes. Fate hated him. First thing, on his first day, he had double Defense. With the Gryffindors no less. Well, that wouldn't be as bad since Ron wasn't a second year. He'd be with Hermione and Blaise.

But he'd also be in there with Dende. He knew he was in for a world of trouble the second Snape had given him his schedule that morning.

"Why the expression of doom Harry?" asked Blaise.

"I have a bad feeling about our first class."

"Why? Cause of the twits in red?"

"No, they're alright for the most part. I'm worried about the professor."

"He can't be all bad, can he?"

"We shall see."

It was at that second that Hagrid and Professor Flitwick broke out into dance. And not just any dance, but break dancing. It was an interesting site to see the biggest and smallest person in the room doing the moves they were busting out.

In the end, it was pretty well accepted that Hagrid got served. The Ravenclaw table burst out into applause for their head of house. The tiny professor got up and took a bow.

Harry just rolled his eyes. He knew who was behind this prank. As good as the twins were, they didn't know anything about hip hop music, so they couldn't have come up with the music that had been playing while the two broke it out.

Harry looked up to the staff table and saw Dende looking a little smug, yet innocent at the same time. The only two people Harry knew that could do that was Dende and himself. This was already shaping up to be an interesting year.

He just hoped he survived it. The castle too.

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Harry took his seat in the defense classroom between Hermione and Blaise. Blaise was still half asleep and Hermione had her nose stuck in a book. It was one of Lockhart's books. Harry just rolled his eyes at his best female friend.

As the students trickled in, Harry looked around for Dende. He didn't spot his friend anywhere.

"_He must be planning some kind of big entrance. What a woman." _Harry thought to himself.

As the last student took their seat, all the door closed by themselves. There was a loud bang, and a large purple smoke cloud appeared in the middle of the room. A few fireworks went off.

Standing in the middle of the smoke cloud was their new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

"Welcome one and all to History of the Oppressed woman. I'm your instructor, Professor Shen." Hermione's hand shot into the air. "Yes Miss Granger?"

"Sir, isn't this Defense Against the Dark Arts?" she asked.

"Is it? I could have sworn this was the History of Oppressed woman class I teach from time to time. Are you sure this is Defense?" Hermione nodded her head. "Well, in that case, I stand corrected. I guess that means its my job to help prepare your young minds to battle against the dark forces." Harry couldn't help himself, he raised his hand. "Yes Mr. Potter?"

"Isn't there a restraining order against you from teaching that particular class?"

"You know perfectly well that that order is only enforced in India. It doesn't stop me from teaching here in Britain."

"Far enough."

"Now, may I start my class Mr. Potter?"

"Don't let me stop you Professor Shen."

"Thank you. Now, as Miss Granger has pointed out, this is Defense Against the Dark Arts. The first thing I should probably address is the text books. I'm sorry you all had to buy those god awfull books written by that fraud." Again, Hermione's hand went up. "Yes Miss Granger?"

"Are you sure he's a fraud?"

"Yes. I am. I'm not sure if any of you are aware of what has happened to Mr. Lockhart. Actually, you wouldn't be, since you were all on the train yesterday. Gildory Lockhart admitted in a court, under the influence of a truth serum, that he took credit for everyone of his stories. He memory wiped those that actually did. The Ministry of Magic here in Britain has charged him with illegal memory charms. And I heard that several civil suits are coming to light. Not just for those he store his stories from, but also the publishers of his books. They are taking a big hit, since no one is going to be willing to buy any of his books from now one." A number of the girls in the class looked crestfallen. "That answer your question Miss Granger?"

"Yes sir."

"Now, moving on. You all are second years, as such, this year, you will be focusing on Dueling. The majority of this year will be dealing with it. Can anyone tell me why learning to duel is important in defense when it comes to the Dark Arts?"

A number of hands rose.

"Yes Mr. Thomas?"

"So you know how to use spells." The boy answered.

"That's part of it I guess. But its not what I'm looking for. Yes, Mr. Zabini?"

"So you are able to engage someone in combat effectively." The rest of the hands, except one, lowered at this. They all thought Blaise hit it.

"That's almost it. But not entirerly. Mr. Potter."

"Death Eaters."

"Explain."

"In the last 20 years, one of the most powerful elements of the dark forces, is the Death Eaters. By knowing how to duel, we know how to fight back when confronted with a dark wizard."

"I couldn't have said it better myself. 15 points to Slytherin. Now, you won't be fighting any dark wizards in this class. But I believe by becoming better duelers, it increases you chances of surviving if you encounter a dark wizard trying to do you harm. But before we get down to the nitty gritty of throwing spells at each other, I'd like to introduce my teaching assistant. Standing in the back, is Arthur Curry, but you all may refer to him as Mr. Slave."

The students all turned around and saw a scowling blonde man standing up against the back wall. He did not look happy one bit.

Harry smirked in recollection.

"Any questions or problems you may have, you are welcome to ask Mr. Slave. As to how this class is going to work, every class will be divided into two parts. Half the class will be me lecturing on relevant spells and tactics when it comes to dueling. The other half will be you dueling." Hermione raised her hand, yet again. "Yes Miss Granger."

"What about books?"

"Glad you asked. You are going to be required to do independent research." Dende waved his hand, and a piece of paper appeared in front of each student. "This outlines how I want you to each write your papers. You are to write a paper on each spell you intend to use while dueling in this class. You are limited to only being able use spells you write papers on. You are only required to write three this year. But it might be in your best interest to write more."

The kids all looked over their papers.

"Now, for the rest of the first class, we're going to go over proper dueling etiquette and form."

Harry rolled his eyes.

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After class, Harry approached Mr. Slave.

"Hey Arthur. Long time no see."

"Hey Harry."

"How'd Dende trick you into this one?"

"You don't want to know, trust me. All I'll say is that I lost a bet, and leave it at that." Harry chuckled at the man's annoyance.

"A piece of advice Arthur, if he offers you double or nothing, don't take it. That's how he got Jay to be his personal letter carrier for five years." Arthur winced.

"I'll have to keep that in mind."

"I just hope your kingdom can survive without you for….wait, how long are you his 'slave' for anyway?"

"Just this year."

"I hope it doesn't become any longer."

"Me neither."

"In the mean time, care to help me prank our green friend?" The two grinned at each other.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Great minds must think alike, because on the third day of classes, the students of Hogwarts were treated to not one, but two shows at breakfast.

As breakfast was beginning, Dumbledore got up to address the students, but instead of any announcements, the Headmaster broke into song. He sang 'Baby got Back' in its entirety. The damaging image wasn't helped by Professor Sprout dancing for him.

After the students were scared for life, Professor Shen got up and broke out in hiw own rendition of 'Its raining men'. He had Dumbledore, Flitwick and Filch dancing back up for him. This wasn't as scaring, but it was funny none the less.

As soon as the song and dance was done, the twins walked over to Harry at the Slytherin table.

"What are the …"

"…odds someone else…"

"…would pull the same…"

"…prank?"

"I told you guys, he's able to stay like three or four steps ahead of everyone. I wasn't kidding about that."

"We…"

"…guess not."

"Just makes…"

"…it that more of…"

"…a challenge."

"Too true gentlemen. You guys have his class yet?" The twins nodded.

"Even though he's an…."

"…evil bastard, he's bloody…."

"…brilliant."

"Well, at least we're getting an education. Imagine if Lockhart had ended up as our professor? Iditon probably would have done something stupid like let a pack of pixies or some creatures loose in the class. I'm glad Dende got the job."

"Us too. Sure…"

"…makes things more…"

"…interesting."

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Dumbledore sat in his private bathroom angry. He was stewing in his anger. The prank that morning hadn't been that bad, really. He had enough of a sense of humor to roll with the pranks that happened at Hogwarts. They were entertaining, and distracted everyone.

What had Dumbledore upset, was that someone had slipped him a very strong laxative in his breakfast that kicked in while he had been dancing for Professor Shen. He had ran from the Great Hall in a hurry. He didn't quite make it either.

That was one pair of boxers that would never see the light of day again. He had to burn the poor pair. And they were his favorite.

Now, 7 hours later, and still on the toilet, Albus Dumbledore was not a happy man. He had not been able to get away from his bathroom. He last his favorite boxers, he missed most of the day, his ass hole burned something bad.

Sometimes magic wasn't a good things. A normal person would have emptied their colon a long time ago. But thanks to the magic that is, well, magic, Albus got to keep on going.

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While Albus was sitting on his toilet, elsewhere in the castle, there were snickers coming from the Defense classroom.

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The next night found a short blonde girl entering the potions classroom. She had come down there for detention. She entered the classroom to find a raven haired boy sitting at one of the stations with his legs up. He looked up and saw the girl.

"Hello. And who's little girl are you?" the girl gave him a strange look.

"I'm Luna Lovegood. And you're Harry Potter."

"Why, I do believe you are right. I am Harry Potter. Lovegood….that name sounds familiar."

"You might recognize it from the men's room walls."

"No, that's not it." They sharred a look. "I like you. You're fun."

"Why thank you. I don't think my fellow Ravenclaws agree."

"Their lose then." Luna shrugged her shoulders.

"I guess."

"I got it!"

"Crabs?"

"No, of course not. Don't be silly, I haven't done anything that would get me them. Yet."

"Why can't I be silly?"

"Ok, you be silly. Anyway, I remembered where I know your name from. Your dad owns the Quibbler, doesn't he?" Luna bristled with pride.

"Yes he does."

"Would you mind doing me a favor?" Luna's expression dropped a little. Usually when ever anyone said that to her, they usually followed it up with some sort of insult.

"What would that be?"

"Ask your dad if it would be possible for him to start doing international distribution. I'm only in Britian when I'm at Hogwarts, and I would like to get a subscription over the summer."

"You read the Quibbler?"

"Of course I do. It's about the only Wizarding publication I read. The Profit is nothing but a propaganda rag."

"This is true."

"So, what are you in for?"

"Excuse me?"

"You're here for detention, right?"

"In my first potions class, I got the impression that Professor Snape needed a hug. I was wrong." Harry fell out of his chair laughing.

"I would loved to have seen that. I bet he didn't like it one bit. He's not exactly the touchy feely type."

"I know that. Now."

"Well, at least all you got was detention. He could have done much worse."

"Yeah, especially after the aphrodisiac chocolates I left him." Harry raised an eyebrow. "I hear Mrs. Norris will never be the same again." The two of them shared a chuckle. "How about you, what are you in for?"

"Wrongful accusation."

"Oh?"

"Just because the giant mural in the Slytherin common room was left with my name signed on it, they all believed I'm the one who painted it. So, now I'm in detention every night for the next month."

"What was the mural of?" Luna asked.

"You probably don't want to know."

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know."

"It was off the Headmaster having 'relations' with a goat and a sheep. And he had a huge grin on. It was the only thing he had on."

"Oh, that's just not right."

"You're telling me."

"And you said you had nothing to do with it? Any idea who did it?"

"I have an idea. I think it was retribution from prank. And do I look that depraved?"

"From what I heard from Ginny, maybe." Harry mocked a hurt feeling.

"Dear lady, your words wound me. I guess I'm going to have to have a talk with Ginny about what she's saying about me. Perhaps a spanking is in order."

"Can I watch?" Harry let out a laugh.

"Luna, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship."

"I know. Why do you think I really gave Snape that hug?" Harry raised an eyebrow.

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**A/N: And that folks, is chapter 12. Yay. Sorry Draco and Ron didn't make an appearance. Just wait, they'll be the focus of ridicule soon enough. **

**MorganDaratrazanoff – **this is true, but Harry is only a quarter Saiyan. There have been some people saying they want to see Harry end up with a Harem. I don't think that'll happen, but you never know, two girls may decide to share him. If they can tame him that is.

**Shadowvampire17 – **when they're old enough to date. And just because I pair someone up, doesn't mean they're sould mates and going to be together forever.

**Froboy – **Vegeta isn't capable of magic, so he wouldn't be able to teach magic at Hogwarts.

**SilverWarrior – **I can agree with that, in a cannon type universe. In this AU, Harry is different. Not only is he part Saiyan, but he grew up different. Both nature and nurture are radically different then the boy the Dursleys raised. Also, Ron can be a fun target.

**Tg77ed – **I have a couple in my favorites, there really aren't that many out there. I don't want to float my own boat too much, but I think mine is about the best one out there. But with the lack of Harry Potter / DBZ stories out there, that doesn't say a whole lot.

**I'll try and get the next chapter up as soon as possible. ** **Oh, and any pranks you guys want to see in this story, let me know. I may put some in if they're good enough….and by my standards, that's not too hard. So how about I say the ones that make me laugh the most might see it in here? Also, they can't break anything I'm setting up. **


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N: Sorry its taken so long to update. Real life, you know? Doesn't help when you're a student and a writer, kills a lot of your desire to write fan fiction…. Anyway, on with the story. Hope you enjoy.**

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Luna wanted to go to detention with Harry again. After that first night, it was confirmed that she had a real friend. Harry invited her to hang out with his friends. Hermione didn't like Luna too much, but Harry stuck up for her. When Hermione bad mouthed the Quibbler, Harry pointed out off handedly, that the Quibbler was about the only ones who had any accuracy in reporting what had happened to him eleven years ago.

That had quieted Hermione. And as much as Luna enjoyed hanging out with Harry and his friends, she liked spending time with Harry by herself.

That was what inspired her to do what she did in Potions that day. She knew that Harry's one month of detentions was almost up, so she needed to act fast.

Luna was working on her potion alone, as none of her classmates wanted to work with her, and there were an odd number of students in the class. The class was silent. Sure, it wasn't as bad as the class shared by the Slytherins and Gryffindors, neither the Hufflepuffs nor Ravenclaws wanted to incite Snape's wrath. The only thing that could be heard in the dungeon was the heavy breathing of the students and their professor.

And then Luna opened her mouth.

"I like big butts and I can not lie  
You other brothers can't deny  
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waste  
And a round thing in your face  
You get sprung"

Every eye in the room was on Luna. She continued on, not even noticing her classmates. She even started shaking her ass.

"Wanna pull up front  
Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed  
Deep in the jeans she's wearing  
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring  
Oh, baby I wanna get with ya  
And take your picture  
My homeboys tried to warn me  
But with that butt you got  
Me so horny  
Ooh, rub all of that smooth skin  
You say you wanna get in my Benz  
Well use me, use me cuz you ain't that average groupy"

At this point, Snape had to step in.

"Lovegood, do you mind?"

"Not at all Professor." Snape turned from her and walked back to his closet. (yes, Snape's now in the closet) Luna continued singing.

"I've seen them dancin'  
The hell with romancin'  
She sweat, wet, got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette  
I'm tired of magazines  
saying flat butt's the only thing  
Take the average black man and ask him that  
She gotta pack much back, so  
Fellas ("yeah" all the boys in the class said), fellas ("yeah")  
Has your girlfriend got the butt (hell yeah)  
Well shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake that healthy butt  
Baby got back"

Snape came running out of the closet. (notice how fast he came out)

"MS. LOVEGOOD! What is the meaning of continuing such a vulgar song?"

"Didn't you ask me to continue a few minutes ago?" Luna looked at him with a confused look.

"I most certainly did not. 10 points from Ravenclaw."

"But you said, and I Quote, 'Lovegood, do you mind?' I assumed you meant for me to continue, sir." Snape was huffing with frustration.

"No. You are not to disrupt this class any further. Understood?"

"Yes sir. But how come the headmaster can sing that song, but I can't? Is it because I'm not dancing? Because I can dance."

"It has nothing to do with dancing. If the headmaster wants to make a fool of himself, so be it. But in this class, you are not to cause any distractions. Now, get back to work."

Luna turned back to her cauldron and continued to work on her potion. Ten minutes later, she smirked to herself. She once again opened her mouth.

"I like'em round and big  
And when I'm throwin' a gig  
I just can't help myself  
I'm actin like an animal  
Now here's my scandal  
I wanna get you home  
And ugh, double ugh, ugh  
I ain't talkin' bout Playboy  
Cuz silicone parts were made for toys  
I wannem real thick and juicy  
So find that juicy double  
Mixalot's in trouble  
Beggin' for a piece of that bubble  
So I'm lookin' at rock videos  
Watchin' these bimbos walkin' like hoes  
You can have them bimbos  
I'll keep my women like Flo Jo  
A word to the thick soul sistas  
I wanna get with ya  
I won't cus or hit ya  
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna fuck  
Til the break of dawn  
Baby, I got it goin on  
A lot of pimps won't like this song  
Cuz them punks like to hit it and quit it  
But I'd rather stay and play  
Cuz I'm long and I'm strong  
And I'm down to get the friction on"

"LOVEGOOD! Twenty points from Ravenclaw."

"Do you have something against that song professor? Do you prefer little butts?" Snape smacked himself in the head.

"Fine. Lovegood, you are not to sing that song in class anymore. Understood? EVER!"

"Ok professor Snape, I won't ever sing _that _song in class again."

"Thank you." Luna was slightly upset that he hadn't given her detention. She would have to up the stakes a bit. And not make herself a liar. She had to resort to Plan B. She had been hesitant about Plan B. She wanted to wait on Plan B till she was older, and more…developed.

After another fifteen minutes of silence, Luna finished her potion. She cleared her station and bottled her potion. She then proceeded to jump up on her desk and started a song and dance. The dance was a very provocative dance.

"I love myself I want you to love me  
When I feel down I want you above me  
I search myself I want you to find me  
I forget myself I want you to remind me  
I don't want anybody else  
When I think about you I touch myself  
Ooh I don't want anybody else  
Oh no, oh no, oh no   
You're the one who makes me come running  
You're the sun who makes me shine  
When you're around I'm always laughing  
I want to make you mine  
I close my eyes And see you before me  
Think I would die If you were to ignore me  
A fool could see Just how much I adore you  
I get down on my knees I do anything for you  
I don't want anybody else  
When I think about you I touch myself  
Ooh I don't want anybody else  
Oh no, oh no, oh no  
I want you I don't want anybody else  
And when I think about you I touch myself  
Ooh, ooh, oo, oo ahh."  
I don't want anybody else When I think about you  
I touch myself Ooh I don't want anybody else  
Oh no, oh no, oh no"

With as many nosebleeds as this caused, it was official in everyone's mind, Luna was fucking nuts.

"LOVEGOOD!!!!"

Out of no where, an inhuman voice said "_Boobs better" _Snape started pounding his head agains the wall. After a couple hard hits, he looked back to Luna. "Detention."

"Thank you sir." Luna turned her potion in, picked up what clothes she had taken off during her dance and skipped out of the class happy.

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It was a lovely autumn morning, and Harry was sitting out on the Quidditch Pitch. Sure, he didn't play the game. He really didn't like flying on a broom. It was too constricting. He felt a lot more free flying under his own power.

The pitch was also a pretty quiet place. When he wanted to get away from everyone, he headed out here. Some might think he would head out by the lake, but there tended to be more people out there then you would think. At least, around this time of day.

Harry looked over and noticed that the Gryffidor and Slytherin teams were below arguing over Kami knows what. Harry walked down to find out what the commotion was all about. Once he found out, he almost fell over laughing.

"What's so funny Potter?" Draco said with a sneer.

"Flint, I cannot keep my mouth shut about this, the honor of our house is on the line. But why the bloody hell did you make Malfoy seeker? He's a terrible flyer. You just gave up the cup." Flint looked at Malfoy hesitantly. Malfoy looked like he was ready to kill someone.

"I'm a better flyer then you Potter. I remember our flying lessons last year. You were terrible."  
"I could beat your limp wristed ass in the air any day of the week. In fact, I could beat you to the snitch on a muggle broom." Harry smirked at the insult. Draco had to take the bait.

"How dare you?!" Malfoy yelled. "My father has supplied the team with the top of the line brooms. You can't even fly a muggle broom."

"Willing to wager you spot on the team on that?"

"Me on my Nimubs 2001 versus you on a muggle broom? First to catch the snitch wins? What do I get when I win?"

"If you can beat me on your 'better' broom, with your 'superior' skills….how about one million galleons and I refer to you as 'Master Malfoy' for the rest of your natural life?" Malfoy's eyes widened. He looked like every Christmas and birthday had just came early. "And just to make things fair, how about we find someone neutral so conjure up a muggle broom? Should be a simple matter of transfiguration."

"Potter, you can have anyone you want conjure the broom up. Just as long as its not you or your mudblood slut." Harry made a mental note to hurt Malfoy for that one soon. Harry walked up to Oliver Wood.

"Excuse me, Oliver, right? Would you mind doing the honors? I'm sure as Captain of the Gryffindor team, you're impartial to this." Oliver smirked at Harry.

"Not a problem. The sheer balls of this alone is good enough for me." Oliver pulled out his want and conjured a broom.

"Why him Potter?" asked Flint.

"Because if I'm right, and Draco sucks as a flier, he wouldn't want me to win. Oh, and before we start, I just want to clarify something. When I win, I'm not taking the spot myself, but reserve the right to give it to whomever I want. Deal?"

"Deal." Said Malfoy. The two shook on it.

"As long as their in our house." Said Flint.

"Of course." Said Harry. "Oliver, I hate to ask something else, but in the spirit of impartiality, do you mind if we borrow the Gryffindor snitch?"

"Sure." He tossed it over to Flint.

The Slytherin and Gryffindor team took their seats. The Slytherins thought that this would be boring and quick. The Gryffindors, thanks to Fred and George, were pretty sure Harry had something up his sleeve. He wasn't the kind of person to put something like that up on a sure thing.

Draco and Harry mounted their brooms down on the pitch. Flint released the Snitch.

"Ok, wait a just a little bit." They stood there for a minute. "Ok. Whoever catches it wins. And….go!"

What happened next surprised everyone there. They both took off likes bats out of hell. Draco's broom was supposed to be the top of the line, fastest broom in existence. However, Harry was not only flying faster then him, but out maneuvering him. It was as if him and his broom were one.

In reality, Draco wasn't a very good seeker. As soon as he got over the shock of Potter being in the air, and actually being able to fly well, he started following him in hopes that he could beat him to the snitch if he saw it first. Big mistake. Harry started flying all over, and doing maneuvers that would make a lot of pros jealous.

It ended after only five minutes, with Harry catching the snitch, and Draco with a face full of dirt after he 'landed' hard. As soon as he got up, he marched over to Harry.

"What the bloody fucking hell was that? You were flying a muggle broom! Muggle brooms can't fly!" Malfoy was almost foaming at the mouth. It didn't help much that Harry was giving him the same kind of look a parent gives their kid when they throw a tantrum.

Harry turned to Flint, "I'll let you know who your seeker is by the end of tomorrow. And I'll make sure they have a good broom and can use it. Unlike him." Harry pointed to Malfoy.

"You can't hold me to that!" Draco said.

"Yes he can." Said Flint. "You shock on it in front of more then a dozen witnesses you idiot. And if you think that we're giving these brooms back because you lost your spot, you have another thing coming." The rest of the Slytherin team glared at Malfoy.

Draco then did about the only smart thing he did that day. He turned and left. Sure he was pissed beyond reason, but he didn't want to dig himself any farther into whatever hole he was in.

The twins walked up to Harry. "Harry, old chap…"

"…how ever did you…"

"…do that? That was really…"

"…a muggle broom after all."

Harry smirked at the twins. "Sorry. Trade secret. All I will say is, I don't like flying on brooms. They're to restricting." He winked at the red heads and headed inside himself.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Arthur Curry was walking through the courtyard of Hogwarts when he heard an angry huff. He looked over and saw Hermione Granger sitting with a book and parchment in her lap. She didn't look happy one bit. He hated to see upset students. At least, those students who actually wanted to learn.

He walked over to her. "Hello Hermione." This jolted the young witch out of her musings.

"Oh, Mr. Slave…I mean Curry. I didn't see you."

"What seems to be the problem?"

"I'm writing this paper for History of Magic. Its about Atlantis." This cause Arthur's eyebrow to raise. "And this book seems so….wrong. I don't know what my problem is."

"Here, let me see your paper and book." Hermione handed the book and parchment over to him. He took a minute to read over things. He let out a sigh.

"Am I that wrong?"

"No, you're not wrong. Your paper is pretty good, considering your source. It's the book. Its is so wrong, its almost a crime. Not a single thing in this book is correct. Well, the passage about Plato talking about it is somewhat true…"

"The whole book couldn't be wrong. Someone would have said something. I've seen the same facts in other books."

"My guess is that the Wizarding world is a bit ignorant about Atlantis. How about you join me for tea, and I tell you all about the _real _Atlantis."

"Thank you." Hermione got up, collecting all her belongings. "But can I ask, if the Wizarding world is so wrong, how do you know the truth?"

"You could say I'm a bit of a specialist when it comes to Atlantis." The two of them walked towards Dende's office.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Luna Lovegood walked up the her Headmaster as he was about to enter the Great Hall.

"Excuse me sir, someone told me that you're a fan of muggle candy. Is that correct?" Dumbledore broke into a smile.

"Why I love muggle candy my dear."

"Would you be interested in trying some my father sent me? He was out tracking wild Bearded Clams in Amsterdam, and came across the most amazing candies."

"I would love to try some." Luna pulled a candy from her pocket and handed it to the elder wizard.

"Bye sir." Luna turned and ran into the Great Hall. Dumbledore ate the candy as he walked into the Great Hall.

As soon as he took three steps in, the candy took affect. He walked over to the nearest table, which just happened to be the Gryffidor table.

"I didn't know it was that kind of party." He yelled out. "If I did, I would have stuck my dick in the mashed potatoes." And then he whipped it out and did just that.

Luna walked over to the twins Weasley.

"I told you I could get him to eat it." Money was exchanged.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Harry entered the Slytherin common room. He walked over to where Ginny was sitting and sat down next to her. She didn't notice him. She was too busy writing in a book. She was really into it. Harry just stared at her for a minute. Something here wasn't quite right.

He sat there analyzing the situation for a good five minutes. He realized that he was sensing something coming from the book. He felt energy coming from it. That wasn't right. Books didn't have any life energy in them. Sure, they could have a million different types of magic in them, but not life. Something wasn't right. And he was going to figure it out.

"Hey Ginny." Harry said, startling her. Ginny instantly jumped up. She slammed her book shut

"Harry, don't do that. You almost scared me to death."

"Sorry about that. What you doing?" Ginny looked away from his gaze.

"Nothing."

"Ok, if you say so. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Harry, how many times do I have to tell you, we're too young to be making out in the common room. We should at least wait till I'm a third or fourth year."

"Damn. I'll have to hold you to that promise." This caused the female Weasley to blush. "But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about. What would you say if I told you you could be the Seeker for the Slytherin Quidditch team?" Ginny's eyes widened.

"I'd say not to yank me like that."

"Oh, if I were to yank you, it wouldn't be like that." Said Harry with a wink.

"What are you talking about?"

"I just won a bet, and lets say, I can name anybody in Slytherin the new seeker. And since I hate flying on a broom, I was thinking 'who better then that saucy little red head I know?' So, what do you say?" She jumped him. Hugging him very tightly. If he had been human, his ribs would be bruised at the very least.

"Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou." While she was wrapped around him, she didn't notice him swipe her diary, and put it in his own bag.

"I also have to get you a broom. Since I told Flint that whoever I picked would be a good flyer, and have a good broom." Ginny's face fell. "And since first years aren't supposed to bring their own brooms, I was thinking that I would get you one as an early Christmas present."

"Harry, you can't do that. Just getting me the position is more then enough."

"I want to. Well, since you said yes, I'll go make arrangements with Snape and Flint. I also have to get you a broom here as soon as possible."

He left a very shocked Ginny Weasley. It was lucky she wasn't paying much attention to what was going on around her. She didn't notice her now missing diary.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Harry entered Dende's classroom. He threw a book down on the desk in front of Dende.

"What in the nine fucking levels of hell is that?" he asked. Dende examined the book for a minute.

"That Harry, is an act against Nature. It's a Horcrux."

"You're shitting me? Who's is it?" Dende turned it over and pointed at the name on the back. "Oh, that is soooo not right. Wait, are you telling me Moldypants split his soul?"

"It appears that way."

"And you didn't know anything about it?"

"I'm not omniscient you know."

"You claim to be enough though. Don't you have a shirt saying you are?"

"Shut it you."

"You think this is the only one?" Dende gave Harry a look that said '_you can't really be that stupid, can you?' _"Fair enough. Any idea how many he made?"

"No. But I know where I can find out. You know we're going to have to get rid of these before you confront him, right?"

"I know. But as things are, I can't really go on a treasure hunt right now, now can I?"

"True. But I think it wouldn't be cheating too much if we outsourced this particular task….."

"Who do you have in mind, oh Guardian?" Dende just smirked at Harry.

"Don't worry about it. They'll be out of the picture well before Tommy boy gets a body back."

Neither of them noticed the bushy haired witch peeking out of the door to Dende's office.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Hermione ran up to Harry in the hall. "Harry, what's a Horcrux?" Harry's eyes widened. He grabbed Hermione and stuffed the two of them into a broom closet. He quickly cast the most powerful privacy spell he knew.

"How did you hear about that?"

"I overheard you and Professor Shen talking earlier…." Harry cursed to himself.

"Ok, I'm only going to tell you this as long as you understand this goes under the category 'things never to talk about with anyone', got it?" Hermione nodded her head. "Ok. A Horcrux is an object that holds part of someone's soul. Its extremely Dark Magic. There isn't even a written record of HOW to create one. It's that bad. And it seems that Voldie happened to make a couple. That's why he's still around."

"Where did that book come from?"

"Ginny had it. She doesn't know I took it. I know I'm going to get yelled at when I tell her. Maybe I can get Luna to tell her for me…."

"If you took it from her, you should be the one to tell her."

"But she can be scary….you know how red heads are..."

"Harry."

"Fine."

"What was Ginny doing with a piece of _His _sould?"

"I'm not sure. Dende seems to think that it has the ability to control people with enough influence. I don't know. I'm just glad I got it away from her as soon as I did. Who knows what kind of bad things could have come of that."

"True."

The two of them exited the closet to a chorus of whistles and cat calls. Hermione almost feinted out of embarrassment. Harry of course, took a bow.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

The next day, Harry entered the common room again. He was carrying a package. He found Ginny again. She looked frantic.

"Hey Ginny."

"Hey Harry. Um…Harry, have you seen my diary by any chance?"

"Actually, I did." Ginny looked slightly relieved.

"Well?"

"I…um….sort of stole it from you…" Ginny's eyes widened.

"YOU WHAT?!" she yelled.

"I had a good reason. Don't you find it a bit odd that the diary talked back to you?"

"What did it say to you Harry?" asked a nervous Ginny.

"Nothing. I didn't actually talk to it. I knew better then that. Ginny, do you know who Tom Riddle is?"

"He was a student who went to school here fifty years ago."

"Do you know what he grew up to do?"

"No idea. He made the diary when he was a student here."

"I know who he is. The bastard killed my parents." It took about ten seconds for recognition to hit Ginny. When she did, she feinted.

"Girls. Why do they always want to feint?" Harry asked no on in particular. He revived Ginny with a quick spell.

"Harry, please tell me I wasn't pouring out my deepest secrets to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

"Sorry, Ginny, but you were."

"My mother is going to kill me."

"Don't worry too much. I took the book to Professor Shen. He knew what it was, and how to take care of it. Nothing bad had happened yet. Would you like some good news to help cheer you up?" Ginny slowly nodded her head. Harry picked up the package he had brought in with him. He handed it to Ginny, who opened it up to find a broom she didn't recognize.

"Harry. I've never seen a broom like this. What is this written on it?"

"This Ginny, is the Lightning Bolt. It's from China. It's not even on the market over there. Brooms in Asia are a bit more sophisticated. So, needless to say, this is a good broom. But don't take my word for it, get out and try it." Ginny ran with her new broom. Thoughts of Tom Riddle behind her.

Harry really was glad things had been taken care of before the evil bastard had sunk his claws too deeply into his friend.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

A couple days before Halloween, Luna and Harry were hanging out in the library. For once, Hermione wasn't with them. It was just the two of them.

"Harry, I saw the most interesting thing the other day. Ginny was practicing with the rest of the Slythering team."

"Yeah, that is interesting. Ginny is the youngest seeker in over a century."

"That's not what I found interesting. I've always known she had skill on a broom. What I found interesting was her broom. It was much better then everyone else's."

"So it's a good broom."

"The rest of the team has a Nimbus 2001. The best broom that's supposed to be on the market in Great Britain right now."

"I see nothing wrong with that statement."

"Harry." Luna gave him 'the look.' Harry couldn't resist 'the look' from Luna. Ginny was almost as good with it. But not quite as good as Luna. Hermione was the master at it though.

"Alright. It's a broom from China. They make way better brooms over there, and I happen to have a couple connections that got me the broom right away. And before it's release date. Its supposed to be released next month, right in time for Holliday shopping."

"What kind of connections?" Harry squimmed slightly.

"Ok, so I own the company that makes the broom…."

"So you didn't really have to pay for it. How much is it going to be retail?"

"In galleons?" Luna nodded. "Somewhere in the neighborhood of five thousand I think…"

"That's more then her father makes in a year…"

"Please don't say anything to her."

"I won't. That was a very nice thing you did for her you know. You got her not only a great broom, but a spot on the team. That will go a long way to help her self esteem."

"She's my friend." That was enough explanation needed.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

**A/N: wow, that was a little bit more then I thought I'd write tonight. I hope you enjoyed it. Sorry Ron wasn't in this one. But I've been wanting to do this to Draco for the longest time.**

**I imagine a few of you might be disappointed how I took care of the diary story line…but I have my reasons for doing it this way. Trust me. Or at least humor me like you would a small child….**

**Am I the only one finding Luna to be really funny?**

**Centaursaremyfriends – **Mr. Slave is Aquaman. I made it a little obscure in the last chapter. A lot more hints were dropped about it in this chapter.

**Prank war next chapter (for those wondering)**


	15. Chapter 14

**A/N: sorry for the wait. You know, I seem to always apologize for taking so long to update. I think perhaps I should just say 'I'll update when I update, and you all should be thankful that I do and not run off to some tropical island with a super model'. Ok….that might just be wishful thinking on my part there. But it could happen….sha right, and monkeys might fly out of my butt. Anyway, on with the story. and the villagers rejoice**

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

It was the morning of the first Quidditch match of the year. It was Slytherin versus Gryffindor. Everyone was sitting in the great hall eating their breakfast. Harry, Luna and Blaise sat at the Slytherin table next to Ginny, trying to keep her calm. This was her first match ever. She was the youngest to ever play on the team, and on top of that, one of the few girls as well.

All of the sudden, a large number of model airplanes flew into the great hall from the window the owls normally used. Each of the planes held on it, a small snake. The planes flew all around the Great Hall. Most figured it was some weird thing the Slytherins were doing for house pride. Harry knew better. He looked at the twins and saw questioning looks on their faces. Dende didn't look guilty, which was rare if you knew what you were looking for.

"_Who could it be?" _ Harry asked himself. He noticed the slight smile on Luna's face. It was really subtle. Most would probably think she had her normal 'gone' look. Harry arched an eyebrow, and was about to say something, when the doors to the Great Hall flew open and in walked a serious looking black man.

"Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on these motherfucking planes!" came the booming voice of Sam Jackson. He then raised a shotgun and started taking shots at the small model airplanes. He shot down a couple, then the rest took off out of the castle. Sam turned and left.

The Great Hall was silent.

Harry turned to Luna and said "I don't say this very often, but I honestly don't get it."

"Give it about, oh, 15 years or so. And then you will." Said Luna, she then turned to Ginny. "Good luck in the game later. As I'm not in either Slytherin or Gryffindor, I'll be rooting for Hufflepuff to win." With that, the blonde haired Ravenclaw got up and left.

"That made no sense." Said Ginny.

"Sure it did. If you can understand Luna." Replied Harry.

"And you know how to understand Luna?" asked Blaise. Harry shrugged his shoulders.

"Some of the time. Not this time though. But to someone, it made sense. It made sense to Luna herself."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Since the majority of the Ravenclaw house gave Luna a wide birth, Harry and Hermione were able to sit with Luna in the Ravenclaw stands and not have too many people near them. This worked well to what they had planned.

Harry had made a deal with the wizarding wireless about Quidditch commentary being broadcast. Hence, he and Hermione each had a headset on. It looked muggle, but was enchanted to keep out all noises except their voices from them. The headsets were pretty small, so no one really noticed them.

"…be hard for the Gryffindor beaters, having their sister as the opposing seeker." Said Hermione.

"I'll agree with that. One hand, the Weasley twins need to hinder the Slytherin Seeker, on the other, their mother would make it so no one found their bodies if anything happened to her youngest, and only daughter." Said Harry. "Bell passes to Johnson, who throws, and scores. 30 – 10, Slytherin. It also doesn't help that the Gryffindor Seeker sucks like a three dollar…"

"Harry Potter! You will not finish that sentence." Said Hermione. "And besides, our seeker isn't that bad."

"Isn't that bad? I haven't seen someone look so confused and lost concerning the location of a gold object since Minister Fudge was asked about campaign contributions."

"Wood blocks another attempt at the Gryffindor goals. That makes the fifth block so far this game."

"Ginny Weasley has just taken off towards the far side of the pitch. She's flying like either she's seen the Snitch or had gotten a whiff of…"

"I'm pretty sure it's the Snitch. Yes, it's the Snitch. Ginny Weasley has caught the snitch."

"And your seeker still looks lost. I don't think he's realized what has happened. Well ladies and gentlemen, that's the game. 180 – 10 in favor of the snakes. I don't know about anyone else, but I think I'll be attending a party tonight."

And he did at that. The Slytherins partied well into the night.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Three days after the Quidditch match, Harry received a note that he was to come to the Headmaster's office. How or why the owl had delivered it to him while he was sitting on the toilet was beyond him.

An hour later found Harry entering the Headmasters office. Harry noticed that along with the old goat fucker, his head of house and Malfoy senior were present as well.

"Mr. Potter, so glad you could join us. That took a little longer then expected though." Said Dumbledore.

"Sorry about that sir. Someone happened to trick me into consuming a very potent prank potion. A word of advise, its not fun to have the runs and be constipated at the same time….Anyway, how can I be of service Headmaster?"

"It seems that Mr. Malfoy has brought something to our attention."

"Yes. I was sitting at home the other day and I happened to catch the most interesting program on the wireless." Said Lucius Malfoy.

"Devil worshipping nymphos on the moon? That's one of my favorites." Said Harry. Snape lost his composure and actually snorted.

"No. Don't be silly. I listened to a special commentary on the Hogwarts Quidditch match. One of the commentators sounded a lot like you Mr. Potter."

"I would expect so, as I was commentating that game. Unless someone else did as well, and made their voice sound like mine. If that's the case, I am outraged at such a scandal and demand that someone investigate immediately." Dumbledore felt a headache coming on. It was going to be one of those days. And he had just gotten over the headache he had from when Prof. Shen challenged Hagrid to a drinking contest in Hogsmeade. They were still cleaning up the urine stains.

"And just why were you doing such a thing Mr. Potter? Did you have permission to do such a thing? And just how did you arrange it with the wireless company?" asked Mr. Malfoy.

"I wasn't under the impression that I required permission to do it. I checked every rule book for the school. No where did it say that a student couldn't do a public commentary for any Quidditch game. And as far as the arrangement I made with the wireless, how is that any of your business?"

"As one of the school governors, I think that it is my business."

"That's your opinion." Dumbledore and Snape just let the two argue. They didn't feel they needed to make any comments.

"I find you actions and words in particular to be a bit distasteful. I think that you need to be restricted from doing such a thing again. Don't you agree Headmaster?" Lucius asked.

"Harry my boy, I am curious; what inspired you to do such a thing?"

"In all honesty Headmaster, I figured that parents at home would be interested in the game. Not everyone can make it to the school to watch. So I approached the wireless, they liked it, especially the unbiased idea we had."

"Unbiased?" asked Snape, finally contributing to the conversation.

"Each game is going to have two commentators, one representing each house playing. We already have all four. And none of us are players. In fact, an argument could be made for some of us being the outcasts of our houses."

"Who are the others Mr. Potter?" asked the Headmaster.

"Well, as you know from the other day, the Gryffindor is Hermione Granger. From Ravenclaw we have Luna Lovegood, and from Hufflepuff, Susan Bones."

"That does sound….well rounded." Said the Headmaster. "And are you four receiving payment for your efforts?"

"The wireless is not paying us sir."

"Then I cannot see any reason in restricting you."

"Headmaster, I must protest." Said Malfoy.

"Mr. Malfoy, since you seem to be objectionable to our efforts, I would like to make you an offer." The blonde man looked oddly at Harry. "How about for the next Slytherin game, you come on as a special guest? That way you can put in your 'two cents' and show us how to 'act properly' as it were."

"Very well then, I shall find you shortly before the next Slytherin game. Headmaster, Severus." Lucius turned and took his leave.

"Well, that seems to be everything. Severus, why don't you escort Mr. Potter back to the Slytherin common room?"

"Very well Headmaster. Come Mr. Potter." And with that, the two of them left as well.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Severus Snape and Harry Potter walked down the hall of Hogwarts towards the Slytherin Common room.

"Potter, I have to say, I'm slightly disappointed in you. Consorting with the other houses in such a….frivolous endeavor."

"And sir, I'm disappointed in you for not seeing what's really going on." Snape just raised an eyebrow. "Personally, I think what I planned is quite sneaky and cunning."

"I don't see anything beyond a bunch of attention seeking kids."  
"Honestly sir, and you're the head of Slytherin?"

"Perhaps you should explain your master plan Potter?" said Snape with a sneer.

"Sir, I'm sure you're aware that in Wizarding Britain, there are no Libel and Slander laws? As it stands, the papers can write anything they want, and the radio can say anything it wants. They are able to make up anything, no matter how untrue and hurting it can be."

"I'm well aware of that. What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, if someone were to take things a bit far, wouldn't they have to make some changes? After only our first broadcast, one of society's elite was here in protest. I'm sure after a couple of our comments, Fudge wasn't too happy about our broadcast."

"They're going to put a quick stop to you if you go down that road."

"I'm well aware of the laws, and what I'm capable of doing. My intention is to force them in a position where if they want to shut us up, they're going to have to change some laws to do so. I know how these kind of men think. They 'have' to be in charge."

"Speaking of which, what happens when they arrest you and throw you in front of a kangaroo court?"

"Why do you think our Hufflepuff is Susan Bones sir?" Harry asked. Snape smirked at that. He knew that Amelia Bones wasn't going to let her only niece be railroaded into anything. They'd get a fair trial, no matter what. And, the boy had a point, he had the current law behind him.

The two of them walked in silence the rest of the way.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ron Weasley exited the library, headed towards the Great Hall for lunch. He hadn't actually been doing any studying. He'd just been bored, and figured since he'd never been in the library, to check it out. He figured it might not hurt his chances of getting out of the first year if he actually knew where it was.

Ron didn't see Luna walk up to him.

"Excuse me Ronald, can you help me with something?" Ron looked at Luna. He'd always thought she was looney.

"Um…I'm in a bit of a hurry."

"It won't take long."  
"Ok."

"I'm looking for the Clitoris. Do you know where it is?" Luna asked with a straight face.

"I've never heard of the Clitoris." Jackpot thought Luna.

"Well, I was reading in Hogwarts: A History, that any student who finds the Clitoris is rewarded with a large sum of gold." This got Ron's attention.

"Tell me more." He said.

"Well, there's this weird rule that makes it so you can only ask members of the opposite sex for help. Oh, and they have to be older then you. Hence, why I asked you. And once you find it, you're rewarded. Handsomely at that." Ron grinned.

"I'm sorry I can't help you Luna. Perhaps I'll look for it myself? If I find it, I'll share some of the gold with you."

"Oh no, you don't have to do that. If you find it on your own, you can keep whatever you get. You'll deserve whatever you get." Luna just kind of grinned in her own way. She looked like she was having a wet daydream as she wondered off.

Ron took off in a run. He had to find it, he was tired of being poor. He had to be rich.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ron entered the Great Hall and beelined for Hermione. She was smart, and older then him. Not by much, but she was still older then him.

"Hey Hermione. How are you doing?"

"Um….hi Ron. I'm doing alright. And yourself?"

"I'm doing great. Hey, could you help me with something?"

"I'm not doing your homework for you. I've told you that a thousand times."

"No, not that. I need to find the Clitoris. Do you know where the Clitoris is? Could you help me find it?'

SLAP!

Hermioned slapped Ron across the face, got up and left in a huff.

"Why did she do that?" Ron looked down the table. He saw Fred talking to Alicia. Alicia might be able to help him. He walked over to her.

"Hey Alicia, is there any chance you can show me where the Clitoris is?" Fred's mouth dropped as Alicia's foot came up. She caught him in the balls. She too got up and left.

Ron rolled around on the ground in pain. Fred recovered from his shock and started laughing. He didn't say anything to his brother. He just got up and left, laughing hard. He had to tell George about this one. Maybe they'd even owl their mother, and tell her.

After a couple of minutes, Ron recovered enough to get up and go to class. He had to get to Transfiguration.

"Maybe Prof. McGonagal will be able to help me out. She's even smarter then Hermione. If anyone can help me find the Clitoris, it'll be Prof. McGonagal."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Myrtle, how did I let you convince me to come to this disaster?" Harry asked his ghost friend.

"You not enjoying being my date?" Myrtle asked, a tear almost in her eye.

"Not at all. Your company is the only thing keeping me from bashing my head against the wall till I meet sweet sweet unconsciousness. Its not you, its this party. I know its Sir Nick's deathday party, and it's a party for ghosts, but I didn't think it would be this….dead." Myrtle giggled.

"Nice pun Harry."

"Shush you." The two of them made their way from where they were hanging out near the wall over to the food spread. It was all rotting and nasty. Even though Harry was part Saiyan and could eat more then a troll, he wasn't even going to touch what was presented.

"My lord, is that a live one we have?" Said some random headless ghost. He, and a group of other headless ghosts made their way over to Harry.

"Really? Where? I didn't see anyone alive in here." Said Harry, dripping with sarcasm. A few of the ghosts actually let out a laugh.

"What brings you here kid?"

"This lovely lady standing besides me actually. Said it was going to be the social event of the century."

"And do you think it is?" one of them asked.

"Well, let me put it this way, if I was able to, I'd spank Myrtle for lying to me." Myrtle blushed furiously, which was weird to see on a ghost. Harry knew Myrtle had some weird fetishes. She had always wanted to try some kinky things. It was quite sad she had never gotten the chance.

Most of the ghosts were laughing now. "Let me ask you something kid, you think the host is scary? Honestly?"

"Eh, I guess. I mean, he's a bit more unnerving then you lot." This quieted the crowd. They were the headless hunt, they were the elite of ghosts.

"What do you mean by that?" asked one slightly upset ghost.

"Well, you're all headless, which is cool I guess. But Sir Nick can walk around with his hanging off by that little bit of his neck. That's just creepy. He's a more scary image I guess." This upset half of the ghosts, and had the other half thinking about his words. They had always made fun of Nick for his 'impotency' as it were. Yet, here was a mortal saying that he was more scary then them, and backing it up with real reasons. Maybe they'd have to rethink him joining the headless hunt.

XXXXXX FLASH FORWARD XXXXXXXXXXX

The fall of 2005 found a 25 year old Harry Potter walking out of a movie theatre thinking to himself _"That was ok. But I think Luna's version was much better."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**A/N: Wooh Hoo! Hit 50,000 words in this chapter. Does a dance **

**I hope that was worth any kind of wait. I have to be honest, before writing this chapter, I never thought I'd see in print the words "If anyone can help me find the Clitoris, it'll be Prof. McGonagal" That's just all kinds of scary.**

**Reading over some of the reviews, let me answer some common questions.**

**Goten was half Saiyan. Bra was half Saiyan. They had a daughter, Lily, who was half Saiyan. Lily then had a son with James Potter, Harry. Harry is then a quarter Saiyan. Does this clear things up there? Oh, also, Pan and Trunks have two daughters, Bulma and Videl, both several years older then Harry.**

**A lot of people keep asking about when Dumbledore and Vegeta are going to meet. I'm not going to comment on this. Ok, maybe a small comment. Yes, they will meet at some point….and no, they're not going to have tea and talk about the weather….**

**Regarding DADA teachers, this is a spoiler, but Dende won't be returning as DADA for third year. He's going to keep the curse going. I intend to use the rest of canon teachers. I had him replace Lockhart for two reasons. One: I hate the ponce. Two: I needed a reason to have Dende at Hogwarts.**

**Ok, I think that's enough rambling for now. No idea when I'll update, but I'll say this, Harry and Lucius will have an…..interesting conversation at the next Quidditch match.**


	16. Chapter 15

**A/N: Why is it that nobody listens to me when I say you shouldn't eat or drink when reading this? Its bad enough there's crap on my screen, you all don't need to copy me in that sense. **

**Also, as hard as this may be to believe, I have actually never seen Snakes On A Plane. Heard good things, just never sat myself down and watched it. Shit, that reminds me…have movies that are late to Blockbuster…..**

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Harry, Hermione, Neville, Ginny and Blaise all sat around a table in the Library studying. Or at least attempting to study in Hermione's case. The rest just tried to make it seem like they were studying at best.

Ginny kept trying to flirt with Harry. Harry kept letting her.

Luna walked up to the group and handed Harry an envelope. She took a seat down next to him, and across from Hermione.

"There you go Harry. Just finished developing them for you." Said Luna.

"Thanks Luna. What do I owe you for it?"

"Don't worry about it now. I'll call in a favor once the puberty fairy has had a little bit more of her nasty way with you." Luna just winked at Harry. Ginny got slightly jealous.

"Harry, if you needed pictures developed, I'm sure Colin Creevy would have loved to help you out." Said Ginny.

"Oh, I'm sure he would. At this point, I'm so convinced he has such a man crush on me. It would be a wet dream for him if I asked him to do something for me. He'd die a happy boy I'm sure if I asked him to do something to me instead." Everyone giggled slightly at this. Everyone except for Hermione that is.

"Harry, I'm sure I'm going to regret asking, but what are those pictures of?" asked Neville. Luna decided to answer for Harry.

"They're pictures of Harry t-bagging Hermione." She said. Hermione fell out of her chair.

"They're WHAT?!" she yelled. Madam Pince shushed her from a distance.

"No, that's not what they are. You're not in the pictures Hermione." Harry said, trying to reassure his friend.

"I didn't hear you deny the t-bagging." She replied.

"You know, I'm a bit surprised you know what t-bagging is Hermione. I'm starting to think you're not quite the innocent girl you portray yourself to be." Said Harry.

"Quit dodging the question Potter." Said Hermione, crossing her arms.

Neville turned to Blaise and whispered "What _is _t-bagging?"

Blaise whispered back "You don't want to know."

"For your information Hermione, the person getting t-bagged in the pictures is one Draco Malfoy." Harry said.

"Honest mistake on my part. Draco looks so feminine." Said Luna, who was now playing with a strand of her hair. "And I figured if Harry were going to do that to anyone other then me, it'd be you Hermione."

"Actually Luna, I wouldn't do that to her. Hermione doesn't think of me in that way, and probably never will. Woe is me." Everyone just looked at Harry like he was either crazy or a sill drama queen. "Anyway, Ginny would probably be number two on the list."

"I figured she wouldn't let you do that." Said Luna.

"Wouldn't let me do what?" asked Ginny. "I'm so lost. What are we talking about anyway?" Ginny reached over and grabbed the envelope from Harry and pulled a picture out. She stared at it for a second. "Are you doing what I think you're doing in this picture?" she asked.

"I don't know. What are you thinking?" Harry asked with an evil grin.

"It looks like you're…." Ginny trailed off as she started to blush. She got up, picture in hand. "Excuse me, I need to go…to the bathroom. Yeah, to the bathroom. I shall see you all later." Ginny took off in a rush. Harry and Luna just stared at each other. Hermione voiced their thoughts.

"Is she doing what I think she's going to do?" Harry just nodded dumbly.

"And at such an age, wow." Was all he could say.

Luna turned to Harry, "Bet you a sickle that girl turns into a total nympho by the time she's 17."

"Luna!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Yes?" said the blonde girl with a total look of innocence on her face.

"Nevermind. Harry, just what are you going to do with those pictures?"

"Turn them into t shirts and give them away before the next quidditch game. What else would I do with them?"

"Why?" she asked.

"Its part of my on going project to convince people that Draco is a flaming homosexual."

Hermione just started slamming her head against the table. Madam Pince came over this time, and told Hermione that if she didn't keep it down, she was going to have to leave the library.

"And what's wrong with if he were a homosexual?" Hermione said, her head down against the table.

"Oh, personally I don't think there's anything wrong with being a homosexual. But Draco's not. Also, it's very looked down upon in pureblood families. Carrying on the family name and all that. Right guys?" Harry directed his last question at Blaise and Neville.

"Couldn't be happier for the bloke really. Everyone should find their own special kind of love." Said Blaise.

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Harry walked up to Fred in George in the hallway.

"Hey guys." He got a look at them, and noticed they didn't have their usual smiles on. "What's wrong?"

"Well, Harry my boy…"

"Our brother Ron has…"

"Out done us. He has…"

"Gotten himself detention every…"

"Night for the rest of…"

"The year. That's something…"

"We have never been…"

"Able to accomplish. To be shown…"

"Up by our younger brother…"

"Breaks our hearts it does."

"Well, I have something that may brighten your spirits a bit. I need you guys to do something for me." Harry said.

"What?" the twins said in unison.

"Give these shirts out." Harry handed them a black shirt with the picture of Draco being t-bagged. There was a caption above it reading _"Time for Tea" _"I have several boxes filled with them. I was thinking they'd be good for morale at the next Quidditch game. Think you boys can help me out?"

The twins just looked at each other and grinned.

"Sure thing Harry."

"It'd be our pleasure."

"Thanks. I knew I could count on you guys. By the way, what did your idiot of a brother do to get that many detentions."

"That's the thing…"

"None of the teachers will say."

"They just kind of chuckle…"

"Whenever we ask."

"Weird. If you ever find out, let me know.

"Will do." They said in unison.

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"Ok class, here's a random question. Suppose you come across a puzzle box. This puzzle box if very odd looking, and you can sense some sort of dark magic about it. You play with it, and it's a very challenging puzzle. The more you work at it, the more you want to finish it. What would you do in this situation?" Professor Shen asked his second year Defense class. The class just sat there, and thought it over. After a minute, Hermione and Neville both raised their hands.

"Yes, Neville?"

"I'd turn it into the proper authorities. If its some kind of dark magic device, I don't want to have anything to do with it."

"And that would be the correct thing to do. If its something that you are unsure about, and seems like it may be dangerous, its always a good idea to turn it into the proper authorities. Sometimes, its hard to know who the 'proper' authorities are though." Dende continued.

"Wouldn't that be the Ministry of Magic?" Hermione asked.

"Not always. However, I should point out that not everyone does what they should. Some people think of themselves so much beyond normal mortal men and women, that they must take care of everything themselves. These are the kinds of people who are prideful and arogent. Can anyone tell me why such things can lead to a man, or woman's, downfall?" Harry raised his hand at that.

"If the person thinks of themselves as invincible, and that they're always right, eventually they're going to run into something that's going to destroy them, in one way or another."

"Very good. I want you all to remember Harry's words. Or if you can't, at least their meaning. Nobody is invincible. I know at your age, you all think you are. Even men at the Headmaster's age can be that way. But you must know your limits." Dende said. He then dismissed the class for the day.

Harry stayed after and walked up to his friend, and somewhat uncle.

"What did you do? And does it have anything to do with why no one has seen Dumbledore the last couple days?" Harry said to Dende.

"I didn't do anything. Honest."

"Right, and I should believe that why?"

"Its not my fault Pan watched Hellraiser the other day, and called in a favor to Mr. Popo. By the way, little Videl still gets scared watching it."

"Videl's in her late 20s, so that's sad. But what was the favor?"

"She had him make a variant of the Lament Configuration."

"A variant how? What did it do?"

"Well, it was very similar to the one in the movies. But instead of demons who were all into slasher style torture…they were into something else." Harry just raised an eyebrow at Dende, as if to say 'go on'. "Well, I'm not going to say what they did to the Headmaster, but I will say it wouldn't surprise me if Pan had also watched Deliverance recently."

"Ok, ew. I so did not need that mental image. Stupid question, but is he going to be ok?"

"Unfortaintly, yes. He just won't be able to sit down comfortably for a little while."

"Isn't that a pity?"

"Isn't it? It's his own fault, nobody told him to solve it. I believe Snape even told him to get rid of the box. Oh well."

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"It's Ravenclaw versus Slytherin today folks. I'm Harry Potter, representing Slytherin. I'm sitting next to the lovely Luna Lovegood, who's representing Ravenclaw. With us today also, is an Alumni, and valued member of society, Lucius Malfoy. Welcome to Hogwarts Mr. Malfoy." Harry said into his microphone. The three of them were sitting in the Slytherin stands. Lucius didn't 'feel safe' sitting anywhere else. Harry and Luna weren't allowed to sit in the teacher's section where Lucius normally sat during games.

"Thank you for having me Mr. Potter."

"It's our pleasure. Did you perchance see the t shirts they were giving out today? The green and silver on them made them seem as if they were for Slythering pride, don't you think?" Luna said in her normal dreamy kind of voice. She happened to be wearing one of the shirts proudly.

"Yes, I did happen to see them. Quite inappropriate, if you ask me. I'm going to have words with the headmaster after the game."

"You do that sir. And the balls have just been released. I was referring to the Quidditch balls, so no one get too excited around here." Harry glanced at a fuming Draco, who was sitting a few feet away with his 'body guards'. "One thing of notoriety in this game, we have female seeker versus female seeker. This is the first time I've ever seen such a thing. Ginny Weasley is flying against Cho Chang. It's the first year on the team for both girls."

"Harry, don't lie to the good people who are listening. I found that picture of two topless girls flying on broomsticks under you bed." Said Luna.

"Lies! All lies! There are no pictures." Harry said in amusement.

"Children, if we could focus on the game?" said Lucius.

"Good point Lucius."

And with that, the three of them commented on the game.

A half hour into it, the score was 180-100, Ravenclaw's lead.

"Tell me Mr. Malfoy, are you enjoying the game?" asked Luna.

"Are you trying to make fun of me because my team is losing young lady?" asked a slightly angry Lucius Malfoy. Today had been a long day. These two knew how to push all of his buttons.

"Calm down Mr. Malfoy, we're all pureblood wizards here. I'm sure Luna wasn't trying to insult you." Harry said. This set off the older wizard.

"How dare you! You sit here and try to claim to be my equal as a pure blood wizard. Your mother was a filthy mudblood." Harry narrowed his eyes.

"Excuse me? Those aren't very nice words. And for your information, since both of my parents were wizards, that would make me a pureblood, wouldn't it? I came from wizards, making me a 'complete' wizard, right?"

"Harry, according to today's definition, to be a pureblood one must have all four of their grandparents as wizards and wiches. You miss the cut off. Sorry." Luna said, defusing the situation slightly.

"What am I considered since my mother's parents weren't exactly muggles?"

"But they were muggles you brat." Said Lucius.

"Says you. You know Mr. Malfoy, I'm getting the impression you don't think too highly of 'half bloods'." Said Harry.

"Of course not. Its is well known that muggle borns and halfbloods are inferior to purebloods in every way. We are your betters boy, and you best remember that."

"Well, I find that a bit odd." Said Harry.

"What do you find odd?" asked Luna, knowing where Harry was going to take this.

"What I find odd, is that several distinguished pureblood members of our society, including Mr. Malfoy here, claim to have been under the Imperious curse of the half blood Tom Riddle. Yet he just stated that half bloods are so much inferior." Lucius was almost puffing in rage.

"How dare you! And who is Tom Riddle? I've never heard of such a wizard."

"Well, he decided to start calling himself Voldemort at one point. Most people have heard of him."

"The Dark Lord was a pureblood!" Lucius practically shouted. This was not going well for the blonde rich man.

"You know, only Death Eaters call him 'the Dark Lord', funny. And his father was a muggle, so that wouldn't exactly make him a pureblood, would it?"

"Where's your proof?"

"Records show that Tom Riddle's father was a muggle. That's pretty good evidence in my opinion."

"The Dark Lord wasn't this Tom Riddle."

"Then who was he?"

"How am I supposed to know?"

"Well, I'm claiming he was one person. You claim he wasn't that person, yet can't give another possibility for who he was. Very convincing argument Mr. Malfoy." Harry said. Luna was just sitting there, appearing to be spacing out. She knew Harry had this well in hand.

"I don't need to sit here and take this from children." Lucius stood up, threw down his microphone and stormed off.

"Oh my, ook at that, Ginny Weasley has just caught the snitch. It appears that Slytherin has won the game." Said Luna in a dreamy sort of way.

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On there way back up to the castle, Harry and Luna were discussing the events of their commentary.

"So, how full of shit do you think he was?" Harry asked Luna.

"Oh, very much so. I'd say about half of the things he said were lies."

"And how soon do you think we'll hear something about it?"

"My guess would be as soon as we reach the castle. Look." Luna pointed up ahead of them to a stoic looking Dumbledore. The two teens approached him.

"Good afternoon Headmaster, lovely day, isn't it?"

"Hello Harry. Luna. I just had a most interesting conversation with Lucius Malfoy. He attempted to yell at me for a good ten minutes on your behavior. I think I'm going to have to take away fifty house points from each of you, and ask that you do not continue with your commentaries of the games."

"Sir, I have to protest. I believe that we behaved very well. In fact, why don't you listen to a recording of our commentary before you make any kind of judgement? Besides, I checked with all the school rules, and even the ministry laws. We didn't break any. In fact, the Ministry doesn't even have any kind of law regulating what a person can and cannot say on the wireless."

"That very well may be Harry. But with a man like Lucius Malfoy, that will likely change soon."

"And once it does, we shall adhire to the rules. But in the mean time, we are not doing anything wrong."

"Is there anything else headmaster? We are a bit hungry and are on our way to get some thing to eat." Said Luna.

"What about the t shirts I've been hearing numerous complaints about?"

"What t shirts?" asked Luna. She had charmed hers before they left the pitch, so it now had a picture of a kitten with a sniper rifle.

"We have no idea what you're talking about headmaster." Said Harry with a straight face.

"Ok, off with you then."

The two of them continued on there way.

"Silly old goat fucker." Said Luna to no one in particular.

"Luna! Where ever did you learn such language?" scolded Harry.

"From you, where else?"

"Oh, well remind me to watch my mouth around you."

"Where should I watch your mouth on me?"

"That's not what I said, and you know it." Luna let out a sigh.

"But it would be so much more fun that way."

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As the weeks rolled on, soon the Christmas holidays were upon the students of Hogwarts. The term was almost over, and the students couldn't wait for their vacation. Some where staying at the school, others were going home.

"Harry, what are you going to be doing for Christmas?" Hermione asked Harry one morning on their way to class.

"Probably going to get the shit beaten out of me, why?"

"What? Who's going to beat you?" Hermione asked, a bit horror stricken that something like that would happen to her friend.

"You see, whenever a Saiyan is injured to the point of it being about fatal, and then heals back all the way, they gain a great increase in strength. And before you say anything, yes, I know humans are similar in that's how they increase their own strength. But this is to an extremely greater degree."

"Why would you do something like that?"

"Every year, my great grandfather and I have an all out fight. Since he's so much more powerful then I, its one of his gifts to me. We go till he beats me to within an inch of my life, then throws me in the regeneration chamber. I come out the next day, stronger then ever."

"Sounds barbaric."

"You think that's messed up, I should tell you about my uncle Trunk's tradition for April first. Just makes me glad I'm in school at that point. Though, I'm sure Dende will be sad he's going to miss out on the fun."

"I'm not going to miss out on the fun." Said Dende from behind the two students. He appeared behind them nearly out of thin air. Hermione jumped slightly.

"Don't do that, you startled me." she said.

"Looks like he did a bit more then that. You need a change of panties there Hermione?"

"No! And don't be so crude Harry."

"Yes Hermione."

"You two on your way to my class?" asked Dende.

"Well, since we have your class in five minutes, I can see how you might think we were on our way to shag in a broom closet." Said Harry. Dende chuckled slightly at that.

"Harry, you just said 'shag'." Said Dende.

"Dammit, you're right. I'm turning British."

"Harry, you are British." Said Hermione.

"Shush you. I don't need any help from the peanut gallery."

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**A/N: And that's enough for tonight. I hope you enjoyed it.**

**You know, at this point, I'm thinking maybe Ron gets held back again. What do you guys think? Repeating his first year for a second time? Or maybe he does something so stupid they throw him out? I'm sure one of the teachers suggested that when a certain transfiguration teacher may or may not have had a mild stroke. What should he do to get kicked out? Let me rephrase that, what should Luna trick him into doing that gets him thrown out? I bet if she tricked him into propositioning McGonagall that might do it….or maybe Snape….**


	17. Chapter 16

**A/N: Sorry for such a long delay. Been a bit distracted with other writing projects. I'm working on scripts for film projects, other fanfiction stories, and various other misc. things. Hope you enjoy this.**

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As the second term of the year went on, things seemed to quiet down. Sure, there were still pranks, and Harry continued his campaign against Draco's sexuality. The Ministry passed a new law regarding slander and libel. Harry smirked when he heard that. This was the first time he indirectly manipulated a whole government. He was really a Slytherin at heart.

The group of friends picked up one more in January. First year Hufflepuff Milton started hanging out with them. Luna had introduced him to everyone else, and insisted that he hand out with them. It helped that Ginny and her convinced Harry with a double massage.

Milton was a small, shy little boy. He was the sort who just sort of disappeared in a group. No one ever noticed him. He was a loyal friend, and had Harry's back whenever he could. Unfortunately, that wasn't often. Milton wasn't a very powerful wizard. Very few people thought much of him. Except his closest friends. They new different.

Harry seemed to expect it, and the rest weren't surprised really. But in later years, Milton became an insane Dark Lord who caused the death of billions by starting World War Three. Milton, the typical Hufflepuff, controlled muggle governments from the shadows. It was the Wizarding World 'doing what's right' and removing Milton as a power that led to over a billion deaths.

But during his school years, Milton was almost just scenery. He offered very little contribution to any situation. When telling stories about his Hogwarts years, Harry would only mention that Milton was there most of the time, and that would be it. Milton would never really get mentioned again in the story.

The end of the year, and the last day felt like it came way too quickly. Everyone was sitting at their tables enjoying the end of year feast. Slytherin had won the house cup and the Quidditch cup. Ginny had caught all three snitches.

The sky above them, in the enchanted ceiling had a clear sky. It came as a great surprise when a lightning bolt came down out of nowhere. It struck Harry Potter, and enveloped him in a white energetic field. It sucked him back up the bolt, and he was gone. Everyone stared wide eyed at it.

A single envelope floated down and landed in front of Dende. It had his name written on it in Namek. Dende was surprised to see his native language. Before he could open the letter, it was snatched out of his hands by Dumbledore.

"I'll take that. It's important that we get Harry back." He opened the letter and tried to read it. He couldn't make out the weird symbols. "This is obviously some magic language I'm not familiar with. I'll have to spend the summer studying it."

"Headmaster, I can read that language." He extended his hand. "It has my name on it. So may I?" Dumbledore looked around, then handed it back to Dende. Dende looked over the letter. "Ah, we don't have anything to worry about. Harry has been taken by a relative for the summer. He will be returned to us before the next term starts."

The old man looked pissed. He had plans for Harry. How could he be snatched from right under his nose like that.

The day was not going well for Albus. It was just that morning that Prof. Binns had moved on, meaning that he had to find a replacement history teacher. The defense curse struck again. Dende switched from defense to history.

Dende assured Harry's friends that he was alright. They were able to ride home on the train in good spritis. Luna even had a really stupid grin on her face. When asked about it, she'd blush and start talking about some animal from another planet. Well, she knew they were from another planet. Everyone else just assumed she was making things up.

Hermione found her parents at the train station. They greeted her with hugs, and they happily made their way home.

Things were normal for the first couple days of break. Hermione enjoyed her time with her parents. Of course something had to upset that.

The doorbell rang and Hermione answered it. A delivery man handed her a box, she signed for it, and took it to her parents. The three of them sat around the table as they opened the box. Inside was two old looking fob watches. Both of Hermione's parents stared fixated at the watches. They each reached and grabbed one, opening it.

A yellow glow flowed from the watch and enveloped both adults. They looked dazed for a moment, then looked over at each other.

They instantly had identical stupid grins on their faces. "I remember." They both said at the same time.

"Mom, dad, what's going on?" Hermione asked.

"Hermione!" her father yelled, and enveloped her into a hug. "I"ve missed you so much. Look at you!"

"You're scarring our daughter husband o mine. And knowing her, she needs an explanation."

"Too true. But we need the company of one more. You want to signal him? Or should I?" said her father, releasing Hermione.

"You do it, while I take Hermione into the living room." Her father nodded and ran up the stairs. The two women made their way into the living room and sat down.

"Mom, you guys are scaring me. What's going on?"

"You always were one who couldn't stand not knowing something, weren't you Hermione?" said her mother.

A few moments her father and another man came down the stairs. That confused Hermione, even more then the strange sound she her moments before.

"How? I mean, I thought I was the last? Especially after the Master died." Said the stranger.

"Nope. All will be explained momentarily." The two men joined the women in the living room. The stranger was dressed in a pin stripe suit. "Hermione, this is the Doctor. "Doctor, this is our daughter, Hermione Granger." At the name the Doctor's eyes widened.

"Really now? That is very interesting."

"Our story is one that the two of you both need to know."

"Who is this man dad?" Hermione asked.

"This dear, is the Doctor." Said her mother.

"Doctor who?"

"Exactly." Said the Doctor, smirk on his face.

"Can someone please tell me what's going on?" said Hermione.

"Yeah, I'm a bit in the dark on this, and I hate that." Said the Doctor.

"Doctor, why don't you tell Hermione who the Time Lords were, or are, whichever." Said Hermione's dad. The Doctor raised an eyebrow.

"Ok." He turned and looked right Hermione. "The Time Lords were one of the most powerful races in the universe. Their knowledge of the cosmos was immense. They took it upon themselves to watch over space and time."

"Were?"

"Well, until recently, I thought I was the last one. And then I'm out flying around in my TARDIS, when I get a signal to stop here, and I find two more like myself." He looked at the adult Grangers. "Mind continuing this story?"

The husband and wife looked at each other, smiling.

"Well, we knew that the war was coming, and decided to take precautions to make it through."

"Wait, that's impossible!" yelled the Doctor. "You couldn't have known the Time War was coming. No one saw it coming."

"We did. But then, we aren't exactly normal Time Lords."

"What do you mean mother?" asked Hermione.

"Before we were Time Lords, the two of us, and four others, were Kais." Hermione's father received blank looks at his statement. "Come now Doctor, I'm sure you've heard of the Kais."

"All I know, is that they're considered myths. Beings higher than even the Time Lords who over saw the universe. Not a popular myth to an arrogant people."

"Too true. But the whole Time Lord race was started by six retired Kais. That's one of our people's biggest secrets by the way, so be careful who you tell." Said the father, with a wink. "Anyway, the time has come for us to come out of hiding, and do this or that."

"This or that?" asked Hermione.

"No worries dear, we know you'll be perfectly safe spending the rest of your holiday with your friends."

"But I don't know where Harry is, and the Weasley's are all in Egypt." Said Hermione.

Both the parents looked at each other. "It's the summer after your…second year, isn't it?" asked her father. Hermione nodded. "Well then, I guess a trip to Egypt is in order. You've always wanted to go there, haven't you dear?"

And it was decided right then that Hermione would spend the rest of her summer in Egypt with her friends, and her Time Lord Parents would run off to adventure through time and space with the Doctor.

The last thing her father said to Hermione before they parted was this "Promise me that when you figure it out, that you remember who I was is not who I am. And don't tell anyone when you do." Her father sounded way more cryptic then normal. But after spending two years around Old Albus, she knew a mystery when it kicked her in her huge ass front teeth.

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Hermione and Ginny found themselves an empty compartment on the Hogwarts express. They were the first of their little gang to arrive. They knew not to expect everyone. Blaise's family had finally put enough pressure on Blaise to start 'acting like a proper pureblood'. And as any proper pureblood would rather associate with a shit flinging ape then Harry Potter, Blaise needed to start hanging out in different circles. Harry, being a good best friend told him he understood, and wished his friend luck. By doing so, Harry forever ensured Blaise's loyalty, a hard feat for a Slytherin.

That explained Blaise. Milton was off stalking some big chested seventh year who will never give him the time of day. They still had no clue what happened to Harry. And no one ever really knew what was going on with Luna.

A few moments later, Harry and Luna walked into the compartment, holding each other. Ginny didn't look too happy. Hermione did, she missed her best friend. She took in his appearance. The Harry Potter before her stood with a new sense of power, yet at the same time, relaxation. He seemed at great peace with himself. He was also now wearing earings. Little golden ball earings, that for some strange reason Hermione couldn't figure out, didn't look completely gay on Harry.

"Hey guys." Said Harry.

"Harry!" Hermione squealed as she jumped up and hugged Harry.

"I missed you too, Hermione." Harry said, returning the hug. He held her for a moment, then parted so Harry and Luna could sit down in the compartment. Harry sat, with Luna on his lap.

"Something you'd like to tell us Harry?" asked Hermione, grinning like an idiot.

"As I'm sure you've noticed, Luna and I are quiet close. Yes, this means we've entered into a relationship. It started over the summer, while I was gone. And before you go into scary Nazi interrogator mode over that Hermione, I can't tell you much. I'll give you what details I can when we're in a more private setting." Ginny really didn't look happy, but Luna noticed this.

"Don't' worry Ginny. I don't plan on our sex live being monogamous, so if you want to jump his bones at some point in the near future, I wouldn't mind. "Ginny's eyes widen at Luna's statement. Then she looked like she was in deep thought, then nodded to Luna in understanding. The two girls knew each other well enough.

It was at that moment that Ron decided to pop into the compartment.

"What up bitches? Guess what? Second year on probation! Boo yeah, who's you damn daddy now?"Ron was practically yelling. He was doing a little dance that made him look like a complete artard. He then jumped up and started off towards the next compartment.

"Excuse me." Harry pulled Luna off his lap, hurried to the door with his wand, pointed it out at Ron and said "Permentus Erectus!" He sat back down just in time to hear all the girls scream in the next compartment.

"Did that do what I think it did?" asked Hermione.

"Of course it did." Said Luna.

"And how would you know Luna?"

"Who do you think taught Harry that spell?" said Luna with a dreamy smile.

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Everyone found themselves seated at their house tables, sitting through the sorting. When the list got to the Ps , everyone was surprised to hear 'Potter, Phillip.' This stopped all whispered conversations. A small, dark haired boy, who looked a lot like Harry stepped up to the stool. The Sorting Hat was dropped on to his head.

A moment later, the hat yelled out "Gryffindor!"

As Phillip hoped off the stole, the Headmaster shook himself out of his surprise. "Excuse me son, but many of us were under the impression that there were no more Potters. Who are your parents?"

The small boy looked like a deer caught in some headlights. "Um….Patty Halliwell and Harry Potter."

The entire Hall turned as one and looked at Harry.

"The Fuck?" Harry asked. And then, right there, the last cosmically significant event of the 20th century took place. Harry Potter feinted.

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**A/N: Ok, this chapter was pretty much written completely under the influence of that certain happy green plant. What do you guys think? Write like this? Or go the sober route?**


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